Let Go of Control.
“You can’t control other egos and events, so let go of control. You can only control your focus. So focus on what unites, comforts, and stills your mind.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 116
Letting Go of Outcomes
“Although we can’t control even the tiniest ego or smallest event, we can control our decision to control. We can let go and be free, or we can fight useless battles. But we can’t do both. Either our attention is on form or content, on appearance or substance. By letting go of our desire to dominate outcomes, we don’t sacrifice anything real, but we do open our heart and mind to the experience of wholeness.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 112-113
Have Some Fun!
“As codependents, we need to learn to play and enjoy ourselves. Arranging for and allowing ourselves to have fun is an important part of taking care of ourselves. It helps us stay healthy. It helps us work better. It balances life…. Fun is taking time to celebrate being alive.”
–Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 199
Forgiveness
“Forgiving and forgetting feed our denial system. We need to think about, remember, understand, and make good decisions about what we are forgiving, what can be forgotten, and what is still a problem. And forgiving someone does not mean we have to let that person keep hurting us….
“I am not suggesting we adopt an unforgiving attitude. We all need forgiveness. Grudges and anger hurt us; they don’t help the other person much either. Forgiveness is wonderful. It wipes the slate clean. It clears up guilt. It brings peace and harmony. It acknowledges and accepts the humanness we all share, and it says, ‘That’s okay. I love you anyway.’ But I believe we codependents need to be gentle, loving, and forgiving with ourselves before we can expect to forgive others. But I believe codependents need to think about how, why, and when we dole out forgiveness.
“Also, forgiveness is closely tied into the acceptance or grief process. We cannot forgive someone for doing something if we have not fully accepted what this person has done….
“Forgiveness comes in time — in its own time — if we are striving to take care of ourselves.”
— Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 197-198
Getting used to Peace
“As we develop our lives, set our goals, and find things to do that interest us, peace will become comfortable–more comfortable than chaos.”
Melody Beattie, Codependent No More, p. 192
Statement of Core Value
“I am worthy of respect, value, and compassion, whether or not I get them from others. If I don’t get them from others, it is necessary to feel more worthy, not less. It is necessary to affirm my own deep value as a unique person (a child of God). I respect and value myself. I have compassion for my hurt. I have compassion for the hurt of others. I trust myself to act in my best interests and in the best interests of loved ones.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 14
Core Value
“Core Value is an emotional awareness that no problem, behavior, or event can reduce your value as a person….
“The impulse to control or harm tells you that your Core Value is too low….
“People experience Core Value most frequently as motivation to improve, appreciate, protect, or connect.”
— Steven Stosny, Manual of the Core Value Workshop, p. 14
A Word from God
“When reading the Bible, people commonly experience a special ‘word in the Word,’ in which a particular passage seems to apply to an individual situation in a new way…. This ‘quickening of the Word’ encourages us that God is near and deeply interested in the particular circumstances of our lives.”
— Richard J. Foster, Prayer:Â Finding the Heart’s True Home, p. 137
Control is an Illusion.
“I’m here to say we can’t control anything. This is why being single doesn’t give us independence, why having personal wealth doesn’t give us protection, why having raised our children doesn’t set us free, or any of the zillion other conclusions our culture draws from the assumption that the key to control is to rely on ourselves first.”
— Hugh Prather, The Little Book of Letting Go, p. 107
Your Core Value
Please understand that what other people do to you is not about you. You heal and grow by acknowledging that the most important things about you are your inherent value as a person, along with your strengths, talents, skills, competence, resilience, compassion, and personal power.”
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 69