Having It All
Happy women know that you can have it all, just not all at the same time.
— Dan Baker, PhD, and Cathy Greenberg, PhD, What Happy Women Know, p. 236
Forgiveness Like the Father
It is through constant forgiveness that we become like the Father. Forgiveness from the heart is very, very difficult. It is next to impossible. Jesus said to his disciples: “When your brother wrongs you seven times a day and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I am sorry,’ you must forgive him.”
I have often said, “I forgive you,” but even as I said these words my heart remained angry or resentful. I still wanted to hear the story that tells me that I was right after all; I still wanted to hear apologies and excuses; I still wanted the statisfaction of receiving some praise in return — if only the praise for being so forgiving!
But God’s forgiveness is unconditional; it comes from a heart that does not demand anything for itself, a heart that is completely empty of self-seeking. It is this divine forgivenss that I have to practice in my daily life. It calls me to keep stepping over all my arguments that say forgiveness is unwise, unhealthy, and impractical. It challenges me to step over all my needs for gratitude and compliments. Finally, it demands of me that I step over that wounded part of my heart that feels hurt and wronged and that wants to stay in control and put a few conditions between me and the one whom I am asked to forgive.
This “stepping over” is the authentic discipline of forgiveness. Maybe it is more “climbing over” than “stepping over.” Often I have to climb over the wall of arguments and angry feelings that I have erected between myself and all those whom I love but who so often do not return that love. It is a wall of fear of being used or hurt again. It is a wall of pride, and the desire to stay in control. But every time that I can step or climb over that wall, I enter into the house where the Father dwells, and there touch my neighbor with genuine compassionate love.
— Henri J. M. Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son, p. 129-130
Library as Support Group
There is a belief that once you begin to open books, you will become a better person. It is Pandora’s box, but in a good way. You are inching toward the promised land, page by page. And it doesn’t matter if you subscribe to this theory or not. The subscription has already been bought and paid for.
We are all misfits, poseurs, and clowns. We are heartbroken and lonely, failures in life, criminals and frauds. Most of our successes are pleasant illusions. Through the books on the shelves, the library becomes a support group and lets us know that we are not alone. Once we realize we are not alone, we can relax, set our burdens down, and move on.
— Don Borchert, Free for All, p. xiv-xv
What If Universalism Is Wrong?
But what if I am wrong in thinking that God will save everyone? I said right at the start that I am a hopeful dogmatic universalist. That is to say that, although, according to my theological system, God will save all people, I am not 100% certain that my system is correct. So what if I am wrong? Well, if I am wrong, then I will have inspired some false hope in the hearts of some people; but I do not think that I will have done any serious damage. I have not produced a theology with a diminished view of God nor one that will lead people not to worship God. I have not sidestepped the centrality of God’s work in Christ, so the cross and resurrection remain at the heart of the gospel. I have not reduced the importance of faith in Christ nor the missionary calling of the church. I have not undermined the authority of the Bible. I have not “gone soft” on God’s wrath nor got rid of hell. I have not tinkered with any key doctrines of orthodox Christianity. If I am wrong, then anyone who mistakenly comes to think that I am right will love and worship the triune God, study and follow the Scriptures, proclaim Christ to the lost, and seek to walk in holiness, just like any non-universalist evangelical. Hopefully, neither they nor those around them will be adversely harmed by their mistaken universalist beliefs. I have made a provisional case for accepting universalism, but in the end one must make a wager and take a position. Here I stand, and I can do no other. I realize that most of my Christian family do not stand with me in the extent of my hope for the future, and I certainlly do not think that true Christian faith requires agreement with my views! Belief in universalism is most certainly not a requirement for Christian orthodoxy, but neither does it amount to an exclusion from orthodoxy even if it is wrong. I hope that this book may persuade some at least to tolerate evangelical universalism as a legitimate Christian position — a view that is true to the message of the gospel — even if they themselves feel unable to accept it.
— Gregory MacDonald, The Evangelical Universalist, p. 176
Repeating Apologies
Once we make an apology, we don’t have to keep repeating it. If someone wants to keep on extricating an apology from us for the same incident, that is the person’s issue, and we don’t have to get hooked.
— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 273
Walking Away
Walking away doesn’t mean agreeing with your adversary. On the contrary, it means nothing more than that you have made the choice to disengage. These days, I actually relish every opportunity to let a situation pass me by that would have engaged my ire in the past. I feel empowered every time I make this choice.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 18
Unwise Trust
No one has felt hurt due to compassion, although many people have been harmed by unwise trust. Compassion makes us less likely to trust unwisely, as it provides deeper understanding of the danger presented by those unable to regulate core hurts.
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 36
Fairy Tales
Fairy tales awaken the inner child in us all, and that child is sorely needed in the middle years, when men and women are weighed down with responsibilities and endless chores. This is the promise of the stories. To every man or woman, pausing perplexed in the middle of life, magic and wisdom wait in unexpected places.
— Allan B. Chinen, Once Upon a Midlife, p. 21
Coming Clean
The people do not earn their place in God’s covenant by obedience; rather, their obedience enables them to experience life with God. The sacrificial system is given not because God is keeping some divine bank account of blood money, which needs regular deposits to ward off divine judgment. Rather, it provides a way for the people to “come clean” whenever they break the covenant by disobeying God. Instead of punitive reprisal, they experience gracious restoration of the relationship. This is why the Law becomes such a source of joy, as we see in their celebrations and in the praise of the psalmists in the prayer book of the people.
— Richard J. Foster, Life with God, p. 88-89
Forgiveness Mirrors God.
Yet even when offenders are unrepentant, we can and should forgive. There are better ways to protect ourselves than the refusal to forgive. And when it comes to reminding offenders that they’ve committed the offense, we do that precisely by forgiving. Recall that to forgive is to blame. We do condemn when we forgive. We do it gently and lovingly, but we still do it.
There’s no question that it is more difficult to forgive when offenders refuse to repent. Their lack of repentance is, in a sense, a continuation of their offense in a different form. But the forgiveness is unconditional…. It’s predicated on nothing perpetrators do or fail to do. Forgiveness is not a reaction to something else. It is the beginning of something new….
Forgiving the unrepentant is not an optional extra in the Christian way of life; it’s the heart of the thing. Why? Because God is such a forgiver and Christ forgave in such a way. And you know what? We also bear the burden of forgiveness because when we are forgivers we are restored to our full human splendor. We were created to mirror God. Anything less is really Judas’ kiss on our own cheek, a betrayal of ourselves by ourselves.
— Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge, p. 208-209