Many times, when people are told that they have caused harm, a defensive, self-protective impulse kicks in. We often deny either our actions or their impact, particularly if we have caused great harm — or if we believe that doing a harmful thing is the same thing as being a bad person. If someone interprets the statement “You said something racist” to mean “You are an irredeemably racist person,” they might well resist the critique, seeing it as a condemnation of their whole self. But walking the path of antiracism is riddled with mistakes and new learning; acknowledging the mistake of saying something racist does not mean we are irrevocably racist, doomed to this fate. It’s rather the opposite, no? Doubling down and getting defensive makes it much more likely that you’ll just keep doing the thing. If you can’t face and work to repair your mistakes, you certainly won’t learn from them.
— Danya Ruttenberg, On Repentance and Repair, p. 51-2
Photo: Bare branches and sunrise, South Riding, Virginia, February 18, 2025