Conviction, not Anger

Compassion, Core Value, Inspiration 0

Conviction is for something, like justice and fair treatment, while anger and resentment are against something, like injustice or unfair treatment.  Those who hate injustice want retribution and triumph, not fairness; they fantasize about punishment of their unjust opponents, who must submit to humiliation.  The fantasies of those who love justice are of equality, harmony, and triumphant good.

Being for something generates energy and creates positive feelings and relationships, while being against something depletes energy, creates negative feelings, and usually has deleterious effects on relationships — if you’re resentful about something at work, you won’t be as sweet to your kids when you get home.

— Steven Stosny You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 117

Core Value

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What you cannot get from others is your core value, your internal sense of importance, value, worthiness, equality, and personal power — your ability to act according to your own deepest values.  These are too personal and too important to rely on the advice or behavior of others.  They must be self-regulated.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 116

Celebrate Small Successes

Joy, Life 0

Stop and celebrate each of those small successes, each of those little steps we take on our journey to success.  Don’t skip over them, don’t rush through them, but take time to enjoy each as it comes.  It will encourage you and, most important, it will motivate you to keep going.

— Debbie Macomber, Knit Together:  Discover God’s Pattern for Your Life, p. 67

The Golden Rule of Self-Esteem

Compassion, Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing, Relationships 0

The road to psychological ruin begins with blame.

The road to psychological power begins with responsibility.

You cannot blame and find good solutions at the same time.  You must choose between blame and making things better.

Blame is always about the past.  Solutions must occur in the present and the future.

Blame focuses attention on damage, injury, defects, weakness — on what is wrong.  Blame makes you feel like a powerless victim.

Responsibility focuses attention on strengths, resiliency, competence, growth, creativity, healing, and compassion, all of which are necessary for solving family problems.

— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 44