Good Enough

Healing, Letting Go, Life, Peace 0

I made a decision that day.  I was here, I was me, and I was enough in spite of my past, my present, my future, my weaknesses, my foibles, my mistakes, and my humanness.

We’re good, and we’re good enough.  Sometimes we make big mistakes; sometimes we make little mistakes.  But the mistake is what we do, not who we are.  We have a right to be, to be here, and be who we are.  If we’re not certain who we are, we have a right to make that exciting discovery.  And we don’t ever have to let shame tell us any differently.

–Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 111

God’s Gift

Forgiveness, God, Healing 0

We are the children of God, every one of us, and nearly nineteen hundred years ago He gave us the greatest of all the gifts He has, greater even than life.  He gave us hope:  a way back from every mistake we have made, no matter how small or how large, how ugly or how incredibly stupid, or how shameful.  There is no corner of hell secret enough or deep enough for there to be no path back, if we are willing to climb up.  It may be hard, and steep, but there is a light ahead, and freedom.

— Dominic Corde, in A Christmas Secret, by Anne Perry

Guilt and Shame

Core Value, Forgiveness, Healing 0

Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt.  Guilt is believing that what we did isn’t okay.  Authentic guilt is valuable.  It’s a signal that we’ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code.  It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track.  Shame is worthless.  Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn’t.  Guilt is resolvable.  We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior.  Shame isn’t resolvable.  It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what’s needed….

If we feel ashamed because we’ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior.  If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message.  If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.

— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 107-110

 

Nobler than Suffering

Healing, Inspiration, Life 0

Integrity and honesty are noble.  Suffering is not required.  In fact, when you suffer, it’s easy to forget about the rest of the world.  Personal suffering tends to obscure our vision beyond our own pain and to cut us off from community….

When people rewrite and heal their limiting belief about suffering, they begin to look outward, not inward.  There would be more focus in the world on helping others and being of service rather than on one’s own wounds or suffering.  People’s attention would not be on keeping a good reputation (as one who suffers and is therefore noble), but connecting with the person next door who could use some assistance.

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 208

Up to You

Healing, Life 0

Just like the level of resentment you carry, the amount of suffering you endure is entirely up to you.  Change your limiting beliefs about suffering and the subtle ways you cause yourself to suffer, and I guarantee at least 50 percent of your suffering will disappear.  (And how many martyrs does it take to change that lightbulb?  Absolutely none, because they all just sit in the dark — by their own choice — and quietly suffer.)

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 207

Apology Energy

Healing 0

Apology energy will not only drain you, it will teach others that you are open to criticism and judgment.  Apology energy will reinforce that you don’t deserve to be happy, wealthy, healthy, or successful but that you have to earn your way to make it acceptable to others….

You can eliminate apology energy by rewriting limiting beliefs that create conflict because you are happy, successful, or have ease in life….

To eliminate victim energy, be honest about the need to blame others for your lot in life because it’s easier than making different choices; this honesty will start you on the road to reclaiming your power….

Please avoid, at all costs, the tragedy of your apology energy colliding with victim energy.  Your apology will simply justify a victim’s belief that life isn’t fair, and the person’s powerlessness will intensify your need to apologize….

— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 204-206

Perspective

Forgiveness, Guidance, Healing, Trials 0

Remember to ask Jesus to stand between you and your spouse, and to say only things you would say to Jesus and to listen to everything through the heart of Jesus.  When I have felt discouraged, thinking all this was unfair, I often hear Jesus from the cross saying, “And me, what have I done to deserve this?”  Bear your cross with humility, patience, and confidence in the Lord.

— testimonial in Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp, p. 71

The Myth of the Problem-free Life

Compassion, Healing, Joy, Life, Trials 0

We learned an important lesson in our decade-long friendships.  We learned that we had been fooled.  We had convinced ourselves that if we could manage our schedules, break through the glass ceiling, spend quality time with our families, bring home the bacon (and fry it up in a pan) while bouncing children on our hips and creating warm and loving relationships with our husbands, in-laws, and colleagues, somehow, some way, we would be rewarded with the problem-free lives that had, up until then, eluded us.  We were wrong….

We learned that the problem-free life we sought was more than an illusion.  It had become a myth to which too many women had fallen victim.  A woman’s life is much more than success, having it all, or the elusive balance we all seek.  It is more than seeking perfection or conquering the world (although you might).  It is more than gritting your teeth and making it through.  It is about surviving and thriving.

For us, surviving and thriving meant reinventing, rebuilding, and realizing that success was never final and failure was never fatal.  It meant putting our best foot forward (Nike for some, Nine West for others) no matter what, and walking.  Walking forward looking like a pillar of success on the outside while that tiny voice inside reminded us that our teenagers were out of control, our job could end tomorrow, and our spouses, colleagues, and bosses had been untruthful, selfish, unfaithful, or just plain stupid.

Surviving and thriving meant taking what life offered up and looking for the opportunities, the joy, and the compassion in less-than-pleasant or less-than-perfect circumstances.

–Deborah Collins Stephens, Jackie Speier, Michealene Cristini Risley, and Jan Yanehiro, This Is Not the Life I Ordered, p. 18-19

When You Fail

Healing, Inspiration, Life 0

When you fail (which you will), that doesn’t mean that you are a failure.  It simply means that you don’t do everything right.  We all have to accept the fact that along with strengths we also have weaknesses.  Just let Christ be strong in your weaknesses; let Him be your strength on your weak days.

— Joyce Meier, Battlefield of the Mind, p. 36