Neither my mother nor my dog dies in this book. I’m rather tired of those types of stories. In my opinion, such fantastical, unrealistic books — books in which boys live on mountains, families work on farms, or anyone has anything to do with the Great Depression — have a tendency to rot the brain. To combat such silliness, I’ve written the volume you now hold — a solid, true account. Hopefully, it will help anchor you in reality.
So, when people try to give you some book with a shiny round award on the cover, be kind and gracious, but tell them that you don’t read “fantasy,” because you prefer stories that are real. Then come back here and continue your research on the cult of evil Librarians who secretly rule the world.
— Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians, by Brandon Sanderson, p. 50