Always Hope
“The comment, ‘You will never change,’ must delight the enemy trying to destroy your family.”
— Robert E. Steinkamp, The Prodigal’s Pen
Category: Forgiveness
10 Posts
…As the Lord Forgave You
“Forgiveness is made easy when we can identify with others and admit to our own imperfections and an equal capacity for wrongdoing.”
— Leo Buscaglia, Born for Love, p. 133
Why Resentment Is Counterproductive
“Resentment makes less important things more important than the most important things.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Forgiveness
“Forgiving and forgetting feed our denial system. We need to think about, remember, understand, and make good decisions about what we are forgiving, what can be forgotten, and what is still a problem. And forgiving someone does not mean we have to let that person keep hurting us….
“I am not suggesting we adopt an unforgiving attitude. We all need forgiveness. Grudges and anger hurt us; they don’t help the other person much either. Forgiveness is wonderful. It wipes the slate clean. It clears up guilt. It brings peace and harmony. It acknowledges and accepts the humanness we all share, and it says, ‘That’s okay. I love you anyway.’ But I believe we codependents need to be gentle, loving, and forgiving with ourselves before we can expect to forgive others. But I believe codependents need to think about how, why, and when we dole out forgiveness.
“Also, forgiveness is closely tied into the acceptance or grief process. We cannot forgive someone for doing something if we have not fully accepted what this person has done….
“Forgiveness comes in time — in its own time — if we are striving to take care of ourselves.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 197-198
Your Choice
“Everything you resent, you could feel compassionate about.”
— Steven Stosny, Compassion Power Boot Camp
Incompatible Emotional States
“It’s not possible to feel loving or worthy of love at the same time that you feel resentful or angry–they are incompatible emotional states; you can feel one and then the other, but not both at once.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 49
The Mirror of Love
“I’m convinced that we use resentment and anger to punish loved ones, not so much for their behavior as for the pain we feel from our reflections in the mirror of love. In other words, it’s what we take their behavior to mean about us that causes us distress, resentment, and anger.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 48
Pouring It Out to God
“One of the wonderful things about God’s immutable character is that we’re not going to tempt Him to sin when we take our negative feelings to Him…. Pouring whatever is in our hearts out to God dramatically decreases our tendency to grow bitter.”
— Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word, p. 235
Breaking Free
“I wanted to make sure we addressed the importance of praying about someone who has hurt you because it is such a vital part of breaking free. Be honest with God. Pour your heart out to Him. Tell Him the things that hurt you. Tell on the one who injured you. Search the psalms to receive further permission to speak your heart, then practice it — from your own heart with your own words!… and don’t stop until all the bitter waters have been poured out before God, and He’s had a chance to begin pouring living water back in. ‘Trust in Him at all times!'”
— Beth Moore, Praying God’s Word, p. 239-40
The Flip Side of Forgiveness
“The road to psychological ruin begins with blame.
“The road to psychological power begins with responsibility.
“You cannot blame and find good solutions at the same time….
“Blame is always about the past. Solutions must occur in the present and future.
“Blame obscures solutions by locking you into the problem and by focusing attention on damage, injury, defects, and weakness, on what is wrong. Blame makes you feel like a powerless victim.”
– Steven Stosny, The Powerful Self, p. 112