Grievance vs. Mourning
If grievance is the act of wishing for a different past, then mourning is the act of accepting that past in order to allow a different future.
— Mark O’Connell, PhD, The Marriage Benefit, p. 160
Category: Growth
10 Posts
A Greater Purpose
Your life is brimming with opportunities to learn about emotional freedom. Every success. Every heartbreak. Every loss. Every gain. How you transport yourself through these portals determines how free you can be. I want you to start viewing your emotions in a nonordinary way: as vehicles for transformation (the word emotion comes from the Latin meaning “to move”) rather than simply as feelings that make you happy or miserable. Expect them to test your heart; that’s the point. What you go through — what we all go through — has a greater purpose. Always, the imperative of emotional freedom is for the love in us to evolve. Albert Camus says, “Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.” To make this a reality, you must begin to see each event of your life, uplifting or hurtful, earthshaking or mundane, as a chance to grow stronger, smarter, more light-bearing.
But here’s where many of us hit a wall. We’re ashamed of feeling afraid, inadequate, lonely, as if we’ve failed or done something wrong. None of these conclusions are true. It’s a misguided expectation that we’re supposed to be serene all the time. A depressed patient once apologized, “I wish I could be coming to you for something more spiritual.” I felt for him, but like so many people in pain with that commonly held perception, he was mistaken. Facing emotions — all of them — is a courageous, spiritually transformative act.
— Judith Orloff, MD, Emotional Freedom, p. 16-17
Working Out for Good
Noticing and counting the beautiful reasons unexpected things happen for us ends the mystery. If you miss the real reasons, the benevolent reasons that coincide with kind nature, then count on depression to let you know that you missed them. Anger, frustration, and aggressive reasons can always be imagined — and what for? People who aren’t interested in seeing why everything is good get to be right. But that apparent rightness comes with disgruntlement, and often depression and separation. Depression can feel serious. So “counting the genuine ways that this unexpected event happened for me, rather than to me” isn’t a game. It’s an exercise in observing the nature of life. It’s a way of putting yourself back into reality, into the kindness of the nature of things.
— Byron Katie, I Need Your Love — Is That True?, p. 187
Escaping Judgmentalism
Being judgmental is a habit, and it can be changed….
Training ourselves to feel and then express unconditional love, the antidote to judgment, is possible, particularly with God’s help. We can choose to bring God into our minds whenever we find ourselves in the act of judging; this changes our experience and our perspective instantly. Practicing gratitude is another simple way to escape from the habit of being judgmental.
Let’s try to remember that we choose all our relationships for the lessons they bring. Being willing to accept these lessons and the people who bring them can change our minds from judgment to love and acceptance.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 139
One Day at a Time
One day at a time. What a concept. There is nothing we can’t do if we do it in small enough increments. Since we are certain of being alive only one instant at a time, let’s cherish the awareness that right now we can begin our day again with a new idea, a new attitude, and the appropriate accompanying behaviors. Anytime you choose to begin is the right time. Take it slow and small and your life will change.
— Karen Casey, Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, p. 128
Limiting Growth
When you are unwilling to forgive, you limit your growth. Forgiveness allows you to right a wrong in your spiritual self, to have understanding instead of resentment, to have compassion instead of hatred.
— Louise L. Hay, The Power Is Within You, p. 181
Doorway to Growth
You don’t have to forgive because they deserve it. Frankly, they don’t. But just as Jesus chose to forgive us even before we’d repented, the choice to forgive opens the way for the most meaningful growth we can experience in life. If you think you can’t possibly forgive, do it instead to set yourself free from that pain. Do it in hopes that trust will one day return. But do it soon, and accept that it’s simply a part of living life.
— Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs, I Do Again, p. 177
Teachers or Enemies
We can look at the people hurting us as teachers or as enemies. The most painful circumstances can become important parts of our destiny, or we can call them mistakes.
— Melody Beattie, The New Codependency, p. 19
Accountability
Accountability may not sound like a lot of fun, but trust us, its opposite is a lot less fun.
— Rick Foster & Greg Hicks, Choosing Brilliant Health, p. 51
Normal Behaviors Taken Too Far
Caring about people we love, feeling victimized when we’re betrayed, giving our all to people we love, or wanting to control people because we’re watching them destroy themselves and hurt us doesn’t mean we’re sick. These are natural reactions. Codependency is about normal behaviors taken too far. It’s about crossing lines.
— Melody Beattie, The New Codependency, p. 5