Making Stories

Books, Story, Writing 0

We who make stories know that we tell lies for a living. But they are good lies that say true things, and we owe it to our readers to build them as best we can. Because somewhere out there is someone who needs that story. Someone who will grow up with a different landscape, who without that story will be a different person. And who with that story may have hope, or wisdom, or kindness, or comfort.

And that is why we write.

–Neil Gaiman, Newbery Acceptance Speech, Horn Book Magazine, July/August 2009, Volume LXXXV Number 4, p. 350

Plugging Away

Writing 0

I am still plugging away at my writing. The road to literature is at first a very slow one, but I have made a good deal of progress since this time last year, and I mean to work patiently on until I win — as I believe I shall, sooner or later — recognition and success.

— L. M. Montgomery, before the publication of Anne of Green Gables

First, Love.

Forgiveness, Joy, Love 0

Try, if you can, to hate someone and be happy. Try to resent somebody and be joyous. Try to be angry at someone and be peaceful. Try to judge someone and feel free. Try to control someone and not feel controlled. Try to be fully independent and intimate. Try to cheat somebody and feel safe. It can’t happen, because what you do to another you’re doing to yourself. Love works! . . .

First, love! Love and enjoy everything! If you’re waiting to be happy before you start being loving, then you’ll find that you’re in for a very long wait. Similarly, if you’re waiting to be successful before you’re truly loving and generous, then you’ll be greatly disappointed and frustrated. There’s no such thing as happiness without love first, health without love first, peace of mind without love first, or freedom without love first. First, love! . . .

Resentment costs too much. Make no mistake — you are the one who has to pay the bill for the resentment you hold on to. It is your nervous system, your lungs, your muscles, your heart, your perception, and your mind that deteriorates and decays during every moment you try to defend yourself with hate. . . .

The problem with resentment is that you cannot be resentful and happy. There’s an old saying: “If your heart has room for one enemy, it is not a safe place for a friend.” You cannot hate and be happy. You cannot hate and love. You cannot hate and win. You cannot hate and be free. You cannot hate and be present. You cannot hate and have a future. The bottom line is . . .

You cannot carry resentment and peace of mind at the same time.

As long as you still value resentment, forgiveness will have no appeal. Forgiveness only has appeal for those who are interested in freedom, love, peace of mind, and joy.

— Robert Hold, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 185, 207-208

Love and Approval

Love 0

Of course love is never earned. It is a grace we give one another. Anything we need to earn is only approval.

Few perfectionists can tell the difference between love and approval. Perfectionism is so widespread in this culture that we actually have had to invent another word for love. “Unconditional love” we say. Yet, all love is unconditional. Anything else is just approval.

— Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, Kitchen Table Wisdom, p. 47

No Reason Needed

Children, Joy 0

Children are often happy without reason — it is part of their charm. Often you can catch a child laughing for the sheer joy of it, smiling for the sake of smiling, playing happily with happiness. It both amuses and saddens me to think that when a child laughs for no reason at all, we think it’s wonderful, but when an adult laughs for no reason at all, we immediately fear for his or her health. The point is. . .

who ever said happiness needs a reason? . . .

Maybe your greatest downfall is that you believe you have to understand happiness before you can be happy.

Can you accept happiness unconditionally, without even understanding it? If you can, then happiness is yours unconditionally. Happiness is never grasped; it is simply let loose. In truth, happiness needs no reason. A smile needs no reason. Love needs no reason. Kindness needs no reason. There are gifts for free — life’s true treasures. Can you cope with that?

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 139-140

Happiness Is Not Selfish.

Connection, Inspiration, Joy 0

Happiness is made to be shared.

The martyr ethic is built upon a number of erroneous and fearful beliefs about happiness, the major one being that happiness is selfish. Another great fear of happiness to the practicing martyr is that my happiness denies others their happiness. In other words, it appears to the martyr that there isn’t enough happiness to go around. Other fears of happiness for the martyr include: Happiness leads to conceit, my happiness has no value to others, and being happy is inconsiderate in a world where there is suffering.

The fear that happiness is selfish is not only untrue, it actually couldn’t be further from the truth. Psychology researchers find time and time again that it is the depressed people, and not the happy ones, who are intensely self-focused and self-absorbed. Happy people, by contrast, tend to be outgoing, sociable, generous, loving, and kind. They’re also more tolerant, forgiving, and less judgmental than people who are depressed….

In truth, your happiness is more than okay. Your happiness is also a great gift. It is a total inspiration, a wonderful example, and a great service to the world. Your happiness contributes so much more to the world than your suffering.

— Robert Holden, PhD, p. 114, 118

Value Joy.

Joy, Trials 0

The only value suffering has is that it points out that you’re running low on happiness. The function of suffering is, therefore, to remind you to choose happiness, choose love, choose healing, choose forgiveness, choose laughter, choose freedom. Thus, the most helpful response to suffering is to use suffering as a chance to hit the “re-set” button in your life, and commit once again to what is truly important.

To be happy, you must value joy more than pain. You want to remind yourself again and again that suffering cannot buy me happiness.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 113-114