More Fun, But Impractical

Forgiveness, Humor 0

There are some who say that you should forgive everyone, even the people who have disappointed you immeasurably.  There are others who say you should not forgive anyone, and should stomp off in a huff no matter how many times they apologize.  Of these two philosophies, the second one is of course much more fun, but it can also grow exhausting to stomp off in a huff every time someone has disappointed you, as everyone disappoints everyone eventually, and one can’t stomp off in a huff every minute of the day.

— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 26

Happy Families

Humor 0

A certain Russian writer said that happy families are all alike, which is absurd.  Some happy families do nothing but train seals all day, while others prefer to paint pictures of flowers on pieces of pottery and sell them for outrageous prices at fairs.  There are happy families who consist of nothing but a happy father and his happy twin sons, and there are happy families who have so many happy cousins that whenever the happy family wants to go somewhere together they have to rent an entire happy bus to do so.  There are happy families who live in the happy center of certain happy cities, and there are happy families who rent a different happy hut on a different happy island every happy week.  Really the only thing that all happy families have in common is happiness and perhaps a certain sagginess around the cheeks from smiling all the livelong day.

— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 24

Jane Austen’s Juvenalia

Humor 0

On being shewn into an elegant dressing room, ornamented with festoons of artificial flowers, they were struck with the engaging Exterior and beautifull outside of Jezalina the eldest of the young Ladies, but e’er they had been many minutes seated, the Wit and Charms which shone resplendent in the conversation of the amiable Rebecca, enchanted them so much that they all with one accord jumped up and exclaimed.

“Lovely and too charming Fair one, notwithstanding your forbidding Squint, your greazy tresses and your swelling Back, which are more frightfull than imagination can paint or pen describe, I cannot refrain from expressing my raptures, at the engaging Qualities of your Mind, which so amply atone for the Horror, with which your first appearance must ever inspire the unwary visitor.”

— Jane Austen at 12, in “Frederic and Elfrida,” Minor Works

Sadness

Humor 0

It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.

— Lemony Snicket, Horseradish:  Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid, p. 16

A Boomerang

Forgiveness, Healing, Letting Go 0

Cursing is a boomerang.  If I will evil towards someone else, that evil becomes visible in me.  It is an extreme way of being forensic, toward myself, as well as toward whoever outrages me.  To avoid contaminating myself and everybody around me, I must work through the anger and the hurt feelings and the demands for absolute justice to a desire for healing.  Healing for myself, and my anger, first, because until I am at least in the process of healing, I cannot heal; and then healing for those who have hurt or betrayed me, and those I have hurt and betrayed.

— Madeleine L’Engle, A Stone for a Pillow, quoted in Glimpses of Grace, compiled by Carole F. Chase

Realistic Books

Books, Humor, Librarians 0

Neither my mother nor my dog dies in this book.  I’m rather tired of those types of stories.  In my opinion, such fantastical, unrealistic books — books in which boys live on mountains, families work on farms, or anyone has anything to do with the Great Depression — have a tendency to rot the brain.  To combat such silliness, I’ve written the volume you now hold — a solid, true account.  Hopefully, it will help anchor you in reality.

So, when people try to give you some book with a shiny round award on the cover, be kind and gracious, but tell them that you don’t read “fantasy,” because you prefer stories that are real.  Then come back here and continue your research on the cult of evil Librarians who secretly rule the world.

— Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians, by Brandon Sanderson, p. 50

Connection

Letting Go, Parenting, Teenagers 0

Psychologists and various social scientists often talk about the theoretical concept of separation, and the need for adolescents to separate from their parents and families and establish their independence.  Adolescence is thought of as a time when teenagers venture out on their own to discover themselves, so that they can come back to their families as fully individuated adults.  Fat chance.  The simplistic notion of independence versus dependence in the context of separation is outdated and inaccurate — if indeed it ever was a reflection of reality — and it needlessly pits parents and teenagers against one another.  Connection is the foundation of a healthy parent-teenager relationship — a connection that is based on interdependence.

Therefore, you need to erase the idea of separation from your mind and replace it with the concept of extension.  That is, during adolescence teenagers need to extend away from their parents, all the while staying connected to their parents.  Their job is to extend; your job is to connect.

— Staying Connected To Your Teenager:  How To Keep Them Talking To You and How To Hear What They’re Really Saying, by Michael Riera, PhD, p. 4

The Message of Macbeth

Books, Life, Love, Truth 0

“Shakespeare did not write for your ease of reading,” she said.

No kidding, I thought.

“He wrote to express something about what it means to be a human being in words more beautiful than had ever yet been written.”

“So in Macbeth, when he wasn’t trying to find names that sound alike, what did he want to express in words more beautiful than had ever yet been written?”

Mrs. Baker looked at me for a long moment.  Then she went and sat back down at her desk.  “That we are made for more than power,” she said softly.  “That we are made for more than our desires.   That pride combined with stubbornness can be disaster.  And that compared with love, malice is a small and petty thing.”

— Gary D. Schmidt, The Wednesday Wars

Letting Go of Control

Letting Go, Love, Relationships 0

To be intimate or close, we have to let go, for the moment, of our need to control.  Controlling and caretaking prevent intimacy and closeness.  They are substitutes for, and barricades to, closeness.  We can’t be close if we’re trying to control or caretake.  Controlling and caretaking are ways to connect with people.  They’re not as satisfying as closeness and intimacy, but for some of us, those are the only ways we learned how to connect with others.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 185