Not an Endurance Test

Love, Relationships 0

It is a sorry and often heard refrain that “love has vanished from our relationship.”  As with many such statements, this is unfair to love.  It’s not love that has disappeared from the relationship, we have.  Lasting love is not a test of endurance.  When we are able to appreciate all the little things which brought us together, and deepen that appreciation over the years, we stay together.  Such a relationship is one of life’s great success stories.

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 181

You Can Opt Out

Healing, Letting Go, Relationships 0

Although from the outside gaslighting can look like the work of a single, abusive gaslighter, a gaslighting relationship always involves the active participation of two people.  That is, in fact, the good news.  If you’re caught in a gaslighting relationship, you may not be able to change the gaslighter’s behavior, but you can certainly change your own.  Again, it’s not easy, but it is simple:  You can end the gaslighting as soon as you stop trying to win the argument or convince your gaslighter to be reasonable.  Instead, you can simply opt out.…

Gaslighting can occur only when a gaslightee tries — consciously or not — to accommodate the gaslighter, or to get him to see things her way, because she so desperately wants his approval so she can feel whole.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 34-35

Flexible Eyes

Life 0

Today, I will have flexible eyes.  I will plant myself strongly within the decision to look softly.  I will move through the day as if it had never occurred before.  I will set no judgment in place ahead of time.  Over and over, I will return to the fact that I have not had this particular day before.  I have never had this phone conversation, been in this crowd, looked at this sky, had this sensation.  I will observe how everyone and every circumstance is a little different now than they have ever been.  Each difference I see today will be a prize I collect — and by the end of the day, I will be wealthy in newness

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 213

A Silly Story

Marriage 0

Perhaps more couples could be like the couple who recently celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary.  They summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage this way:  The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish.  After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.'”  The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s spelling.”

— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together, p. 109

Work toward Compassion

Compassion, Healing 0

It’s hard to feel compassion for someone while that person is using or victimizing us.  We’ll probably feel angry.  First, we stop allowing ourselves to be used.  Then, we work toward compassion.  Anger can motivate us to set boundaries, but we don’t need to stay resentful to keep taking care of ourselves.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 70-71

Contentment

Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

We must let our day, our week, our life come to us, rather than ceaselessly clawing to get the life we want.  Instead of focusing on what hasn’t been done for us, we must look more gently on the particular circumstances we find ourselves in at the moment and concentrate on experiencing stillness and peace where we are.

— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 209

A Simple Lesson in Loving

Compassion, Core Value, Love 0

Approach everyone you meet as an individual with dignity and a life as complicated and mysterious as your own.  Discard preceonceptions and suspend, even for a moment, the idea that you “know this type.”

Do these things and perhaps you might learn the most important lesson that love can teach us:  that each person is worthy of our love simply because they are human, one of God’s unique creations, and begin from there.

— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 179