True Power

Forgiveness, God, Healing, Life, Love 0

Hatred, anger, mistrust, and fear enter our lives every day in a thousand different ways. We’re all wounded by these evils, but we can all be healed through the power of love and forgiveness — a power readily available to all of us when we have faith….

Faith is a living thing that must be nurtured every day through prayer, kindness, and acts of love. It will lead us through our darkest days and restore love and light to even the most troubled soul in the most dire of circumstances….

Faith has transformed my life, and it can transform yours. In fact, it is powerful enough to transform the entire world.

— Immaculee Ilibagiza, Led by Faith, p. 192

First, Love.

Forgiveness, Joy, Love 0

Try, if you can, to hate someone and be happy. Try to resent somebody and be joyous. Try to be angry at someone and be peaceful. Try to judge someone and feel free. Try to control someone and not feel controlled. Try to be fully independent and intimate. Try to cheat somebody and feel safe. It can’t happen, because what you do to another you’re doing to yourself. Love works! . . .

First, love! Love and enjoy everything! If you’re waiting to be happy before you start being loving, then you’ll find that you’re in for a very long wait. Similarly, if you’re waiting to be successful before you’re truly loving and generous, then you’ll be greatly disappointed and frustrated. There’s no such thing as happiness without love first, health without love first, peace of mind without love first, or freedom without love first. First, love! . . .

Resentment costs too much. Make no mistake — you are the one who has to pay the bill for the resentment you hold on to. It is your nervous system, your lungs, your muscles, your heart, your perception, and your mind that deteriorates and decays during every moment you try to defend yourself with hate. . . .

The problem with resentment is that you cannot be resentful and happy. There’s an old saying: “If your heart has room for one enemy, it is not a safe place for a friend.” You cannot hate and be happy. You cannot hate and love. You cannot hate and win. You cannot hate and be free. You cannot hate and be present. You cannot hate and have a future. The bottom line is . . .

You cannot carry resentment and peace of mind at the same time.

As long as you still value resentment, forgiveness will have no appeal. Forgiveness only has appeal for those who are interested in freedom, love, peace of mind, and joy.

— Robert Hold, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 185, 207-208

Love and Approval

Love 0

Of course love is never earned. It is a grace we give one another. Anything we need to earn is only approval.

Few perfectionists can tell the difference between love and approval. Perfectionism is so widespread in this culture that we actually have had to invent another word for love. “Unconditional love” we say. Yet, all love is unconditional. Anything else is just approval.

— Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, Kitchen Table Wisdom, p. 47

Moving on to the Goodness of Love

Connection, Forgiveness, Life, Love 0

Not forgiving ourselves, not forgiving others, not forgiving, even when the whole world thinks we should, is a part of who we are. It is as natural to us as our defenses, our repression, our dissociation, our denial. No one is able to look at himself whole. No one is so evolved as to deal creatively with every loss and insult. No one is free from illusions about himself, positive and negative. No one is immune to the joys of victimhood and revenge. We all have this in us. We are all enmeshed to some degree in our inner dramas and the unimaginable passions and loyalties they represent, which hold sway over us in ways that not even we can know. If we can see some of this in ourselves, accept it, be concerned about it, talk about it, it is less likely to control or overwhelm us. We will have a better chance to stay connected, to expand our zone of connection, to dissolve whatever scar tissue we can from a life of hurt and conflict, and move on to the goodness of love.

— Robert Karen, PhD, The Forgiving Self, p. 279

Loving Along the Way

Children, Love, Parenting 0

In spite of all my efforts as a mother, my children will not wake up one morning and be perfect. Just as I will never “arrive” as a mother, they will never “arrive” as children. My work is to companion them on their journeys, guiding, loving, and teaching them to love themselves along the way. Maybe that’s what our responsibility is to ourselves, too, as parents — loving ourselves at our best, in uncertainty, and in spite of flat-out failure.

— Lisa Groen Braner, The Mother’s Book of Well-Being, p. 168

Trust

Letting Go, Love, Relationships, Trust 0

To love others without feeling the need to trap or control them requires trust that your needs will all be met, withor without the other person’s cooperation. You must be absolutely sure that loving connection can encompass any level of difference without disappearing. You don’t have to trust the other person. You must only trust that your needs will be met no matter what that person may do.

— Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight, p. 198

Escaping Judgmentalism

Gratitude, Growth, Love, Relationships 0

Being judgmental is a habit, and it can be changed….

Training ourselves to feel and then express unconditional love, the antidote to judgment, is possible, particularly with God’s help. We can choose to bring God into our minds whenever we find ourselves in the act of judging; this changes our experience and our perspective instantly. Practicing gratitude is another simple way to escape from the habit of being judgmental.

Let’s try to remember that we choose all our relationships for the lessons they bring. Being willing to accept these lessons and the people who bring them can change our minds from judgment to love and acceptance.

— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 139

Suffering No Proof of Love

Compassion, Healing, Love 0

It’s amazing how many people believe that suffering is a proof of love. If I don’t suffer when you suffer, they think, it means that I don’t love you. How can that possibly be true? Love is serene; it’s fearless. If you’re busy projecting what someone’s pain must feel like, how can you be fully present with her? How can you hold her hand and love her with all your heart aas she moves through her experience of pain? Why would she want you to be in pain, too? Wouldn’t she rather have you present and available?…

You don’t have to feel bad to act kindly. On the contrary: the less you suffer, the kinder you naturally become. And if compassion means wanting others to be free of suffering, how can you want for others what you won’t give to yourself?

— Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy, p. 73, 74

The Best Way of Leading

Letting Go, Love, Relationships 0

I don’t know what’s best for me or you or the world.  I don’t try to impose my will on you or on anyone else.  I don’t want to change you or improve you or convert you or help you or heal you.  I just welcome things as they come and go.  That’s true love.  The best way of leading people is to let them find their own way.

— Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy, p. 24