“We can never feel taken advantage of or exploited in the experience of compassion, for compassion is its own reward. Even if it turns out that someone else’s defenses or weaknesses have motivated manipulation, we have the self-satisfaction of knowing that we acted out of compassion, which is always the right thing.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 36
“If you feel devalued by something your partner, child, or parent says or does, he or she probably feels devalued too. Devaluing him or her in return will only make it worse. Compassion will make it better.
“Compassion does not mean giving in. Giving in or ‘going along to avoid an argument’ virtually guarantees resentment. Resentment undermines and ruins attachment relationships.
“Most of the time resolution without resentment is possible with a sincere effort to understand one another. We become the angriest (the most hurt), not when disappointed for not getting what we want, but when feeling misunderstood or disregarded. With compassion, we never feel unimportant or disregarded or unlovable (although we may feel disappointed). This makes negotiation on all issues much easier. Compassion is absolutely necessary for resolution in the event of hurt feelings….
With compassion the goal is not to ‘win’ a dispute, but to find a solution in which all parties feel regarded, important, and valuable.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 37
“The comment, ‘You will never change,’ must delight the enemy trying to destroy your family.”
— Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen
“Attachment is like languages — you have to tolerate feeling not good at it in order to get better at it.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
“Shame never tells you you’re bad; it tells you that in your heart, you want to do better.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
“Getting our balance and keeping it once we have found it is what recovery is all about. If that sounds like a big order, don’t worry. We can do it. We can learn to live again. We can learn to love again. We can even learn to have fun at the same time.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent Do More, p. 214
“It’s okay to be in a relationship, but it’s also okay to not be in a relationship. Find friends to love, be loved by, and who think we are worthwhile. Love ourselves and know we are worthwhile. Use our time alone as a breather. Let go. Learn the lessons we are to be learning. Grow. Develop. Work on ourselves, so when love comes along, it enhances a full and interesting life. Love shouldn’t be the concern of our whole life or an escape from an unpleasant life. Strive toward goals. Have fun. Trust God and His timing. He cares and knows about all our needs and wants.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 213-214
“My definition of guilt is quite simple: when you try to force yourself to do something you don’t really want to do…. Anytime you hear yourself say, ‘I should, I’m supposed to, I have to,’ you have ignored your spirit to please your tribe.
“Coming into harmony with your soul releases the tension in your body and eliminates the mental Ping-Pong. When you hear your spirit, there is a huge surge of energy with a wonderful feeling of relief. Suddenly you are awake, alert, and fully alive and ready to live.”
— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 49
“Satan’s lie is that our temptation is unique to us.”
– Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen, p. 149
“You do not want ‘obedience’ in your home, you want cooperation. When people feel valued, they cooperate. When they don’t feel valued, they resist what feels to them like submission. The keys to resentment-free cooperation are making behavior requests, instead of demands and, above all, tolerance of differences.
When a partner gives in to a demand, he’ll be resentful.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp