The Control Trap
“The trap of trying to control someone is that it makes you feel more powerless.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Month: October 2007
10 Posts
Why Resentment Is Counterproductive
“Resentment makes less important things more important than the most important things.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Avoiding Manipulation
“When we give up something for someone we love, no matter how great the sacrifice, there can be no conditions. What we do, we do because we will it, free of implications of future payment, or debt, or guilt. Only in this way is sacrifice a healthy manifestation of love.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 119
Growing in Love
“To continue to grow in love is a joyous and mystical journey, full of new insight, excitement and surprise. The eventual payoff, though it may not offer us all of the answers, is well worth the trip.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 118
What makes your heart sing?
“Simply put, listening to that [your spirit’s] voice means making a sacred choice to do and believe things because they make your heart sing!”
— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices: Thinking Outside the Tribe to Heal Your Spirit, p. 43
Let Go of Control.
“You can’t control other egos and events, so let go of control. You can only control your focus. So focus on what unites, comforts, and stills your mind.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 116
Letting Go of Outcomes
“Although we can’t control even the tiniest ego or smallest event, we can control our decision to control. We can let go and be free, or we can fight useless battles. But we can’t do both. Either our attention is on form or content, on appearance or substance. By letting go of our desire to dominate outcomes, we don’t sacrifice anything real, but we do open our heart and mind to the experience of wholeness.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 112-113
Have Some Fun!
“As codependents, we need to learn to play and enjoy ourselves. Arranging for and allowing ourselves to have fun is an important part of taking care of ourselves. It helps us stay healthy. It helps us work better. It balances life…. Fun is taking time to celebrate being alive.”
–Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 199
Forgiveness
“Forgiving and forgetting feed our denial system. We need to think about, remember, understand, and make good decisions about what we are forgiving, what can be forgotten, and what is still a problem. And forgiving someone does not mean we have to let that person keep hurting us….
“I am not suggesting we adopt an unforgiving attitude. We all need forgiveness. Grudges and anger hurt us; they don’t help the other person much either. Forgiveness is wonderful. It wipes the slate clean. It clears up guilt. It brings peace and harmony. It acknowledges and accepts the humanness we all share, and it says, ‘That’s okay. I love you anyway.’ But I believe we codependents need to be gentle, loving, and forgiving with ourselves before we can expect to forgive others. But I believe codependents need to think about how, why, and when we dole out forgiveness.
“Also, forgiveness is closely tied into the acceptance or grief process. We cannot forgive someone for doing something if we have not fully accepted what this person has done….
“Forgiveness comes in time — in its own time — if we are striving to take care of ourselves.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 197-198
Getting used to Peace
“As we develop our lives, set our goals, and find things to do that interest us, peace will become comfortable–more comfortable than chaos.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 192