Review of In the Ever After, by Allan B. Chinen

Folk Tales, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth 0

in_the_ever_after.jpg

In the Ever After

Fairy Tales and the Second Half of Life

by Allan B. Chinen

Chiron Publications, Wilmette, Illinois, 1994.  203 pages.

I love Allan Chinen’s collections of fairy tales.  This volume deals with tales from all over the world that involve “elders” rather than the youthful protagonist going off to seek his fortune.

After presenting each fairy tale, he speaks as a psychiatrist about the insights the fairy tale gives us and the light it sheds on living the second half of life.

Fairy tales are full of wisdom.  Allan Chinen helps you see how that wisdom can apply to your life.  This is perfect for people like me who love symbols and images.  It’s fascinating how the same concepts come up in fairy tales from completely different parts of the world.

“In most familiar fairy tales, the Prince and Princess battle against terrible enemies and survive overwhelming ordeals.  Then they meet each other, marry, and live happily ever after.  And surely true love and finding one’s own kingdom represent symbolic goals for all individuals.  But much more remains of life in the “ever after,” and perhaps the most important:  restoring innocence and wonder to a world that has forgotten them.  That is the ultimate promise of elder tales, and their challenge — infusing the magic of myth and childhood into real life.”

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/in_the_ever_after.html

Review of The Prodigal’s Perspective, by Robert E. Steinkamp

Christian, Nonfiction Review, Relationships 0

The Prodigal’s Perspective

by Robert E. Steinkamp

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, 2006. 263 pages.

www.rejoiceministries.org

Of all the books from Rejoice Marriage Ministries, I think I am most encouraged by the ones Bob Steinkamp has written about his experiences as a “prodigal.”

Bob’s wife Charlyne divorced him for adultery and abuse, on the advice of her pastor.  But then her heart was convicted and she felt God was telling her not to give up on Bob, but to fast and pray for him to repent and come back to God.

At the time, he thought she was crazy.  He told her the marriage was over, and melted down his wedding ring to prove it.  He told her he was never ever coming back.

But now, twenty years later, he tells a different story.  He tells how God was working on him the entire two years that they were divorced before he finally gave in to God’s promptings and remarried his wife.

He says, “It took a long while, crisis after crisis, almost a promise of a plane crash, and even coming face to face with three visible demons in my bedroom, for me to do what the Lord desired.  Yes, I had my own ‘free will’ as people are reminding you, but it would take a book to share all the ways God used to bring my free will into alignment with His will for my life.”

This book gives a window into what happened behind the scenes while his wife was praying.  She certainly didn’t know what he was thinking at the time.  I thought this paragraph was eye-opening:

“How many times a day do you think of your absent mate?  How often does something happen that will instantly remind you of the one you love?  Rest assured that you are coming to your prodigal’s thoughts just as often.  When you were married you became one flesh, a relationship that simply cannot be dissolved at will.  Your absent mate may wish you would drop from their memory, but God will never allow that to happen.  As you stand strong, doing things God’s way, those memories in your mate’s mind will be enhanced.  Take that as fact from a man who called the other woman by his wife’s name a year after our divorce!”

Bob also reminds the reader that his transformation came from God’s work in his heart, not something that Charlyne engineered.  He urges you to give your marriage to God, but reminds you that prayers for your spouse are far more effective than you may realize at the time.

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/prodigals_perspective.html

Review of The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love, by Jill Conner Browne

Humorous, Nonfiction Review 0

spq_book_of_love.jpg

The Sweet Potato Queens’ Book of Love

A Fallen Southern Belle’s Look at Love, Life, Men, Marriage, and Being Prepared

by Jill Conner Browne

Three Rivers Press, New York, 1999.  213 pages.

http://www.sweetpotatoqueens.com/

http://www.randomhouse.com/

Oh my goodness, the Sweet Potato Queens make me laugh!

This is the first book Jill Conner Browne wrote.  It explains the hilarious origins of the Sweet Potato Queens and some of their initial exploits.

All books about the Sweet Potato Queens are hilarious, not exactly respectful of men (at least when they don’t deserve respect), irreverent, and did I say hilarious?  Reading Jill Conner Browne brings out the queenliness in each of us and helps us laugh at ourselves and everyone else.

Tremendous fun in a way that can’t be explained.  Pick up a copy and read it yourself!

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/spq_book_of_love.html

Review of The Evangelical Universalist, by Gregory MacDonald

Christian, Nonfiction Review 0

evangelical_universalist.jpg

The Evangelical Universalist

by Gregory MacDonald

Cascade Books, Eugene Oregon, 2006.  201 pages.

Several years ago, through reading the writings of George MacDonald, I became convinced that God will save everyone, eventually.  Now I believe that this view is the most consistent interpretation of the Bible.

Gregory MacDonald’s process of coming to believe in universalism was similar to mine.  He says, “Finding arguments for universalism convincing seemed to be a major and unwelcome challenge to my orthodox faith.  I was, and remain, committed to the truth of Scripture; so I thought that I ‘knew’ universalism was not true.”

However, he began to read articles and books that presented the idea that universalism is a biblical belief.  Similar to my own process of coming to this belief, the first step was the realization that there exist some intelligent and godly people who believe that the Bible teaches that God will save everyone.  This realization opened the door to question the interpretation that he had always been taught.

His description of his change of thinking also describes exactly how it was for me:

“My ‘conversion’ to universalism was not sudden but very gradual and, at times, anxious.  Such a departure from the mainstream view of the church is not something to be rushed into.  I do not expect readers of this book to rush to embrace universalism — in some ways I would be concerned if they did.  I do however wish to sow a seed of hope.”

It may come as a surprise to those brought up in evangelical churches (such as I) that some people believe that universalism is biblical. “I hope to show that, in fact, universalism is not a major change to the tradition and that it actually enables us to hold key elements of the tradition together better than traditional doctrines of hell.”

Gregory MacDonald reminds us, “even a commitment to an inspired Bible is not a commitment to inerrant interpretations.  Reason can play a role in exposing misinterpretations of the Bible.”

How is an evangelical universalist different from an evangelical or different from other universalists?  Well, such a person does believe in hell.  However, they believe “that one’s eternal destiny is not fixed at death and, consequently, that those in hell can repent and throw themselves upon the mercy of God in Christ and thus be saved.  Second, she also believes that in the end everyone will do this.”

Gregory MacDonald takes a very intellectual approach to this topic, and concentrates on the biblical backing for this view.  If you think universalism might have merit, but don’t understand how someone could claim the Bible teaches it, this might be the book for you.

As for me, I already had come to believe that universalism makes more sense and resonates with the body of Scripture.  But like Gregory MacDonald, I am not 100% sure.  This book helped clear up some of the discrepancies that remain in my mind and helped me feel that much more secure in this belief in a God who loves everyone enough to save them.  Truly, He is mighty to save.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at:

www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/evangelical_universalist.html

Review of Breakfast Epiphanies, by David Anderson

Musings, Nonfiction Review 0

breakfast_epiphanies.jpg

Breakfast Epiphanies

Finding Wonder in the Everyday

by David Anderson

Beacon Press, Boston, 2002.  155 pages.

http://www.beacon.org/

Finding God in the ordinary is a way of seeing the world.  It’s a willingness to suspect God when no other fingerprints match.  When we encounter the sublime, terrible, inexplicable, we can stop silent in our tracks and whisper the words of Jacob as he awoke from his ladder dream:  “Surely the Lord was in this place and I did not know it.”  Or we can shrug it off as a weird coincidence.

Here’s a little book of musings about everyday events and what they mean in the bigger picture.  I actually read this book over breakfast, one short chapter per day.

A nice opportunity to stop and think for a moment, instead of simply letting life rush past.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/breakfast_epiphanies.html

Review of Your Life in Christ, by George MacDonald

Christian, Nonfiction Review 0

your_life_in_christ.jpg

Your Life in Christ

The Nature of God and His Work in Human Hearts

by George MacDonald

edited by Michael Phillips

Bethany House, 2005.  261 pages.

I love George MacDonald’s writings.  His deep and abiding love for the Father shine through, and his encouragement is inspiring.

Here’s another collection of his writings compiled by Michael Phillips.  This book contains selections only from his nonfiction, with commentary on each passage from Michael Phillips.

Here are some quotations that blessed me from this book:

http://sonderbooks.com/sonderquotes/?s=MacDonald+Your+Life+in+Christ

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/your_life_in_christ.html

Review of Your Father Knows Best, compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

Christian, Nonfiction Review, Relationships, True Stories 0

Your Father Knows Best

True Reports from Court of God Moving When People Are Praying

Compiled by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

http://www.rejoiceministries.org/

Rejoice Marriage Ministries, 2003.  93 pages.

Rejoice Marriage Ministries was founded by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp to minister to spread the word that God heals hurting marriages.  Twenty years ago, Charlyne divorced Bob for adultery and abuse.  But God spoke to her, asking her to pray for Bob and pray for their marriage to be restored.  And God did that very thing, after two years divorced.

This summer, when I got to visit a meeting of Rejoice Ministries in Florida, I told Charlyne about my upcoming court case.  It looked like I might get out of the November 5 trial if my husband and I reached an agreement about custody and visitation, but it was looking more and more likely that at the very least there would be a final divorce hearing on December 10. 

Charlyne, who is compassionate and kind and a radiant believer in the power of God, reminded me about their book, Your Father Knows Best.  I’d read the book before, but agreed that this was an opportune time to go over it again.

Your Father Knows Best is a compilation of true stories people have told to Bob and Charlyne about ways that God moved in surprising and miraculous ways in court cases.  This book is an encouraging reminder that God can still work, even when divorce has gotten to the final stages.

I could add my own story to a later version of the book.  A few days before our custody and visitation hearing, our lawyers came to an agreement that would settle matters between us.  I went to my lawyer’s office and signed my name or initials 300 times on 5 copies of two different versions of the agreement. 

A couple days later, I learned that my husband did not like the agreement and had a dispute with his lawyer.  It was too late to get another lawyer before the case came up in court, so he dropped it completely.  I am still married.

Now, my husband still fully intends to divorce me.  I was disappointed that this development meant no spousal support is forthcoming.  I’ve wondered if maybe I shouldn’t file for divorce myself to get things settled.

However, I prayed and asked God if I had really heard correctly and if He was still telling me to wait and pray for my marriage to be restored.  He answered swiftly and surely, yet again through a sermon the very next Sunday, a Christmas sermon not quite like any other I’d ever heard.

And God already did an amazing, unexpected and impossible thing by putting a stop to the divorce case this first time.  Who am I to say He cannot do this other thing of restoring and rebuilding our marriage?

Books like Your Father Knows Best remind me that mine would by no means be the first marriage God has miraculously restored.

A wonderfully encouraging book about God’s power.

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/your_father_knows_best.html

Review of Miss Alcott’s E-mail, by Kit Bakke

Biography, History, Musings, Nonfiction Review, True Stories 0

miss_alcotts_email.jpg

Miss Alcott’s E-mail

Yours for Reforms of All Kinds

by Kit Bakke

David R. Godine, 2006.  255 pages.

http://www.godine.com/

Kit Bakke begins, “I was home alone, that rare treat for the working mother, when it occurred to me to write to her.  To Louisa May Alcott.  Why not?” 

She goes on to explain why writing to Louisa resonated with her life.  And apparently she pulled it off!

“I wish I could explain more about the mechanics of our correspondence, but I can’t, because, other than frying six surge protectors, I don’t know how it worked.  I sent my letters and chapter drafts to Louisa by e-mail from my Seattle living room, and she received them as handwritten ink on paper in her roms in Dr. Lawrence’s house in Roxbury, Massachusetts.  She once told me my handwriting was neat and extremely legible, so there was definitely something odd going on.  She wrote to me, using well-worn ink pens and paper, and they showed up in Times New Roman in my Outlook inbox.  I was grateful for the technology transfer, as her own handwriting was also less than copperplate.

“It’s one of those Internet Effects, I guess.  Or a Heisenberg thing, or Brownian motion gone amok.  I didn’t want to inquire too closely for fear the magic might vanish.”

What follows is a series of essays about Louisa May Alcott’s life and the parallels with Kit Bakke’s life in modern America, framed by letters (no, e-mails) purporting to be from Louisa herself.

I loved the idea of this book, because when I was a girl in 6th or 7th grade, I actually spent quite a bit of time daydreaming about bringing Louisa May Alcott into the present to show her all the advances women have made.  I don’t think any other author ever prompted such a reaction, but I distinctly remember thinking out what I would say to Louisa May Alcott if I could pull this off and meet her.  So imagine my delight, more than thirty years later, to learn that Kit Bakke in some sense managed to do what I daydreamed about as a child.

I think it was Louisa’s zeal for “reforms of all kinds” that prompts this sort of reaction from her readers.  We want her to know about the progress that was made, and about the good that came from her own efforts.  Kit Bakke did some work at reforms of her own in the sixties, so she tied those stories in with her thoughts about Louisa’s life.

This book is a fascinating blend of musings on life in modern America combined with historical information about Louisa May Alcott and her times, as well as the personal touch from imagining Louisa’s reactions.

This book will be most enjoyed by people who have read and loved Louisa May Alcott’s books, but there are millions such people out there.  For myself, I want to find a copy of some of her less-known books for adults mentioned, such as Work.  I will be able to read it with new appreciation into the background and what it meant in Louisa’s life and times.  Reading Miss Alcott’s E-mail reminded me of an author I loved in my childhood, and told me more about her work for adults, which I have yet to discover.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/miss_alcotts_email.html

Review of Tell Me No Lies, by Ellyn Bader and Peter T. Pearson

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Relationships, Romance, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

tell_me_no_lies.jpg

Tell Me No Lies

How to Stop Lying to Your Partner — and Yourself — in the 4 Stages of Marriage

by Ellyn Bader, PhD, and Peter T. Pearson, PhD,

with Judith D. Schwartz

Skylight Press (St. Martin’s Press), New York, 2000.  241 pages.

Starred review.

I think of myself as a truthful person.  So I was a little offended by the first paragraph of this book.

“Everybody lies.  Friends lie to friends.  Children lie to their parents.  Politicians lie to constituents.  And, certainly, husbands and wives lie to each other.”

However, they do point out that these lies definitely don’t start out mean-spirited.  For example, classic lies of the Honeymoon Stage are “I like everything about you.” and “We like all the same things.”

The authors show common lies in the four stages of marriage and how they can lead to the marriage getting off track.  Their explanations ring true.  I was able to realize that the belief that I always tell the whole truth was definitely a lie I was telling myself.

They define four stages of marriage as The Honeymoon, Emerging Differences, Freedom, and Together as Two.  They explain the pitfalls of lies in each stage:

“Certain types of lies arise at different points in a marriage in response to the specific challenges of each stage.  Deception will stunt development in each stage, creating an emotional gridlock that leaves both partners stuck.  We call these stalled points “Detours and Dead Ends.”  From the Honeymoon, you can veer into The Dark Side of the Honeymoon.  When deceit obscures your Emerging Differences, you can end up in the Seething Stalemate.  The failure to negotiate independence can thrust you into Freedom Unhinged.  The only way to get on track is to confront the truth.”

The authors don’t place all the blame on the person doing the lying.  They include a chapter on “The Lie Invitee” explaining why there are times when we really don’t want to hear the truth.

This is a fascinating and helpful look at what makes an open and honest marriage.  You can’t really know one another if you don’t tell the truth to each other.  If you are beginning to feel distant and “so different” from each other, maybe it’s time to take a look at what truths about yourself you are hiding from your partner or maybe from yourself as well.

This book is full of good advice for building a good marriage.  It can also help you understand the dynamics of what went wrong if your marriage falls apart.

“Intimate relationships are difficult, despite what cultural myths would have us believe, and every couple will encounter some tough situations.  The grit to withstand those challenges — and to keep your marriage growing and alive — requires that you find the courage to voice the truth.  And the resolve to listen to it.”

Here are more helpful quotations from this book:

http://sonderbooks.com/sonderquotes/?s=Bader+Pearson

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at:

www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/tell_me_no_lies.html

Review of Free of Charge, by Miroslav Volf

Christian, Nonfiction Review 0

free_of_charge.jpg

Free of Charge

Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace

by Miroslav Volf

Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 2005.  247 pages.

http://www.zondervan.com/

I’ve been reading lots of books lately about forgiveness, because it’s an inexhaustible topic, and I find I desperately need it in my life these days.  I do believe that forgiveness is absolutely essential to happiness.

Miroslav Volf’s book, Free of Charge, is more of an academic look at forgiveness and at giving.  He approaches giving and forgiving as our response to a giving and forgiving God, our obligation as God-followers.  Though his approach is a little more academic, it is nonetheless powerful, and perhaps that much more persuasive.

God’s forgiveness is so amazing and unlimited, how can we do less and claim to be His children?

I found some wonderful quotations along the way, posted on Sonderquotes:

http://sonderbooks.com/sonderquotes/?s=volf

“God works against evil and suffering.  But God, in immense divine power and inscrutable divine wisdom, also works through evil and suffering.”

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on the main site at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/free_of_charge.html