A Community of Loved Ones

Community, Friends, Love, Relationships 0

You may think that a community of loved ones can come later; that what you really need is a partner. If you think this way, chances are good that you are sabotaging your search for love. If you seek romantic love but are not building love into your relationships with friends and family, chances are good that you won’t find what you’re looking for….

Our characters are like wax. Left alone in the cold commerce of day-to-day life, we harden into whatever shape our environment creates for us. Wax must be warmed to be reshaped. We are warmed when we are in the Gift Zone. When we are in the presence of people with whom we feel safe, we are also warmed. We begin to soften. We find ourselves becoming malleable and trusting as we open these tender parts of ourselves again. At that time we need the kind and supportive hands of others to help us reshape ourselves. We can’t do it alone.

— Ken Page, Deeper Dating, p. 74.

[Photo: Bluebell Trail, Bull Run Regional Park, Virginia, April 8, 2016.]

Unlocking the Door

Forgiveness 0

It is difficult to release hurt when people have been cruel. I have seen repeatedly that forgiveness grants that ability. Forgiveness allows us to reclaim our power from the people who continue to hurt us through our use of blame and personal offense. Staying tied to people who were unkind by taking things too personally is the first step in a process by which we intensify the grievance that began when we did not get what we wanted. Blame is the second step. Forgiveness is the key to unlocking the door to let you out.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Good, p. 31-32

[Photo: Burg Rheinfels, Germany, April 4, 1997]

Saving the Lost

God, Redemption, Universalism 0

But there is a further difficulty in the way of the popular creed. Who are those whom it represents as finally unsaved? — the finally impenitent, the most obstinate sinners. And what is that but to say, in so many words, that those precisely whose case furnished the strongest reason for the Saviour’s mission are unsaved? Admit their guilt, recognize as we do to the very utmost the need and the certainty of retribution; still, when all this has been said, it remains true that Christ came to save the “lost,” and if so, the more “lost” any are, the more Christ came to seek and to save them, and if he fails, the more marked his failure.

— Thomas Allin, Christ Triumphant, p. 39

[Photo: South Riding, Virginia, March 21, 2018]

Truth vs. Evil

Truth 0

There’s a popular misconception that religion, Christianity specifically, is about knowing the difference between good and evil so that we can choose the good. But being good has never set me free the way truth has. Knowing all of this makes me love and hate Jesus at the same time. Because, when instead of contrasting good and evil, he contrasted truth and evil, I have to think about all the times I’ve substituted being good (or appearing to be good) for truth.

Very often I will avoid the truth until my face goes red like a toddler avoiding her nap; until limp limbed, she finally stops flailing and falls asleep and receives rest — the very thing she needs and the very thing she fights. When someone like me, who will go to superhero lengths to avoid the truth, runs out of options — when I am found out or too exhausted to pretend anymore or maybe just confronted by my sister — it feels like the truth might crush me. And that is right. The truth does crush us, but the instant it crushes us, it somehow puts us back together into something honest. It’s death and resurrection every time it happens.

— Nadia Bolz-Weber, Pastrix, p. 73-74.

[Photo: Giant’s Causeway, Ireland, July 2001]

You Are Worthy of Love.

Core Value, Love 0

You are a person worthy of love. You don’t have to do anything to prove that. You don’t have to climb Mt. Everest, write a catchy tune that goes viral on YouTube, or be the CEO of a tech start-up who cooks every meal from scratch using ingredients plucked from your organic garden. If you’ve never received an award and there are no plaques proclaiming your exceptional gifts hanging on your walls, you still deserve all the love in the world. You do not have to earn love. You simply have to exist. When we see ourselves and see life more clearly, we come to rely on that. We remember that we do deserve the blessing of love.

— Sharon Salzberg, Real Love, p. 9-10.

[Photo: Portland, Oregon, August 9, 2014.]

Desires vs. Entitlements

Core Value, Love, Relationships 0

Desires feature more positive motivation than entitlements. If what you desire is based on your deeper values, the act of desiring makes you a better person. For example, the desire to love makes you more lovable, that is, more loving and compassionate.

Desire is appreciative, not entitled: if I desire something I am more likely to appreciate it than if I feel entitled to it. I’ll appreciate a bonus for my good work, but I’ll demand my contracted salary. I’ll appreciate gifts, unless I feel entitled to them. I’ll appreciate my partner’s help, praise, reward, affection, and support, which I very much want, as long as I don’t feel entitled to them because I “need” them.

— Steven Stosny, PhD, Empowered Love, p. 29-30

[Photo: Glenveagh, Ireland, July 2001.]