Review of Captivating, by John & Stasi Eldredge

Christian, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Starred Review 0

Captivating

Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul

by John and Stasi Eldredge

Nelson Books, 2005. 234 pages.
Starred Review.

Here’s another book I’ve been meaning to review for a very long time. I’m so thankful to my sister Marcy for giving it to me. I reread it again in 2009 in order to enjoy it again and to review it fresh in my mind. I think it blessed me even more the second time around.

Take it from me, this is a wonderful book to speak healing to a rejected and abandoned wife. And I suspect that any woman would be deeply blessed by these words. The basic message is that God has created you captivating and beautiful.

I’m usually leery of books that fit men and women into stereotypes. I think this book escapes that. Here’s what the authors say in the introduction:

“So — is a true woman Cinderella or Joan of Arc? Mary Magdalene or Oprah? How do we recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. We share something deep and true, down in our hearts. So we venture into this exploration of femininity by way of the heart. What is at the core of a woman’s heart? What are her desires? What did we long for as little girls? What do we still long for as women? And, how does a woman begin to be healed from the wounds and tragedies of her life?

“Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating.”

The book talks about how God made us beautiful, but we get wounded and believe lies about ourselves. But God romances us Himself. Here’s a section I like:

“We have all heard it said that a woman is most beautiful when she is in love. It’s true. You’ve seen it yourself. When a woman knows that she is loved and loved deeply, she glows from the inside. This radiance stems from a heart that has had its deepest questions answered. “Am I lovely? Am I worth fighting for? Have I been and will I continue to be romanced?” When these questions are answered, Yes, a restful, quiet spirit settles in a woman’s heart.

“And every woman can have these questions answered, Yes. You have been and you will continue to be romanced all your life. Yes. Our God finds you lovely. Jesus has moved heaven and earth to win you for himself. He will not rest until you are completely his. The King is enthralled by your beauty. He finds you captivating.”

There is also a theme in this book of how God made you the particular woman You are, and that is beautiful. Here’s a lovely paragraph in the final chapter:

“Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you. He will lead you first into himself; and then, with him, he will lead you into the world that he loves and needs you to love.”

Buy from Amazon.com

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Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of Until They Are Found, by Peter Gray

Christian, Nonfiction Review, Starred Review 0

Until They Are Found

The Story of a Relentless Shepherd and His Rogue Sheep

by Peter Gray, B. Th.

UWCM Press, Adelaide, Australia, 2005. 72 pages.
Starred Review.

Here’s another book which I’ve been meaning to review for a very long time. The author sent me the book himself after he read some of my reviews of George MacDonald’s books and others where I admit that I have come to believe that God will eventually save everyone. I agreed to review the book, but that was in the middle of my life upheaval, when I simply wasn’t getting very many books reviewed. I did reread the book in 2009, and thoroughly enjoyed it both times.

Until They Are Found is a short book, almost just a pamphlet, but it concisely and persuasively looks at the three “lost” parables in Luke 15 to make the case that God will keep on searching for sinners until they are found.

The parables are the Lost Sheep, the Lost Coin, and the Lost Son (more commonly referred to as the Prodigal Son). The context suggests that these parables should be considered together, that they are demonstrating the same thing.

In both the first two parables, the searcher searches until they find what was lost. Peter Gray puts it this way:

“What may we say was the reason for the lost sheep becoming found? Was the sheep saved by the doing of good works? Was the sheep saved by the following of law or commandment? was the sheep saved because it recognised its own state of ‘lost-ness,’ and went searching for its shepherd? Heaven forbid! The lost sheep was found for one reason and one reason alone. The lost sheep was found because the Good Shepherd came looking. The shepherd commenced a search and rescue operation that would never finish, until his sheep was found.

“His is a personal search, a persevering search, a successful search. He will search until they are found. The lost sheep contributed nothing to its being found.”

Peter Gray goes on to show how, taken together, Luke 15 definitely suggests that God will save everyone. I like his conclusion. He’s not dogmatic, but suggests that you take a good look for yourself:

“Universalism, the belief that all people will eventually be saved, is a theme inherent in this book. I, like many famous and well respected theologians of the past, hold to at least the possibility of universalism. In this book, I have attempted to let the text of Luke 15 speak for itself. The real possibility of universalism is what it said when I let it speak. Many Christians hold as one of their fundamental beliefs that not all will be saved. Because of that belief, the text of Luke 15 is read and not seen for what it is. I wrote in the preface that this book might leave you with unanswered questions. Universalism is the question I had in mind when I wrote that. It is a question that we should embrace instead of running away from.

“Is the New Testament more universal than the Christianity we have inherited would have us believe? Does the New Testament, even though it teaches the possibility of experiencing hell, also teach the possibility that God’s desire for all to be saved will actually happen? I believe so, but you must make your own decision.

“Happy wrestling!”

I wasn’t able to find this book on Amazon, but the author has a blog with contact information, including a new book available. Here is his blog, called The Saviour of the World. Here is a link for ordering a copy of Until They Are Found, with the first chapter available to read.

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/until_they_are_found.html

Review of The Mother’s Book of Well-Being, by Lisa Groen Braner

Nonfiction Review, Parenting, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Mother’s Book of Well-Being

Caring for Yourself So You Can Care for Your Baby

by Lisa Groen Braner

Conari Press, 2003. 181 pages.
Starred Review.
2008 Sonderbooks Stand-out, #7 Nonfiction Personal Growth

Here’s another book I’ve been meaning to review for a very long time. The author was one of our nicest customers at the library on Sembach Air Base in Germany. Again, the time when I moved was a time of upheaval for me, and I got way behind on book reviews. On top of that, this is a book to be read slowly and savored, which I did.

I did give the book to a book-lover friend who was a new mother. She said it brought tears to her eyes and was the best present she got!

The Mother’s Book of Well-Being consists of 52 meditations for each week of your new baby’s life. Each one is only a few pages long, so you ought to be able to get that much reading time in a week! These meditations are not about the baby’s growth, but about your own growth as a woman and as a mother.

In the Prologue, the author says, “That’s where this book picks up — at the point when you can’t possibly go one more moment without sleep, without a shower, without a smidgen of the life you once lived. This is a time of celebration, and also one of healing and learning. When you gave birth to your baby, you also gave birth to yourself as a mother. You’re responsible for another soul and, unexpectedly, newly responsible for yourself.

“The passage from woman to mother is complex. It causes us to reexamine who we are and who we want to be for our children. The ‘guard’ of generations has changed. Becoming a mother suddenly places you in the seat of true adulthood. My feet dangle from that chair often. I hasten to touch the ground and sit up straight in my newfound responsibility. Motherhood is a role in which it takes time to become comfortable and confident. The changes are great and the expectations high. We live in a culture that reveres and elevates motherhood to a superhuman stature. So often we come to the role with perceptions of how it will be, and realize how unprepared we really are. All of the plans you made for yourself and your baby before you gave birth may be hard to take during this time of recovery. This may be the first time you’ve ever been ‘called’ to devote yourself to a job so unconditionally. Some moments will find you strong and tireless, and others will find you exhausted and unsure.

“Be gentle with yourself. You are not alone.”

The weekly chapters have gentle meditations that remind you to look after yourself. Sometimes, they refer to your baby’s growth, as in this passage from Week 30:

“Too often, we miss the sanctity of the present. The present usually arrives peacefully, offering itself as a refuge over and over again while we sit muddled in our minds. We might believe that our thoughts are productive or even interesting, but we’re really ignoring the gift of the day before us.

“This is where our children can teach us. Babies absorb the world around them, touching, tasting, and seeing. They delight in their senses, enjoying the unexpected swoop of a robin or the warmth of the sun emerging from a cloud. Let’s suspend our thinking for a change, return to the simple and original mind with which we were born. Let’s immerse ourselves in the river of the senses — to drift, swim, and float in the day.”

In Week 3, she encourages mothers to find some time to ourselves, somehow.

“Babies tune our hearing outward. We distinguish between cries of hunger and cries of fatigue. We listen for them while we’re awake and asleep. Having a baby pulls us outside of ourselves by necessity. But let’s not forget to keep an ear open to the cry of our inner voice too. Finding thime for solitude encourages us to listen to ourselves. In those quiet moments alone, ask yourself what you need to feel nourished. Honor the answers that come. As mothers, we meet our children’s needs a hundred times a day. Let us remember to ask ourselves what we need to feel nurtured at least once a day.”

My favorite chapter is Week 21, “Literary Escape.”

“Do you ever feel housebound? The weather might be whipping outside, or your baby might be sick with a cold. Whatever the condition, the walls of one’s home can become confining at times. Rather than slink through the day, engage your fingertips and mind by opening a book. There must be at least one book on your shelf that has not yet been read. Perhaps there is even an old favorite that begs to be reread.

“I escape often to Italy, France, and Spain, walking the landscapes of each and taking mental notes along the way. I must remember to return to Tuscany when the olives are harvested for oil. I love Provence when the lavender is lush upon the hills. I’d like to drive winding roads again in Andalucia, amidst lemon trees bending ripe with fruit. Mental travelers need not pack diapers, snacks, or car seats. You’re free to travel alone, which is even lighter….

“It’s refreshing to roam the world — plunging into different countries, meeting new people and tasting their cuisine. If walking another step in your home leaves you less than inspired, sashay into a well-told story. The charms of being at home return after sampling new horizons. Books are an open invitation to another place and time. A baby will usually allow you to sneak a few pages throughout the day. Good books lead us to discover that it is not our house that binds us, but rather the dullness of our thoughts. Reading refreshes the mind and the imagination.”

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/mothers_book_of_well_being.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of Sacred Choices, by Christel Nani

Health, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

Sacred Choices

Thinking Outside the Tribe to Heal Your Spirit

by Christel Nani

Harmony Books, New York, 2006. 313 pages.
Starred Review.
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2008, #1 Nonfiction Personal Growth

I’ve been meaning to review this book for a very long time. I first read it in 2007, some time when my life was in upheaval, with the move to Virginia from Germany and taking online classes to get my MLIS degree. I wasn’t getting many books reviewed at that time.

But this is a life-changing and life-affirming book. I reread it in 2009 in order to get that good advice again and also to review it. Since it is my own copy, not a library book with a due date, I still didn’t get around to reviewing it. So here goes! This may not be as long a review as this book deserves, but I do want to bring it to people’s attention.

You can get a taste of the wisdom in this book by reading the many passages from it that I posted on my Sonderquotes blog.

The core concept behind Christel Nani’s teachings in Sacred Choices is that we all have tribal beliefs we aren’t even aware of. They are beliefs, but we think they are the facts of life, the way the world works. They have been handed down to us from our tribe.

Christel says, “Your ancestors taught you how to work, how to grieve, and why bad things happen. You have taken for granted that in their desire to protect you, they prepared you adequately for life by teaching you the way of the tribe — what they valued and what they believed to be true. These tribal beliefs are the inherited ideas about the way life works, passed down to you from anyone who had power or authority over you as a child — pretty much anyone who was taller than you were. Some of these beliefs cause you to make choices that make your life harder than it needs to be, creating conflicts and inner turmoil often marked by repetitive themes and patterns.”

Sometimes these beliefs are good for us, but often they are not.

“At first, you aren’t even aware that you are making choices at all. You are simply following the tribal way, even when you believe you are thinking for yourself and doing what is best for you. Consider the student who pursues a college degree in an area that offers a safe career path but does not excite her, or the man who gets married despite his doubts because everyone tells him how lucky he is to have found someone so nice. Or perhaps you are justifying staying in a career you no longer enjoy because the pay is good, or a draining relationship because you’ve been together for a long time. These are all examples of lives driven by limiting beliefs, not the heart’s desire. Unfortunately and paradoxically, some tribal rules are contrary to your authentic nature and needs. Even a life that looks successful on the outside can leave you wondering if this is as good as it gets, because you recognize on a deep level that something is missing. And it is.

“What’s missing is a deep satisfaction with your life, alignment with your soul, happiness that wells up and overflows, peace of mind, and a general sense of well-being. One reason you are left wanting is that tribal beliefs can make you think you want things that you really don’t, and when you get them you wonder why you aren’t wowed by them. This is but one symptom of a person at odds with his spirit and not living an authentic life. And a life without authenticity quickly becomes a life without passion.”

In this book, Christel Nani shows you how to uncover your tribal beliefs so you can examine whether they are good for you or not. She doesn’t ask you to throw them out willy-nilly. But isn’t it worth looking at the beliefs you live by? She also helps you rewrite limiting beliefs into beliefs that will serve you better.

Christel says, “I wrote this book to help you learn to listen to your spirit. The purpose of Sacred Choices is to explore your tribal beliefs and determine if they are good for you — to decide whether they raise or lower your vibration. Some tribal beliefs cause you distress and can lower your overall energy and even cause illness. The idea is to be aware of your unconscious choices — to become more conscious and thereby have a greater role in living your life the way you want it to be — not how you were taught, or how you believe it’s supposed to be.”

When I have been able to apply these concepts to my life, I am very happy with the results. Christel’s promises are lavish, but not unwarranted:

“I want you to be wildly happy, incredibly successful, and filled with passion and spontaneity. Listening to your spirit will accomplish all of it. And when your vibrations are good, you are sending out the best possible energy to the rest of the world. The fact is, your good vibrations are healing to others.”

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/sacred_choices.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of Choosing Brilliant Health, by Rick Foster & Greg Hicks

Health, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Starred Review 0

Choosing Brilliant Health

9 Choices That Redefine What It Takes to Create Lifelong Vitality and Well-Being

by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks
with Jen Seda, MD

A Perigee Book (Penguin), 2008. 258 pages.
Starred Review.

I was so impressed by the authors’ earlier book, How We Choose to Be Happy, I ordered this one from Amazon rather than waiting for the library to purchase it.

Like the book on happiness, the authors interview healthy individuals and show nine choices those people have made that led to their good health. They also tie this information in with medical studies that show the physical benefits of these concepts. The book is full of these healthy people’s stories, illustrating the choices that lead to health.

And the choices that lead to happiness are the same ones that lead to health. The chapter headings in Part Two give you the idea:

1. Intention: Change the pathways of your brain with your thoughts.

2. Accountability: Take control of your health by triumphing over the “Victim Brain.”

3. Identification: Envision your joys and passions and tell vibrant stories about them.

4. Centrality: Do the things you love to alter your biochemistry.

5. Recasting: Convert the sadness, fear, anger, and despair of trauma and illness into meaning, opportunity, and action.

6. Options: Create hope and resilience by uncovering hidden possibilities.

7. Appreciation: Value your life and your body, and express appreciation to others.

8. Giving: Build a thriving Marketplace of Giving.

9. Truth: Tell the truth to your body, yourself, and others.

The authors say of these ideas:

“Brilliant Health doesn’t promise a disease-free, pain-free, un-aging life. Let’s face it; sooner or later health and age-related issues will visit all of us. But whether we’re in mint physical condition or facing a disability or a significant, even terminal health issue, Brilliant Health brings us the highest possible emotional and physical quality of life.”

With a promise like that, these ideas are definitely worth listening to.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/choosing_brilliant_health.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of I Do Again, by Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs

Biography, Christian, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Relationships, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

I Do Again

How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage — and You Can Too

by Cheryl & Jeff Scruggs

Waterbrook Press, 2008. 193 pages.
Starred Review

This book tells the story of a marriage that seemed hopelessly broken. Cheryl had an affair and divorced Jeff. But by a miracle of God, their marriage was restored seven years later, better than ever before.

The authors put it this way:

“This book is about the end of a marriage — about betrayal, disappointment, anger, and wrestling with God. But it’s also about how we found a new definition of happily ever after.”

The book is intended as a message of hope, that God can do amazing things, and heal seemingly impossible breaches.

The authors now counsel married couples having difficulties, and I found their words encouraging. They say,

“We want people to be healed, and we want marriages to be healed. That’s what we pray for all the time. But we don’t know God’s plans for every couple. Our experience has taught us that God can redeem anything, so we never give up on anyone. But regardless of which direction they go, we let them know that we love them and support them and that God loves them no matter what. If you are in this circumstance, we’d advise you to keep yourself and your children safe, diligently seek the Lord through prayer and Scripture study, obtain godly counsel, and do your best to follow God’s leading based on your understanding of him. Never forget that God loves you and he will never withhold his love even if you make a mistake.”

It’s so nice to hear this kind of story, for a change.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/i_do_again.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Language of Letting Go

by Melody Beattie

Hazelden, 1990. 393 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #6 Other Nonfiction

The Language of Letting Go is a collection of 365 daily meditations about letting go and giving up codependency. There’s all kinds of wisdom and good thoughts here. You can tell how powerfully it spoke to me because selections from it appear over and over again on my Sonderquotes blog.

I bought this book in May 2008. I started on the date when I bought it and read through the whole year, then started at the beginning and finished out 2009. Now that I’m in 2010, I’ve bought two other books of meditations by Melody Beattie, More Language of Letting Go and Journey of the Heart. So I decided to give this book a rest, but I hope that shows how much I liked it, how often I’d find just the bit of wisdom I needed for that particular day.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/language_of_letting_go.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of The Sacred Romance, by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge

Christian, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Sacred Romance

Drawing Closer to the Heart of God

by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge

Thomas Nelson Publishers, Nashville, 1997. 229 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #3 Other Nonfiction

This powerful book explains life as a Sacred Romance. From the first chapter:

“The inner life, the story of our heart, is the life of the deep places within us, our passions and dreams, our fears and our deepest wounds. It is the unseen life, the mystery within — what Buechner calls our “shimmering self.” It cannot be managed like a corporation. The heart does not respond to principles and programs; it seeks not efficiency, but passion. Art, poetry, beauty, mystery, ecstasy: These are what rouse the heart. Indeed, they are the language that must be spoken if one wishes to communicate with the heart. It is why Jesus so often taught and related to people by telling stories and asking questions. His desire was not just to engage their intellects but to capture their hearts.

“Indeed, if we will listen, a Sacred Romance calls to us through our heart every moment of our lives. It whispers to us on the wind, invites us through the laughter of good friends, reaches out to us through the touch of someone we love. We’ve heard it in our favorite music, sensed it at the birth of our first child, been drawn to it while watching the shimmer of a sunset on the ocean. The Romance is even present in times of great personal suffering: the illness of a child, the loss of a marriage, the death of a friend. Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure.

“This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for meaning, for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. However we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God.”

The authors present life as a grand Story:

“Life is not a list of propositions, it is a series of dramatic scenes. As Eugene Peterson said, “We live in narrative, we live in story. Existence has a story shape to it. We have a beginning and an end, we have a plot, we have characters.” Story is the language of the heart. Our souls speak not in the naked facts of mathematics or the abstract propositions of systematic theology; they speak the images and emotions of story. Contrast your enthusiasm for studying a textbook with the offer to go to a movie, read a novel, or listen to the stories of someone else’s life. Elie Wiesel suggests that ‘God created man because he loves stories.’ So if we’re going to find the answer to the riddle of the earth — and of our own existence — we’ll find it in story.”

But the authors also talk about “Arrows” that pierce our hearts and tell us that life is meaningless, that there is no Romance.

“This is the story of all our lives, in one way or another. The haunting of the Romance and the Message of the Arrows are so radically different and they seem so mutually exclusive they split our hearts in two. In every way that the Romance is full of beauty and wonder, the Arrows are equally powerful in their ugliness and devastation. The Romance seems to promise a life of wholeness through a deep connection with the great heart behind the universe. The Arrows deny it, telling us, ‘You are on your own. There is no Romance, no one strong and kind who is calling you to an exotic adventure.’ The Romance says, ‘This world is a benevolent place.’ The Arrows mock such naivete, warning us, ‘Just watch yourself — disaster is a moment away.’ The Romance invites us to trust. The Arrows intimidate us into self-reliance.”

This book is about the adventure of living out the Romance. It encourages you to think about your higher calling, to listen to your heart. It reminds you that your life does have meaning.

I like this sentence, which puts perspective on hard times:

“God is so confident in the good that he is willing to allow our adversary latitude in carrying out his evil intentions for the purpose of deepening our communion with himself.”

The overarching message of the book is this:

“We are the sons and daughters of God, even more, the Beloved, pursued by God himself.”

What an amazing calling!

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/sacred_romance.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow, by Karen Casey

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow

12 Simple Principles

by Karen Casey

Conari Press, 2005. 149 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #2 Other Nonfiction

This is a simple book about living a more peaceful and loving life. I found the thoughts presented to be profound, as you can tell by the twenty-two times I chose selections from this book for Sonderquotes.

The 12 simple principles make up the first twelve chapters, with a summary chapter at the end. Here are the principles as they are listed in the chapter titles:

1. Tend your own garden.
2. Stop focusing on problems so their solutions can emerge.
3. Let go of outcomes.
4. Change your mind.
5. Choose to act rather than react.
6. Give up your judgments.
7. Remember that you are not in control.
8. Discover your own lessons.
9. Do no harm.
10. Quiet your mind.
11. Every encounter is a holy encounter — respond accordingly.
12. There are two voices in your mind — one is always wrong.

I told you they were simple! You’ve probably heard most of these ideas before, but she helps you see how you can actually do these things, and convinces you how much it will help.

Here’s a passage I enjoyed from “Tend Your Own Garden”:

“Let’s celebrate the fact that we are in charge of no one but ourselves. It relieves us of a heavy burden, and a thankless job, one that never blesses us. Taking control of every thought we have and every action we take, and being willing to relinquish the past while savoring the present, will assuredly keep us as busy as we need to be. Doing these things, and only these things is why we are here. It’s only when we live our own lives and manage our own affairs, freeing others to do the same, that we will find the peace we seek and so deserve.”

She gives similar advice in the chapter “Choose to Act Rather Than React”:

“Minding other people’s business simply isn’t the work we are here to do, regardless of how seductive the idea may be. We each must make our own journey, and even when it appears that someone we love is making a poor decision about an important matter, unless we are asked for advice, it’s not our place to offer it. Besides, minding your own business will keep you as busy as you would ever need to be.”

In the chapter “Give Up Your Judgments,” she says:

“When I embrace the practice of unconditional love — seldom an easy exercise, I might add — I am able to see how similar I am to those around me, and my habit of judgment lessens. Please note the word ‘habit.’ Judgment does become a habit, and so can unconditional love, though it is more difficult to perfect. A tool that has worked for me (when I remember to use it) is to express a statement of unconditional love out loud every time a judgmental thought crosses my mind. Try it next time you find yourself gripped by judgment. As soon as you catch it, state your unconditional love. It works.”

Another theme of focusing on yourself, not others comes in “Remember That You Are Not In Control”:

“What we discover when we give up trying to control everybody and everything is that we suddenly have the time and opportunity to learn and change and grow within ourselves, so that we can progress to the next level of spiritual awareness that awaits us.

“A surprise benefit, too, is that by letting go, moving on, and living our own lives peacefully and with intention, we often inspire others to change in the very ways we want them to change. Ironic, isn’t it?”

From “Every Encounter Is a Holy Encounter,” we find this wise advice:

“We can never know who we really are unless we have others to interact with. Perhaps most difficult to understand, in all this, is that the people with whom we have the most difficult relationships are the ones from whom we learn the most. It is in these more fraught interactions that our minds are healed the most.

“That’s why it’s so important to choose to be grateful for every relationship. We simply cannot know what God has intended for each of them to mean in our lives. We can only be sure that they are present to help us heal.”

In the final chapter, she gives us encouragement to go out there and begin:

“How we acquire better lives is not very mysterious. It comes back to making better choices, beginning with the most important choice of all: Whom will we listen to, the aggressive boss ego or the quiet, wise voice that’s always there to guide us to a higher place? You don’t have to make huge changes all at once. I wouldn’t even suggest trying. Just commit, one day at a time, to changing your mind, and you will begin to experience that peaceful life you deserve. The power of one mind changing cannot be overstated. Are you willing to be an example?”

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/change_your_mind.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Review of The Trance of Scarcity, by Victoria Castle

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Trance of Scarcity

Stop Holding Your Breath and Start Living Your Life

by Victoria Castle

Berrett-Koehler Publishers, San Francisco, 2007. 205 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #1 Other Nonfiction

I think that I ordered this book from isabellacatalog.com. And found it so wonderful, I kept quoting it on my Sonderquotes blog. This is a book about living life to the fullest.

In her introduction, Victoria Castle says,
“In working with thousands of people, I have repeatedly encountered the tragic theme of I am not enough — not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, young enough, old enough, worthy enough. Almost as prevalent is the theme of There is not enough — not enough time, money, opportunity, love, cooperation, power, you name it. This prevailing premise of not-enough-ness successfully cripples the lives of people who would otherwise be buoyant and passionate. Since its subjects are so readily yet unwittingly loyal to it, I came to call this blight the Trance of Scarcity.”

In this book, the author presents joyous ways of escaping the trance of scarcity. I found many of her ideas resonated with things I’d been reading in other places.

One such idea is that our experience of life depends on the story we tell ourselves about it. I liked this paragraph:

“Regarding our Stories, the question is never “Is it true?” because it can’t be true; it’s just a Story. The question also isn’t “Is it the right Story?” because that implies there’s only one correct choice. The most helpful question is “Is this Story useful?” Given what I care about, what I want to contribute, and what matters to me, is the story I’m telling myself a useful one? Most of us constantly replay hundreds of inherited default Stories that trample our life energy and steal our peace of mind.”

If you tell yourself a story of abundance instead of a story of scarcity, you will enjoy life more. And the author has ideas for helping you make the change.

Another beautiful concept is how learning to receive with gratitude leads to generosity and giving, which leads to more receiving with gratitude. This book is full of the idea of living life lavishly and overflowing with joy to others. Here’s another passage I liked:

“If we are not practiced in saying yes to life, then we can forget about bliss — we just want relief! Relief from our hectic lives, from our negative self-talk, from our perpetual fatigue. I used to think that I just had the thermostat set too low, at Relief, and that with a little more practice, I would easily move on up to Bliss. Instead, it turns out that the road to bliss and the road to relief head in completely different directions.

“Relief isn’t much; it’s only an interruption of discomfort. It leads to a nice rest stop with a turnaround that plops you right back on the same road. Bliss, however, is the superhighway to the juiciness of life. As my musician friends Bev Daugherty and Garnett Hundley sing, “Live flat out, eat it all up with a spoon!” Having a high bliss tolerance means you’re willing to be pleased by life. And the better it gets, the more you can stand. In this scenario, you anticipate benevolence and are expanded by your experience. When you are consistently grateful, it’s impossible to feel like a victim; you know that no matter how well it may be disguised, you can find the blessing in whatever’s going on.”

I didn’t review this book right after I finished reading it, because it was not a library book that needed to be checked back in, but my own copy. Doing this review has reminded me how inspiring it was. I think it’s time to slowly reread it, to remind me that my impending probable job loss by no means needs to be a tragedy, but can be an exciting opportunity. It’s all in the story I tell myself, right?

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/trance_of_scarcity.html

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