Guilt and Shame

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing 0

Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.  Guilt is believing that what we did isn’t okay.  Authentic guilt is valuable.  It’s a signal that we’ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.  It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.  Shame is worthless.  Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn’t.  Guilt is resolvable.  We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior.  Shame isn’t resolvable.  It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what’s needed….

If we feel ashamed because we’ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior.  If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message.  If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 107-110

 

Out Endure the Ego

Forgiveness 0

Forgiveness is the decision to out endure the ego.  Therefore, don’t try to forgive for all time; just forgive in the moment.  Two minutes from now the grievance may come back.  Simply forgive again in the moment.  If you keep surrounding someone in the light, soon your ego — which hates light — will stop handing you the grudge.

— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself, p. 21

The Key to Intimate Relationships

Compassion, Relationships 0

Here’s the hot and hard truth:  Only your own loving behavior can make you feel worthy of love.  It’s not rocket science.  The only way to feel lovable is to be loving and compassionate.

Compassion is the most important emotion for forging intimate relationships.  It contributes far more to happiness than love does.  Relationships can be happy with low levels of love and high levels of compassion, but not the other way around.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 207

Nobler than Suffering

Healing, Inspiration, Life 0

Integrity and honesty are noble.  Suffering is not required.  In fact, when you suffer, it’s easy to forget about the rest of the world.  Personal suffering tends to obscure our vision beyond our own pain and to cut us off from community….

When people rewrite and heal their limiting belief about suffering, they begin to look outward, not inward.  There would be more focus in the world on helping others and being of service rather than on one’s own wounds or suffering.  People’s attention would not be on keeping a good reputation (as one who suffers and is therefore noble), but connecting with the person next door who could use some assistance.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 208

Up to You

Healing, Life 0

Just like the level of resentment you carry, the amount of suffering you endure is entirely up to you.  Change your limiting beliefs about suffering and the subtle ways you cause yourself to suffer, and I guarantee at least 50 percent of your suffering will disappear.  (And how many martyrs does it take to change that lightbulb?  Absolutely none, because they all just sit in the dark — by their own choice — and quietly suffer.)

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 207

Victor or Victim

Life, Love 0

Loss of love is always devastating, but it can also be a time for airing out stuffy inner rooms, reassessing values, starting anew.  Relationships may become stagnant or wither and die, but life and love continue.

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 204

To-don’t Lists

Joy, Letting Go, Life 0

We need to rid our to-do lists of things that don’t matter, don’t create value, don’t make a difference.  We need to restructure our lives and take more time to do things that bring us joy.  Women need to carve out time for the activities that will create meaningful lives and discard the things that won’t.

— This Is Not the Life I Ordered, by Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro

Apology Energy

Healing 0

Apology energy will not only drain you, it will teach others that you are open to criticism and judgment.  Apology energy will reinforce that you don’t deserve to be happy, wealthy, healthy, or successful but that you have to earn your way to make it acceptable to others….

You can eliminate apology energy by rewriting limiting beliefs that create conflict because you are happy, successful, or have ease in life….

To eliminate victim energy, be honest about the need to blame others for your lot in life because it’s easier than making different choices; this honesty will start you on the road to reclaiming your power….

Please avoid, at all costs, the tragedy of your apology energy colliding with victim energy.  Your apology will simply justify a victim’s belief that life isn’t fair, and the person’s powerlessness will intensify your need to apologize….

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 204-206