When There Are Not Two Sides

Healing, Relationships, Truth 0

There are not two sides.  Abuse is not a conflict.  It is not a fight. . . .

When a child is molested or abused, there are not two sides.  Similarly, when an adult is verbally abused and threatened, there are not two sides.  One person is not attacking and the other counterattacking.  On the contrary, one is trying to understand and not upset the other, whose behavior is directed toward maintaining control and dominance with overt or covert attacks.

— Patricia Evans, Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out, p. 98

Unconditional Gratitude

Forgiveness, Gratitude 0

There may be a desire to keep another locked in a web of blame and guilt.  Unconditional gratitude given in these situations may at first feel as if we are letting people who we dislike “off the hook.”  I can assure you from my own experience that it is ourselves we are letting off the hook.  Gratitude, like its sister, forgiveness, frees the giver first of all.  Gratitude brings freedom to our self-imposed prison of hatred and revenge.  Perceived past wrongs are our prison bars.  Unconditional gratitude melts these bars away.  Hatred not only locks us in a tiny cell of self-pity, it keeps out those who are seeking to bring love into our life.  (Hatred includes everything from rage to a seemingly innocent desire to avoid someone.)  Our past, released with gratitude, frees our present to be as it could be.

Finally, the most marvelous gift that unconditional gratitude gives us is clarity and vision.  Giving unconditional gratitude, I begin to see that everything is here to bless me.  I really cannot explain how this happens.  It just does.  It makes no sense in terms of our worldly thought processes.  Only the actual act, in which you give gratitude unconditionally, brings the fantastic results of seeing clearly.  As I keep extending my gratitude to everyone in my past and my present, I start to see that all that surrounds me is actually in harmony.  I begin to see that what I judged as harmful and unfair was really a misinterpretation, a faulty judgment based on my perception, which is very limited in its scope.

— Lee Coit, in Gratitude: A Way of Life, by Louise L. Hay and Friends, p. 40-42

Not Ever Hopeless

God, Healing, Marriage 0

Most couples believe there is a point when the situation becomes hopeless.  But I am here to tell you it’s not true.  Jesus promised that seeking reconciliation will bear fruit, so there is great hope that a marriage can be restored to a place beyond what a couple could even imagine.

— Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs, I Do Again, p. 164

Anxiety Doesn’t Help.

Letting Go, Peace 0

Anxiety is often our first reaction to conflict, problems, or even our own fears.  In those moments, detaching and getting peaceful may seem disloyal or apathetic.  We think: If I really care, I’ll worry; if this is really important to me, I must stay upset.  We convince ourselves that outcomes will be positively affected by the amount of time we spend worrying.

Our best problem-solving resource is peace.  Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state.  Often, fear and anxiety block solutions.  Anxiety gives power to the problem, not the solution.  It does not help to harbor turmoil.  It does not help.

— Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, p. 65

Directed Energy

Gratitude, Inspiration, Life, Trust 0

Living in confident expectation means using your energy most efficiently; it’s the way to live life by design rather than by default.  Direct your energy!  Remember, it doesn’t matter how much you want something.  Wanting is self-perpetuating — if that’s where your energy is focused, you’ll just get more wanting.

— Victoria Castle, The Trance of Scarcity, p. 121

Influence

Connection, Core Value, Inspiration, Letting Go, Life 0

Think about the people who have most influenced you.  When I remember them I am always surprised to discover that these are people who did not try to influence me, who did not need my response.  Instead they radiated a certain inner freedom.  They made me aware that they were in touch with more than themselves.  They pointed to a reality greater than themselves from which and in whom their freedom grew.  This centeredness, this inner freedom, this spiritual independence had a mysterious contagiousness.

— Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning into Dancing, p. 75

Confident Expectation

Inspiration, Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

I encourage you to confidently expect, while not being attached to an outcome.  Expect it, but then let it go.  Yes, the money would be great, the job would be perfect, the relationship would be wonderful, but they in themselves are not what has value.  It’s what they provide that we are really interested in — the sense of security or freedom, the experience of happiness and belonging.  We can claim those states as our inner reality, with or without the associated tangibles.  It’s the essence behind the form that really matters to us.  And when we live in It Already Is, we are irresistible to the flow of abundance in the universe.

— Victoria Castle, The Trance of Scarcity, p. 120

A Mental Shift

Gratitude, Life, Peace 0

Gratitude is indeed like a gearshift that can move our mental mechanism from obsession to peacefulness, from stuckness to creativity, from fear to love.  The ability to relax and be mindfully present in the moment comes naturally when we are grateful.  One of the most delightful aspects of my Jewish heritage is the saying of Brachot, blessings or prayers of thanksgiving throughout the day.  These are praises of God for creating a world of infinite wonder and possibility.  There is a blessing upon seeing a star or a rainbow.  There is a blessing for the gifts of food, wine, and water.  There is even a blessing upon going to the bathroom for internal organs that function so well!

Joan Z. Borysenko, PhD, Gratitude: A Way of Life, by Louise L. Hay and Friends, p. 11

Finding Treasure

Compassion, Forgiveness, Healing, Joy, Life, Trials 0

Adopting the perspective of the Stargazer not only leads us toward our future best destinies but actually transmutes past unhappiness into treasure.  This is because, in emotional terms, everything is made from its opposite.  The raw material for joy is sorrow; the raw material for compassion is anger; the raw material for fearlessness is fear.  This means that the very people who hurt you worst may turn out to have enriched you most.  “Forgiveness” isn’t even an issue from the position of the Stargazer.  Why would anyone bother to “forgive” someone who’d made them rich?

— Martha Beck, Steering by Starlight, p. 76