The goal of healing is to have whatever harm you’ve suffered become the least important thing about you. Other people’s behavior is not about you at all. Only your core value is about you.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 105
Next time something or someone comes along seeking your time, ask yourself, If I agree and answer yes to this request, what am I saying no to?
— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together, p. 75
Stop and celebrate each of those small successes, each of those little steps we take on our journey to success. Don’t skip over them, don’t rush through them, but take time to enjoy each as it comes. It will encourage you and, most important, it will motivate you to keep going.
— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together:Â Discover God’s Pattern for Your Life, p. 67
“Truthfulness is a more helpful concept than honesty. In conversations with the ones you love, be true to your heart instead of honest to your moods.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 157
The road to psychological ruin begins with blame.
The road to psychological power begins with responsibility.
You cannot blame and find good solutions at the same time. You must choose between blame and making things better.
Blame is always about the past. Solutions must occur in the present and the future.
Blame focuses attention on damage, injury, defects, weakness — on what is wrong. Blame makes you feel like a powerless victim.
Responsibility focuses attention on strengths, resiliency, competence, growth, creativity, healing, and compassion, all of which are necessary for solving family problems.
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 44
“Nothing your prodigal, or you, are involved in right now has God wringing His hands, searching for a solution. We only need to allow God to be God….
“Nothing that concerns you is too petty for God to resolve for you.”
— Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen, p. 172-173
“Disappointment, sadness, anxiety, and distress are part of everyday living. Only if they stimulate core hurts that are blamed on someone else will they become anger.
“Disappointment means you didn’t get something you wanted. It doesn’t mean that you are unworthy of it, it just means you didn’t get it.
“Sadness means you’ve lost something. It doesn’t mean that you are unlovable, it just means that you lost something.
“Anxiety is a dread that something bad might happen. It does not tell you that you are bad; it tells you to pay attention to a problem, so you can solve it.
“Distress means that you are currently overloaded in emotional response. It doesn’t mean that you are inadequate, it means your overexcited emotional circuits need a moment to calm. HEALS will do the trick quickly.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 40
“In recovery, we stop enduring life and begin to live it…. We forego worrying and denial, and learn constructive problem solving skills…. We learn to value what we want and need; we stop punishing ourselves for other people’s problems, nonsense and insanity. We stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, and we stop expecting perfection of others…. We stop getting tangled up in craziness…. We stop compulsively taking care of other people and we take care of ourselves. We learn to be good to ourselves, to have fun, and to enjoy life. We learn to feel good about what we’ve accomplished. We stop focusing on what’s wrong and we notice what’s right.”
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency:Â And Getting Better All the Time, p. 13.
“General Rule:Â If you have to justify your emotions or behavior, to yourself or others, they are almost always harmful.
“The urge to justify should be a trigger to heal the hurt that causes the anger. Justifying anger never heals the hurt that causes it.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 39-40.
“Deliberately using our capacity to be amused is one of many ways we can cleanse the mind of pollutants. Laughter is letting go. Laughter — true laughter, laughter that makes us all feel closer as opposed to laughter that makes us feel uneasy and separate — is instantaneous release of anxiety, discouragement, and all other fragmented states….
“Children are predisposed to laugh. They are pre-amused. Because of this, children can often prevent disturbing thoughts from getting a foothold in their minds in the first place. Under most circumstances, they instinctively shift their preoccupation from a subject of disstress to a subject of delight.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 139