Each of us has a profound ripple effect on those around us. When you are happy, you raise the vibration around you. When you are resentful, you can drag down an entire party. How do you want to influence those around you?
Your vibration is energetically broadcast to those around you — and to your children. If you don’t want to get unstuck for yourself, do it for them.
— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 251
When we get hurt, no matter how serious the offense or how deep the wound, God has grace available to help us deal with the offense and forgive the offender. At that point, we have one of two choices: We can acknowledge our need and humbly reach out to Him for His grace to forgive and release the offender. Or we can resist Him, fail to receive His grace, and hold on to the hurt.
— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 75
When we as God’s children realize that His grace is sufficient for every situation, that by the power of His indwelling Spirit we have the ability to respond with grace and forgiveness to those who have sinned against us — at that point we are no longer victims. We are free to rise above whatever may have been done to us, to grow through it, and to become instruments of grace, reconciliation, and redemption in the lives of other hurting people and even in the lives of our offenders.
Yes, we can be free — if we choose to be.
— Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Choosing Forgiveness, p. 42
Whenever you forget to nurture and care for yourself because it feels selfish, your level of resentment will rise….
You must take personal responsibility for your level of self-care — that means not blaming others because you are stuck cleaning the garage while your husband is off playing golf. Why are you not doing what you want to be doing?…
Remember to look for the subtle ways you forget to honor yourself. If you come last in your life, your level of resentment will be high.
— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 234-235
Don’t attempt to justify whatever hurt you did, for that will serve to keep open your wounds. Don’t say, “I only hurt you because you hurt me.” Healing requires acceptance of the fact that You don’t have to hurt back, indeed that hurting back only hurts you more.
— Steven Stosny, You Don’t Have to Take It Anymore, p. 248
To err is human, to forgive is a choice.
The third reason people have difficulty changing a tribal belief is one of the saddest but most firmly held beliefs I have encountered:Â Mistakes, transgressions, or sins are not forgivable.…
The worst part about this tribal belief is that because you think you can never be forgiven, you sever your relationship with God or your Higher Power and cut yourself off from receiving divine guidance and recognizing synchronicity at work in your life.
— Christel Nani, Sacred Choices, p. 228
I made a decision that day. I was here, I was me, and I was enough in spite of my past, my present, my future, my weaknesses, my foibles, my mistakes, and my humanness.
We’re good, and we’re good enough. Sometimes we make big mistakes; sometimes we make little mistakes. But the mistake is what we do, not who we are. We have a right to be, to be here, and be who we are. If we’re not certain who we are, we have a right to make that exciting discovery. And we don’t ever have to let shame tell us any differently.
–Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 111
The answer is not to ignore or deny my emotions. In fact, I must become more aware of them — but in a different way. Now I use awareness to take out the garbage.
— Hugh Prather, Spiritual Notes to Myself
We are the children of God, every one of us, and nearly nineteen hundred years ago He gave us the greatest of all the gifts He has, greater even than life. He gave us hope: a way back from every mistake we have made, no matter how small or how large, how ugly or how incredibly stupid, or how shameful. There is no corner of hell secret enough or deep enough for there to be no path back, if we are willing to climb up. It may be hard, and steep, but there is a light ahead, and freedom.
— Dominic Corde, in A Christmas Secret, by Anne Perry
Learn to recognize the difference between shame and guilt. Guilt is believing that what we did isn’t okay. Authentic guilt is valuable. It’s a signal that we’ve violated our own, or a universal, moral code. It keeps us honest, healthy, and on track. Shame is worthless. Shame is the belief that whether what we did is okay or not, who we are isn’t. Guilt is resolvable. We make amends for what we did, learn from our mistake, and attempt to correct our behavior. Shame isn’t resolvable. It leaves us with a sense that all we can do is apologize for our existence, and even that falls short of what’s needed….
If we feel ashamed because we’ve done something we feel guilty about, we convert shame to guilt, then make any appropriate amends and change our behavior. If we decide shame is trying to enforce an unhealthy, inappropriate message on us, we change the message. If we feel ashamed about something we cannot or need not change, we surrender to the situation and give ourselves a big hug.
— Melody Beattie, Beyond Codependency, p. 107-110
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