It is the smaller annoyances, and our negative responses to them, that kill happiness between partners. That criticism can quickly build into resentment…. It is our inability to let go of daily relationship hassles that causes the most decay in our relationship, not the infrequent big disasters.
— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 52
Forgiving a specific wrong reduces the stress and hostility that stems from an unresolved hurt, but becoming a truly forgiving husband or wife creates a marriage that surpasses what you ever hoped it would be. When you decide to really forgive your partner, you create an opening into a deep and sustaining love. Experiencing and giving that deep love is what we all crave when we enter into a relationship. That love is what we deny ourselves when we spend our lives criticizing our lovers and complaining about all the ways in which they do not measure up to our standards….
Love is what happens when you stop creating stress by arguing about the imperfections of the person you married. That does not mean you like everything your spouse does or that you don’t talk to your spouse about things. You are still going to have specific problems that require forgiveness, but thankfully those will be rare. Forgiveness allows the love to flourish and to not be corroded by your resentments and complaints.
— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 51-52
The ultimate goal of forgiveness, just as the ultimate goal of our whole lives should be, is to bring glory and honor to God.
Forgiveness in the life of a believer showcases the astounding, redemptive heart of God. It puts on display the riches of His abundant mercy and His amazing grace, for all to see….
Forgiveness is not just an act of obedience for obedience’s sake. Yes, we are commanded to forgive. And yes, we who have been forgiven so much certainly have no right to be debt collectors. But more than an obligation, forgiveness is a high calling — an opportunity to be part of something eternal, to shower back our gratitude to the One who forgave us everything….
Think of it as an offering, a sacrifice, a love gift to God . . . for Him and Him alone. If He adds to the blessing by causing our forgiveness to be of help to us or others, so much the better. But to know that He is pleased and praised — that is reason and reward enough.
— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 214-215
Truth number one: You can choose. Truth number two: You cannot choose for another.
— Tracy Groot, Madman, p. 187
I believe that, as a rule, the point of forgiveness is followed by a process of healing and restoration — not the other way around. The willingness to forgive is often the beginning of true healing taking place. Coming to the point of forgiveness allows us to fully enter into the process of restoration.
— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 176
Happiness is not squandered when it comes to people long bereft of it. They know what to do — hold it gently like a small bird, amazed the bird came to alight, and be pleased to let it stay as long as it will.
— Tracy Groot, Madman, p. 159
But forgiveness can’t be proven by our feelings, any more than it can be motivated or empowered by them. Forgiveness is a choice. And feelings often aren’t. It’s quite possible to forgive someone in totally the right way — God’s way — and still have thoughts flash across your mind that completely contradict the decision you made….
But that doesn’t negate what you’ve done. It simply gives you an opportunity to let Him rule over those emotions, to stay the course and keep on forgiving — by faith.
— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 171-172
We know that we do not need personal books — least of all librarian book collectors — but there is something about the way they speak to us unopened and spring to life when opened. It is good to sit at home in peace surrounded by the books that mean so much to me, even if neither utilitarianism nor rationalism can tell me why.
— Michael Gorman, Our Singular Strengths:Â Meditations for Librarians, p. 142
This doesn’t mean that what’s been done to you isn’t terrible But there is simply no comfort in unforgiveness. It soothes nothing. It takes you nowhere. Why go on letting it eat you alive when God’s strength is so near at hand, so ready to bring you relief?
— Nancy DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 170
It pains me to see standers giving up the battle without a fight. They mistakenly believe that quitting is easier than standing. God has called you to stand for your family. He will not give you peace when you are disobedient to His calling. Remember what happened to Jonah when he acted in a way opposite of God’s will for him. Quitting is actually doing things the hard way. By doing things God’s way, the burden of responsibility is lifted from one’s shoulders. Let Jesus carry the load and rest knowing that He will
always be with you, encouraging you along the way.
Dennis Wingfield, “Standing Firm,” February 11, 2008, issue