Positive Intention

Compassion, Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing, Joy, Love, Relationships 0

The good news is that as we connect to our positive intention, we begin to find forgiveness.  Forgiveness is the compassion we experience as we remind ourselves that by driving a car — having a relationship — we run the risk of a breakdown.  Forgiveness is the power we get as we assert that we have a deep well of resilience to draw upon.  Forgiveness is the grace that helps us remember to look around while we’re on the side of the road and appreciate our beautiful surroundings and the people we love.  To help forgiveness emerge, we can learn to see ourselves from the point of view of our positive intention, not primarily as a wounded or rejected lover.

— Dr. Fred Luskin, Forgive for Love, p. 190

Do Not Lose Hope.

Core Value, God, Joy, Life, Trials 0

“When all of this comes to pass, My word to you is this:  Do not lose hope.  A plan is unfolding that you cannot clearly see.  If you could see it as I do, you would still hurt, but you would not lose hope.  You would gladly remain faithful to Me in the middle of the worst suffering.  I guarantee you the power to please Me, not to have a good time.  But pleasing Me will bring you great joy.

“In the deepest part of your soul, you long more than anything else to be a part of My plan, to further My kingdom, to know Me and please Me and enjoy Me.  I will satisfy that longing.  You have the power to represent Me well no matter what happens in your life.  That is the hope I give  you in this world.  Don’t lose it.”

— Larry Crabb, Shattered Dreams:  God’s Unexpected Pathway to Joy, p. 46

The Child Inside

Children, Core Value, Relationships, Trust 0

For that delightful, exuberant, lovable child in us to come out and play and show his or her beautiful face in moments of intimacy and closeness, that child first has to be found.  Secondly, that child must know that if he or she comes out to play he or she will be protected, valued, cherished, and cared for.  That the child in us must feel this way isn’t optional:  it’s essential and a prerequisite to intimacy.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 185

A Bright Future

Core Value, Healing, Inspiration, Joy, Life 0

You can outgrow the wounds of the past with a deep appreciation of yourself, your courage, sensitivity, resilience, and desire for a better life.  You have enormous power and potential to become the person you were meant to be.  Appreciate your strengths and resilience.  Trust your inner voice — it tells you that you do not need to have value poured into you from outside sources.  Your vessel is full and ready to “runneth over.”  As you feel the light of your core value within, you can make it shine out of you, to illuminate all your days.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 316

Connection Is the Key

Compassion, Core Value, Marriage, Relationships 0

Just as nothing can be more important to you as an individual than remaining true to your core value, nothing can be more important to you as a couple than your emotional connection to one another.

You cannot resolve disputes with someone you love while being emotionally disconnected from that person.  The disconnection hurts too much and feels too much like betrayal.  To have any chance of finding your way out of a power struggle, you must try hard to make connection before you even attempt to solve the problem.  Your relationship has to be more important than the content of your disagreement, as does the emotional well-being of the most important adult in your life.

— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 298

New Opportunities

Core Value, Healing, Joy, Life 0

So now you have the opportunity to keep your life gaslight-free and go on to a new future.  You have the chance to rework or leave unsatisfying relationships and choose new relationships that feed your sense of self, your vitality, and your joy.  You have the chance to become a stronger, more solid person who charts her own course and lives by her own values.  Most important, you have the chance to discover what you truly want — in your work, your home life, your relationships, and yourself.  Freed from the Gaslight Effect, you can make better choices, choices that are right for you.  As you begin this exciting new portion of your life’s journey, I wish you strength and spirit and all the luck in the world.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 233

A Sense of Your Worth

Core Value, Relationships 0

The key to remaining gaslight-free is not to let your self-worth depend on someone else’s approval.  If there is even one little part of you that wants the approval of another person to make you feel better about yourself, boost your confidence, or bolter your sense of who you are in the world, then you are a gaslightee waiting for a gaslighter.  So developing a strong, clear sense of yourself and your worth is crucial to staying out of gaslighting relationships.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 224

Truth

Core Value, Relationships, Truth 0

Sometimes, you have to ask yourself what you really think, and go with that deep perception.  If you find out you’re wrong, admit it and correct your error.  If you find out you were right, congratulate yourself and move on.  Either way, your starting point needs to be your sense of what’s true, not your gaslighter’s.  If you’ve idealized your gaslighter and want to think well of him, you may be tempted to substitute his version of events for yours.  But don’t.  That’s how you start dancing the Gaslight Tango.

— Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect, p. 174