Happy women understand that no matter what they own, they will always feel a bit insecure about having enough and being enough, but they don’t let these feelings rule their lives.
— Dan Baker, PhD, and Cathy Greenberg, PhD, What Happy Women Know, p. 234
Nothing clarifies boundaries more than forgiveness. To forgive someone means to let him off the hook, or to cancel a debt he owes you. When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to him forever.
— Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, Boundaries, p. 134
It bears repeating: We are not in charge of others! Not their behavior, their thoughts, their dreams, their problems, their successes, or their failures.
Even the children we parent have their own journey to make, and our so-called control over them is, in fact, an illusion. We can set an example for them, we can suggest a set of behaviors, we can demonstrate a code of ethics, we can even require that they live by certain “house rules” while under our roof, but finally it is they who will decide who they want to be and what they want to do, regardless of our efforts. And for that we will become grateful in time.
I say: Let’s celebrate the fact that we are in charge of no one but ourselves. It relieves us of a heavy burden, and a thankless job, one that never blesses us. Taking control of every thought we have and every action we take, and being willing to relinquish the past while savoring the present, will assuredly keep us as busy as we need to be. Doing these things, and only these things is why we are here. It’s only when we live our own lives and manage our own affairs, freeing others to do the same, that we find the peace we seek and so deserve.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow:Â 12 Simple Principles, p. 8-9
A good relationship is worth the effort of letting go of an annoying trait in your partner and being as kind as possible to this person you are connected to. Those two ideas are central to your marriage vows. A marriage is a choice to recommit to your partner every day. Every spouse, whether recovering from a brutal betrayal or simply dealing with a sloppy partner, decides every day wehter to get up and dance with that partner again. Every marriage goes through periods when each partner is not sure about continuing it. . . . Forgiveness is based upon a continual recommitment to your relationship. Forgiveness comes after grieving your losses, and it allows you to move forward in your relationship with happiness and a positive attitude. This is true whether the losses were big (your spouse is a drug addict) or little (your lazy partner never does the grocery run) or somewhere in between — as when you accept the fact that you married a slob, you have grieved the neat person you should have married, and you have recommitted to the lovable human being you chose to be with.
Recommitting is an ongoing process; you have to recommit every time your lover says the same dumb thing again and you react with your same exasperated sigh. You have to recommit when your lover is late yet again, or leaves a cheap tip for the third time in a week. If your partner does something annoying but ultimately insignificant, acknowledge your dismay or loss for an instant and then connect right back again. Try saying something to help put the annoyance in perspective and get back in the game. You could remind yourself that “she’s worth it,” or “it was no big deal.” Most of the time you don’t even need to let your lover know he or she has done anything wrong.
— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 199-200
Satan wants to destroy our dreams. God wants to surpass them. He gives us dreams so we’ll long for his reality.
— Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word Day by Day, p. 196
The Lord took no pleasure in my broken neck. Like any father who has compassion on his children, it pained his heart to see me hurt. Yet at the same time, it pleased the Lord to permit my accident. My spinal cord injury was something he sovereignly designed in and for his good pleasure.
God’s ways are so much higher than ours, he has the capacity to look at the world through two lenses — through a narrow lens and a wide-angle one. When God looks at a painful event through a narrow lens, he sees the tragedy for what it is. He is deeply grieved. . . . When God looks at that same event through his wide-angle lens, however, he sees the tragedy in relation to everything leading up to it, as well as flowing out from it. He sees a mosaic stretching into eternity. It is this mosaic with all its parts, both good and evil, that brings him delight.
— Joni Eareckson Tada, Pearls of Great Price, July 6 entry
Forgiveness doesn’t stand alone, as a punctual act or even as an isolated practice. That would be too passive an understanding of what forgiveness is all about. Rather, it is embedded in a way of life that is committed to overcoming evil by doing good.
— Miroslav Volf, Free of Charge, p. 189-190
I thought about Juliet some more.
I wondered what she would have done if Romeo had left her, not because he was banished, but because he lost interest? What if Rosalind had given him the time of day, and he’d changed his mind? What if, instead of marrying Juliet, he’d just disappeared?
I thought I knew how Juliet would feel.
She wouldn’t go back to her old life, not really. She wouldn’t ever have moved on, I was sure of that. Even if she’d lived until she was old and gray, every time she closed her eyes, it would have been Romeo’s face she saw behind her lids. She would have accepted that, eventually.
— Bella, in New Moon, by Stephenie Meyer, p. 370
Before going further, remind yourself of some of the key dynamics at play in your teenager: extreme self-consciousness, idealized independence, and an abundance of ego. Now imagine how guilt plays out in that natural psychosocial triumvirate that your teenager calls self. Guilt is everywhere! No matter that your teenager doesn’t give you a glimpse of his guilt, you need to know that it’s there, everyday. And in huge portions. He just hides it behind the closed bedroom door and the loud music blasting from his stereo.
In brief, guilt is part and parcel of every teenager. If you heap on needless portions, it blows up in your face, which means hasta la vista to the connection between you and your teenager. Focus on his integrity and stop short of playing the parent martyr.
— Michael Riera, PhD, Staying Connected to Your Teenager, p. 163
When it comes to discipline (which at heart means to teach), there are two different, yet complementary, components: consequences and support. Teenagers need consequences to get them to consider and reflect upon what they have done. In essence, the consequence makes space for the learning. But make no mistake about it, the consequence seldom, if ever, does the teaching. Support is what enables your teenager to realize that she had other options that she could have and should have chosen. But most important, support helps her to understand why she did what she did, which goes a long way to preventing another lapse in her choices farther down the road.
— Michael Riera, PhD, Staying Connected to Your Teenager, p. 159-160