Learning Relationships
“Attachment is like languages — you have to tolerate feeling not good at it in order to get better at it.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Category: Compassion
10 Posts
The Purpose of Shame
“Shame never tells you you’re bad; it tells you that in your heart, you want to do better.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Cooperation
“You do not want ‘obedience’ in your home, you want cooperation. When people feel valued, they cooperate. When they don’t feel valued, they resist what feels to them like submission. The keys to resentment-free cooperation are making behavior requests, instead of demands and, above all, tolerance of differences.
When a partner gives in to a demand, he’ll be resentful.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
…As the Lord Forgave You
“Forgiveness is made easy when we can identify with others and admit to our own imperfections and an equal capacity for wrongdoing.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 133
Appreciation
“The good news about appreciation is that its positive effects spread and multiply. Appreciating a sunset will make you appreciate your family more, and vice versa.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 81
The Control Trap
“The trap of trying to control someone is that it makes you feel more powerless.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Why Resentment Is Counterproductive
“Resentment makes less important things more important than the most important things.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Statement of Core Value
“I am worthy of respect, value, and compassion, whether or not I get them from others. If I don’t get them from others, it is necessary to feel more worthy, not less. It is necessary to affirm my own deep value as a unique person (a child of God). I respect and value myself. I have compassion for my hurt. I have compassion for the hurt of others. I trust myself to act in my best interests and in the best interests of loved ones.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 14
Not a Communication Problem
“It is nearly impossible to understand other people’s perspectives when you’re angry or resentful. You never have a complete view of a negotiation, even when your part is factually right.
“It’s not a communication problem. You’re not capable of seeing their side.
“Anger and resentment amplify and magnify only the negative aspect of something, which blows it out of proportion and takes it out of context.
“Anger and resentment make you oversimplify and see only one negative aspect of something. Even if you are right in your appraisal of that negative aspect, you are oversimplifying when you’re resentful or angry.
“The person you’re angry at will not see that you are right as long as he or she feels devalued.
“You can’t be defensive and listen at the same time.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Getting Cooperation
“When people feel valued, they cooperate, when they feel devalued, they either resist or submit with resentment.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp