Forgiveness Is About You.

Forgiveness, Healing 0

Forgiveness is not giving up your right to justice. In fact, you may need to seek restitution of some kind for the wrongs that have been done to you. You may even need to resort to legal recourse to get support or help in your healing.

Forgiveness does not remove or alter pain from the past. The hurt and sorrow of yesterday can’t be changed. Forgiveness can only make your present and future less painful.

And, perhaps most crucial of all, forgiveness in no way excuses the wrongdoer. When you’re ready to forgive, you do so for yourself. His inexcusable behavior stays inexcusable. Forgiveness isn’t about him. As I’ve mentioned, it’s only about, and for, you.

— Eve A. Wood, MD, The Gift of Betrayal, p. 61

You Don’t Deserve Happiness!

Joy, Letting Go, Life 0

Ask yourself now: “Do I deserve to be happy?” Be careful how you answer this question, however, for there’s a catch. If you answer no, then no matter what you do, you will not accept much happiness. If you answer yes, then you’re subscribing to the idea that happiness must be deserved and you will, therefore, have to fulfill all sorts of criteria (set by you) before you can be happy. Both no and yes are dishonest answers. The point is . . .

you do not deserve happiness!

This is not a message of gloom; it is a message of hope! One of the greatest single steps you can take to happiness now is to let go of the belief that happiness has to be deserved. You do not deserve happiness, you choose happiness. Happiness is natural. It is freely available to all. It is unconditional. And when you’re unconditional about happiness, then happiness merely happens! Happiness happens, if you let it.

The belief that happiness has to be deserved has no power, other than the power you give to it. The problem is, you’ve learned to give it a lot of power. This single thought not only reinforces your belief in guilt and unworthiness, but it also contributes to almost every other major fearful belief about happiness. It contributes, in particular, to the work ethic, the suffering ethic, and the martyr ethic — three ethics heavily endorsed by our society.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 100-101

Teaching Ourselves

Compassion, Connection, Forgiveness, Growth, Relationships 0

You cannot teach others that they’re guilty if you’re to be free of guilt yourself.

It’s important to understand that, on the level of consciousness, thoughts are never given away; they’re always shared. Therefore, if you teach others that they should be guilty, you’re simultaneously teaching yourself that you should be guilty, too. Also, when you judge someone as unworthy of happiness, you are in that very same instant telling yourself that you are also unworthy.

The reverse of this principle is that every time you affirm others’ goodness, their inner light, their original blessing, their innocence, you’re affirming these qualities for yourself.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 98

No Room for Blame

Compassion, Life 0

There’s no room for blame in your life as long as you live with kindness. And excuses, regardless of their form, are all about blame. Blaming your past. Blaming the economy. Blaming your perceived personal flaws. Blaming God. Blaming your parents. Blaming your children or your spouse. Blaming your DNA. There’s no shortage of circumstances, people, and events to blame — and there’s no shortage of blame itself.

When you shift to compassion, all blame disappears.

— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Excuses Begone! p. 134

Happiness and Guilt

Core Value, Joy 0

You enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.

Happiness is natural, easy, and effortless when your Self-acceptance is high, but happiness is blasphemous when your Self-acceptance is low. When you feel low, you dream of being happy, but you also secretly fear that maybe you’re not worthy of happiness, so you question, doubt, resist, test, defend against, overlook, and push away invitations to be happy….

You suffer as much pain as you believe you’re worthy of.

Self-acceptance (that is, Self-worth) is the key to both happiness and unhappiness. If you can accept yourself as whole, worthy, and well, then happiness is natural and acceptable to you. If, however, you judge yourself as “not good enough,” then you’re not good enough for happiness. Indeed, for as long as you judge that you’re “not good enough,” you must always throw happiness off for fear of guilt.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 92-93

You Are Enough.

Core Value, Marriage 0

Know now and hear me, loud and clear: You are not responsible for your partner’s choices and actions. You are fabulous, loving and enough. You definitely have things to learn about how you got to this point in your life and where you’re meant to go from here. And you will learn them! But you’re not to blame for this crisis in your world. You’re more than good enough! And there is nothing wrong with you!

— Eve A. Wood, MD, The Gift of Betrayal, p. 9

Time to Be Happy

Joy 0

It takes as much time to be happy as it does to be depressed or resentful.

Happiness requires no extra time. In fact, it requires no time at all. As I’ve already stated, happiness waits on welcome, not on time.

— Robert Holden, PhD, Happiness Now! p. 91

Fantasy

Books, Inspiration, Life 0

Fantasy instead teaches us that there is something worthwhile you can do on the way to the grave: you can dream. And that maybe that dreaming is not only intrinsically valuable, for its own sake, but that sometimes the dream can take on a life of its own, a life that persists, and that shapes and sometimes even ennobles the lives of others that it touches, sometimes long after the original dreamer is gone from this earth.

— Gardner Dozois, Preface, Modern Classics of Fantasy

Our Own Wholeness

Growth, Relationships 0

The right two people can be better together than alone, helping to keep each other sane, well-loved, and secure. Nevertheless, here’s where we’ve got it backward. A loving relationship can never make us whole. Rather, it allows us to better experience our own wholeness. Only from this perspective can we realize ourselves emotionally.

— Judith Orloff, MD, Emotional Freedom, p. 207