Our choice in recovery is not whether to use affirmations. We’ve been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice in recovery is what we want to affirm.
— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 358
The person born with a talent they are meant to use will find their greatest happiness in using it.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, quoted in The Passion Test, by Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood, p. 31
Control is an illusion. It doesn’t work. We cannot control alcoholism. We cannot control anyone’s compulsive behaviors — overeating, sexual, gambling — or any of their behaviors. We cannot (and have no business trying to) control anyone’s emotions, mind, or choices. We cannot control the outcome of events. We cannot control life.  Some of us can barely control ourselves.
People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right. It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with, us. It doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter.
The problem was, I didn’t know that then. I thought controlling and taking care of other people was my duty, my God-given job. My motto from then on became “Do for others what they refuse to , but should, be doing for themselves.” If other people don’t want to be responsible I’ll pick up that slack.
— Melody Beattie, Playing It By Heart, p. 148
It strikes us that to hope in the kind of goodness that would set our heart free, we must be willing to allow our desire to remain haunted. This side of the Fall, true goodness comes by surprise, the old writings tell us, enthralling us for a moment in heaven’s time. They warn us it cannot be held. Something inside knows they are right, that if we could do so, we would set up temples to worship it and the Sacred Romance would become prostitution. We understand that we must allow our desire to haunt us like Indian summer, where the last lavish banquet of golds and yellows and reds stirs our deepest joy and sadness, even as they promise us they will return in the fragrance of spring.
— Brent Curtis & John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance, p. 140
When we don’t ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves. We deserve better.
Maybe others taught us it wasn’t polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves. The truth is, if we don’t, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships. We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need. We may end the relationship because it doesn’t meet our needs.
— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 355
I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.
— Loving What Is, by Byron Katie, p. 2
Giving up judgmental attitudes requires that we replace them with some other attitude. Our minds will not remain idle. The best attitude to cultivate and the one that changes everything and everyone — you and all of the people you formerly judged — is gratitude. Having an attitude of gratitude is what allows us to see everyone in our path as necessary and an opportunity for us to express unconditional love. You see, judgment and love cannot coexist, and we’re expressing one or the other almost all the time. Seldom are we indifferent to our experiences, to the people we are sharing those experiences with, and to the set of expectations we have created around those experiences. Becoming more loving, attempting to develop the attitude of unconditional love, in fact, is the real assignment we have been given in this life. No one can do the work for us. No one can prevent us from doing the work. And everyone benefits every time any one of us makes even a tiny effort to grow in our willingness to love rather than judge.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 53-54
But the God of Scripture is also the God who refused to nuke Nineveh, even though that’s what Jonah wanted; who forgave David for a really staggering list of wrongdoings; who wants only for us stiff-necked people to repent and come home; who goes out into the stormy night for the one lost black sheep; who throws a party when the Prodigal Son returns; who loves us so much that God did indeed send his only begotten son to come live with us, as one of us, to help understand our stories — each one unique, infinitely valuable, irreplaceable.
— Madeleine L’Engle, The Rock That Is Higher, quoted in Glimpses of Grace, collected by Carole F. Chase, p. 323
Starting arguments, blaming others, or internalizing anger is not the way to go through life. Treat the problem knowing that you will get through it, and you will be a better person because of it. Remember, you can spend your life being angry or joyful. You control only one thing: your thoughts. So find the serenity within yourself. Or as my wife says, “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” Keep your sense of humor, express your feelings, and recognize your power, and you will spend more time at peace than at war.
— Bernie Siegal, M.D., Love, Magic & Mudpies, p. 186
It’s one of the toughest things in the world when somebody has hurt you, and you can find within yourself the strength to begin the whole process of forgiveness. And it turns out to be the gift to you, not so much the gift to the person you’re forgiving.
— Fred Rogers, quoted in The Simple Faith of Mr. Rogers, by Amy Hollingsworth, p. 98