Make It Better

“If you feel devalued by something your partner, child, or parent says or does, he or she probably feels devalued too.  Devaluing him or her in return will only make it worse.  Compassion will make it better.

“Compassion does not mean giving in.  Giving in or ‘going along to avoid an argument’ virtually guarantees resentment.  Resentment undermines and ruins attachment relationships.

“Most of the time resolution without resentment is possible with a sincere effort to understand one another.  We become the angriest (the most hurt), not when disappointed for not getting what we want, but when feeling misunderstood or disregarded.  With compassion, we never feel unimportant or disregarded or unlovable (although we may feel disappointed).  This makes negotiation on all issues much easier.  Compassion is absolutely necessary for resolution in the event of hurt feelings….

With compassion the goal is not to ‘win’ a dispute, but to find a solution in which all parties feel regarded, important, and valuable.”

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 37

Listening to Your Spirit

“My definition of guilt is quite simple:  when you try to force yourself to do something you don’t really want to do….  Anytime you hear yourself say, ‘I should, I’m supposed to, I have to,’ you have ignored your spirit to please your tribe.

“Coming into harmony with your soul releases the tension in your body and eliminates the mental Ping-Pong.  When you hear your spirit, there is a huge surge of energy with a wonderful feeling of relief.  Suddenly you are awake, alert, and fully alive and ready to live.”

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 49


“You do not want ‘obedience’ in your home, you want cooperation.  When people feel valued, they cooperate.  When they don’t feel valued, they resist what feels to them like submission.  The keys to resentment-free cooperation are making behavior requests, instead of demands and, above all, tolerance of differences.

When a partner gives in to a demand, he’ll be resentful.”

— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp