Who Is My Neighbor?

Life, Relationships 0

Not my idea of God, but God. Not my idea of H., but H. Yes, and not my idea of my neighbor, but my neighbor. For don’t we often make this mistake as regards people who are still alive — who are with us in the same room? Talking and acting not to the man himself but to the picture — almost the precis — we’ve made of him in our own minds? And he has to depart from it pretty widely before we even notice the fact. In real life — that’s one way it differs from novels — his words and acts are, if we observe closely, hardly ever really quite “in character,” that is, in what we call his character. There’s always a card in his hand we didn’t know about.

My reason for assuming that I do this to other people is the fact that so often I find them doing it to me. We all think we’ve got one another taped.

— C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

The Message of Your Pain

Compassion, Core Value, Healing, Relationships 0

Resentful, angry, and abusive people drastically misinterpret the message of their own pain. . . . The bad feelings your husband blames on you are telling him to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, for those are the only things that can make him feel better. And your pain is giving you the exact same message. Even if your husband changes dramatically and replaces his resentment, anger, or abusive behavior with compassion, you still have to heed the message of your core hurts to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect. This means that your focus has to be on your own resources, not on your husband and not on outside supports.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 116

Being Time

Life, Peace, Prayer 0

I’ve long since stopped feeling guilty about taking being time; it’s something we all need for our spiritual health, and often we don’t take enough of it….

When I am constantly running there is no time for being. When there is no time for being there is no time for listening. I will never understand the silent dying of the green pie-apple tree if I do not slow down and listen to what the Spirit is telling me, telling me of the death of trees, the death of planets, of people, and what all these deaths mean in the light of the love of the Creator who brought them all into being; who brought me into being; and you.

— Madeleine L’Engle, Walking on Water, p. 12-13

Making Mistakes

Compassion, Forgiveness, Growth, Letting Go, Life 0

Trying to be what I am not, and cannot be, is not only arrogant, it is stupid. . . . If I make myself a martyr to appease my false guilt, then I am falling into the age-old trap of pride. I fall into it often. . . . If I am not free to accept guilt when I am wrong, then I am not free at all. If all my mistakes are excused, if there’s an alibi, a rationalization for every blunder, then I am not free at all. I am subhuman. . . . I do all kinds of things which aren’t right, which aren’t sensitive or understanding. I neglect all kinds of things which I ought to do. . . . One reason I don’t feel guilty is that I no longer feel I have to be perfect. I am not in charge of the universe, whereas a humanist has to be. . . this inability presents her with a picture of herself which is not the all-competent, in-control-of-everything person she wants to see.

— Madeleine L’Engle, Summer of the Great-Grandmother

Old Quotations

Uncategorized 0

This one’s an explanation. I’ve collected quotations since I was in high school. Lately, for some reason, I haven’t been as struck by quotations in the books I’ve been reading. So I’m going back through my notebook where I wrote down quotations when I was in college. If you see quotations without a page number, they are probably those old quotations — and fun for me to remember!

— Sondra Eklund

When We’re Ready

God, Guidance 0

I was certain that God had a greater purpose for me, and I prayed every day for Him to reveal it to me. At first I was expecting Him to show me my entire future all at once — maybe with a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder thrown in for good measure. But I came to learn that God never shows us something we aren’t ready to understand. Instead, he lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He’ll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we’re ready, He will plant our feet on the path that’s best for us . . . but it’s up to us to do the walking.

— Immaculee Ilibagiza, Left to Tell, p. 114

Let Go

Joy, Letting Go 0

Don’t try to hold on to this mountaintop experience. Indeed, never try to hold on to anything, but let go immediately and willingly in order to be ready to receive the new joys and riches which I am preparing for you.

— Hannah Hurnard, Winged Life

Happiness in Marriage

Compassion, Joy, Marriage, Relationships 0

The most potent predictor of being happily married is being happy before you marry. Marriage does not make you happy, although the prospect of sharing life with a loved one can provide motivation to make yourself happy. What marriage certainly offers is someone on whom to blame your unhappiness.

— Steven Stosny, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200905/marriage-and-the-power-be-happy