If others do change because of something we said or did, which sometimes happens, we feel validated and this validation boosts our self-confidence. Unfortunately, it also encourages us to repeat our behavior relentlessly. Face it. Others change only because they want to. Not because we want them to.
So why do we incessantly try to do the impossible? After years of observation, coupled with my own unyielding commitment to changing this behavior in myself, I have concluded that we attempt to control as a way of quelling the threat we feel when our companions have opinions or attitudes or behaviors that differ from our own. The greater the threat, the more we try to control.
But what we discover when we give up trying to control everybody and everything is that we suddenly have the time and opportunity to learn and change and grow within ourselves, so that we can progress to the next level of spiritual awareness that awaits us.
A surprise benefit, too, is that by letting go, moving on, and living our own lives peacefully and with intention, we often inspire others to change in the very ways we want them to change. Ironic, isn’t it?…
Being powerless over others is one of the best gifts we have been given on this journey. Trust me. You will be grateful, in time.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 66-68