Compassion vs. Trust
We never get hurt by too much compassion, but we’re hurt all the time by unwise trust. Compassion makes you less likely to trust unwisely. With compassion you see the…
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Connecting to Communicate
If partners are motivated to attack or avoid, employing even the most sophisticated communication skills will make them appear phony and manipulative. In my quarter-century of clinical practice, I have…
Compassion over Pity
Adults in the Toddler brain often confuse autonomy with acting morally or intellectually superior, only to be surprised by the negative reactions to what they think is compassionate behavior. Their…
Focus on What You’re For
Beware of forming bonds with individuals or groups because you dislike the same people or resent the same things. The trick, once again, is to focus on what you are…
Better in Small Ways
If you focus continually on making the world a better place in some small way by improving, appreciating, connecting, and protecting, you’ll develop conviction, stand for something, and model those…
For or Against
Being for something creates positive feelings of interest, passion, or joy, which improve health and relationships. Being against something foments negative feelings of anger, contempt, envy, or disgust, which have…
Fuel for Growth
To soar above is to go beyond limits, to become greater, to become the most empowered and humane persons we can be. This, I believe, is the evolved function of…
The Royal Road to Self-Value
The royal road to self-value begins with value of others. Think of how you feel when you’re loving and supportive to those you love, compared to when you devalue them.…
Feedback Loop
The human brain must do three operations when confronted with a bad situation. The first is in the Toddler brain. When something bad happens — or seems like it might…
Growing Up
We turn Toddler brain feelings into Adult brain values by activating instinctual motivations to improve, appreciate, protect, and connect. We make the final transition from feelings to values by expanding…