The process of reinvention, we’ve learned, is best managed with humor, friendship, optimism, and a long-lasting high-beam flashlight to see the light at the end of every tunnel.
— Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro, This Is Not the Life I Ordered, p. 16
I will work hard to heal my hurt. This means understanding my own deepest emotions and those of all my loved ones. I will not hurt their feelings or try to control them, even if they hurt mine or try to control me.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 186
The one major thing God told me from the very beginning, when I had no clue where I was or where I was going, was obedience in the face of reason. I was to keep a short account with God, cleanse myself daily of anger, bitterness and resentment, and forgive even when I didn’t feel like it. Willingness was, and is, always the key.
— Testimonial in Your Father Knows Best:Â True Reports from Court of God Moving When People are Praying, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp
No matter how bad you feel, if you do one of these — improve, appreciate, protect or connect — you will feel better.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 184
It is a sorry and often heard refrain that “love has vanished from our relationship.” As with many such statements, this is unfair to love. It’s not love that has disappeared from the relationship, we have. Lasting love is not a test of endurance. When we are able to appreciate all the little things which brought us together, and deepen that appreciation over the years, we stay together. Such a relationship is one of life’s great success stories.
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 181
Although from the outside gaslighting can look like the work of a single, abusive gaslighter, a gaslighting relationship always involves the active participation of two people. That is, in fact, the good news. If you’re caught in a gaslighting relationship, you may not be able to change the gaslighter’s behavior, but you can certainly change your own. Again, it’s not easy, but it is simple: You can end the gaslighting as soon as you stop trying to win the argument or convince your gaslighter to be reasonable. Instead, you can simply opt out.…
Gaslighting can occur only when a gaslightee tries — consciously or not — to accommodate the gaslighter, or to get him to see things her way, because she so desperately wants his approval so she can feel whole.
— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 34-35
When all else fails, try gratitude. Sometimes, that’s what we’re supposed to be learning. If we can’t think of anything to be grateful about, be grateful anyway.
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 71
I’ve learned that love is a decision, renewable every day. Every minute, sometimes!
— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together, p. 111
If everything looks black, we’ve probably got our eyes shut.
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 71
Today, I will have flexible eyes. I will plant myself strongly within the decision to look softly. I will move through the day as if it had never occurred before. I will set no judgment in place ahead of time. Over and over, I will return to the fact that I have not had this particular day before. I have never had this phone conversation, been in this crowd, looked at this sky, had this sensation. I will observe how everyone and every circumstance is a little different now than they have ever been. Each difference I see today will be a prize I collect — and by the end of the day, I will be wealthy in newness
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 213