Review of Kitchen Table Wisdom, by Rachel Naomi Remen

Musings, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Starred Review, True Stories 0

Kitchen Table Wisdom

Stories That Heal

by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

Riverhead Books, New York, 10th Anniversary Edition, 2006. 337 pages.
Starred Review.

In her Preface to the 10th Anniversary Edition, Rachel Naomi Remen writes,

“Because I am not a writer, when I sat down to write, all I had were my memories. The stories I had lived through and the stories I had shared. The stories people had told me in the supermarket, on airplanes and in the ladies room. So I told my computer a story. And then another. And another. When the manuscript deadline arrived, I had four hundred pages of little stories.

“I was mortified that this was all that I had to show after a year of work. In the world of medicine, where things that can be expressed in numbers are considered truer than things that can only be expressed in words, stories are considered poor form and storytellers are highly suspect. My tendency to tell stories had always been frowned upon by my medical colleagues and rejected as ‘anecdotal evidence.’ They preferred to measure truth in terms of hard data. So I had learned to keep my stories to myself….

“Now, ten years later, I too am less afraid, less apologetic. When I wrote Kitchen Table Wisdom, I had no idea what it would come to mean to people, about the way it would reach people and strengthen them, the way it would touch people and make them feel less alone. I have discovered the power of story to change people. I have seen a story heal shame and free people from fear, ease suffering and restore a lost sense of worth. I have learned that the ways we can befriend and strengthen the life in one another are very simple and very old. Stories have not lost their power to heal over generations. Stories need no footnotes.”

In the original Introduction, she talks about how she found these stories, when male doctors asked her to talk with patients, expecting a woman to be more comfortable with that.

“At first, I was surprised that people with the same disease had such very different stories. Later I became deeply moved by these stories, by the people and the meaning they found in their problems, by the unsuspected strengths, the depths of love and devotion, the rich and human tapestry initiated by the pathology I was studying and treating. Eventually, these stories would become far more compelling to me than the disease process. I would come to feel more personally enriched by them than by making the correct diagnosis. They would make me proud to be a human being.

“These stories engaged me at another, more hidden point. I too suffer from an illness, Crohn’s disease, a chronic, progressive intestinal disease which I had developed at the age of fifteen. So for me, these conversations eased a certain loneliness. This was a different sort of connection than the easy banter and camaraderie I enjoyed with the other medical residents. This was the conversation of people in bomb shelters, people under siege, people in times of common crisis everywhere. I listened to human beings who were suffering, and responding to their suffering in ways as unique as their fingerprints. Their stories were inspiring, moving, important. In time, the truth in them began to heal me.

“Everybody is a story. When I was a child, people sat around kitchen tables and told their stories. We don’t do that so much anymore. Sitting around the table telling stories is not just a way of passing time. It is the way the wisdom gets passed along. The stuff that helps us to live a life worth remembering. Despite the awesome powers of technology many of us still do not live very well. We may need to listen to each other’s stories once again.”

For some time now, I’ve been reading one or two of these stories every morning. What a blessing! They are stories of healing, stories of wonder, stories of transcendence. And they do pass along wisdom, a wisdom Dr. Remen learned from people coming from all walks of life. Truly a beautiful book.

“All stories are full of bias and uniqueness; they mix fact with meaning. This is the root of their power. Stories allow us to see something familiar through new eyes. We become in that moment a guest in someone else’s life, and together with them sit at the feet of their teacher. The meaning we may draw from someone’s story may be different from the meaning they themselves have drawn. No matter. Facts bring us to knowledge, but stories lead to wisdom.”

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Review of 14 Cows for America, by Carmen Agra Deedy

Children's Nonfiction Review, History, Stand-outs, Starred Review, True Stories 0

14 Cows for America

by Carmen Agra Deedy
in collaboration with Wilson Kimeli Naiyomah
illustrated by Thomas Gonzalez

Peachtree, Atlanta, 2009. 40 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #3 Children’s Nonfiction

14 Cows for America is a gorgeous nonfiction picture book, telling a touching and beautiful story. I’ve read many books about September 11, but this one is completely different from any other.

The book takes us to a remote village of the Maasai in Kenya. One of their own, Kimeli (the collaborator on this book), has come home from his doctoral studies in America. The people ask him if he has any stories to tell, and he tells the story of the Twin Towers falling.

After telling the story, “Kimeli waits. He knows his people. They are fierce when provoked, but easily moved to kindness when they hear of suffering or injustice.”

To the Maasai, the cow is life. So Kimeli offers the people of America his only cow. Others in the tribe respond the same way. A diplomat from the United States Embassy in Nairobi comes for a day of sacred ceremony, as the Maasai give 14 cows to the people of America.

“Because there is no nation so powerful it cannot be wounded, nor a people so small they cannot offer mighty comfort.”

The story is told beautifully, with simple language. My summary doesn’t convey the charm and grandeur of the book, with its gorgeous paintings. This story can be read to very young children, but also enjoyed by adults. A double-page spread at the back has Kimeli Naiyomah explaining the background of this true story in more detail. I especially like his final paragraph:

“These sacred, healing cows can never be slaughtered. They remain in our care in Kenya under the guidance of the revered elder Mzee Ole-Yiampoi. The original fourteen have calved and the herd now numbers over thirty-five. They continue to be a symbol of hope from the Maasai to their brothers and sisters in America. The Maasai wish is that every time Americans hear this simple story of fourteen cows, they will find a measure of comfort and peace.”

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Review of The Second Journey, by Joan Anderson

Biography, Musings, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, True Stories 0

The Second Journey

The Road Back to Yourself

by Joan Anderson

Voice (Hyperion), New York, 2008. 205 pages.

Here’s a book written by a woman in midlife, musing about the paths we take. As a 45-year-old woman going through divorce, with a looming job loss due to budget cuts, I was very ready to listen to what she had to say, to share her journey.

I especially liked the last section, where she spends some time on Iona, an island off the coast of Scotland. I especially enjoyed it simply because I have been to Iona, only for a few hours, but it’s easy to remember the spiritual magic of the place, and easy to take vicarious pleasure in her journeys there.

In the prologue, Joan Anderson says,

“The call to a second journey usually commences when unexpected change is thrust upon you, causing a crisis of feelings so great that you are stopped in your tracks. Personal events, such as a betrayal, a diagnosis of serious illness, the death of a loved one, loss of self-esteem, a fall from power are only a few of the catalysts. A woman caught thusly has no choice but to pause, isolate, even relocate until she can reevaluate the direction in which she should head. Should she stay the course or choose another path?

“But alas, many of us inhibit our capacity for growth because the culture encourages us to live lives of uniformity. We stall, deny, ignore the ensuing crisis because of confusion, malaise, and yes, even propriety. Yet more and more, I come in contact with women, particularly in midlife — that uneasy and ill-defined period — who do not want merely to be stagnant but rather desire to be generative. Today’s woman has the urge to go against the prevailing currents, step out of line, and break with a polite society that has her following the unwritten rules of relationship, accepting the abuses of power in the workplace, and blithely living with myriad shoulds when she has her own burgeoning desires.

“This book will help you navigate through change — from being merely awakened to being determined, impassioned pilgrim on her own individual path. This does not mean giving up family and friends; it simply means integrating the web of family and other relationships into your world so that they are a part of your life but not your entire life.”

Here are some good thoughts for your own second journey.

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Review of A Three Dog Life, by Abigail Thomas

Biography, Musings, Nonfiction Review, True Stories 0

A Three Dog Life

A Memoir

by Abigail Thomas

Harcourt, Orlando, 2006. 182 pages.

Abigail Thomas’ husband was hit by a car when out walking the dog. He sustained severe brain damage, and neither of their lives were ever the same again. He has no long-term memory, and lives in an eternal now. When she visits him, she never knows what he will say.

Since then, Abigail has built a life (with three dogs) quite different than the one she had before the accident. This book contains musings and meditations on that life, thoughts about what it means to love. She lost her husband as he was and gained someone who sees the world in a unique way. She had to struggle with guilt when she found herself enjoying the life she’d built.

Abigail Thomas takes us with her on her journey. The book is sad, but thoughtful and hopeful.

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Review of Our Lady of Kibeho, by Immaculee Ilibagiza

Biography, Christian, Nonfiction Review, Starred Review, True Stories 0

our_lady_of_kibehoOur Lady of Kibeho

Mary Speaks to the World from the Heart of Africa

by Immaculee Ilibagiza
with Steve Erwin

Hay House, Carlsbad, California, 2008. 210 pages.
Starred Review

I was so deeply moved by Immaculee Ilibagiza’s other two books, Left to Tell and Led by Faith, I also snapped up this book, even though I am not Catholic and the miracles she tells about are definitely related to the Catholic faith.

But, as with her other books, this story is wonderfully moving and inspiring. She convinced me that God is doing great miracles in and through the Catholic church, and I praise His name for that! Her narrative gives glory to God and testifies to His power and His great love for His children.

In her Introduction, Immaculee explains what she’s setting out to do in this book:

At that time, as incredible as it sounds, the Virgin Mary and her son, Jesus, began appearing to a group of young people in the southern Rwandan village of Kibeho. The visionaries brought messages from heaven intended for the entire world to hear: messages of love, along with instructions on how to live better lives and care for each other and pray more effectively. But with those messages also came dire, apocalyptic warnings that hatred and a thirst for sin would lead Rwanda and the rest of the world into a dark abyss. The Virgin Mary’s prophecy of the 1994 genocide is one of the main reasons the Catholic Church has focused much attention on the apparitions in Kibeho.

In November 2001, the Church, in a rare move, officially approved the apparitions of the Virgin Mary seen by three schoolgirls: Alphonsine, Anathalie, and Marie-Claire. The girls were tested and examined rigorously by doctors, scientists, psychiatrists, and theologians. Yet no testing could explain the miraculous and supernatural events that occurred when the Blessed Mother appeared to the girls. The evidence of a true apparition was irrefutable, and the local bishop said that there was no doubt a miracle had occurred in Rwanda. Thus, the Vatican endorsed what’s known as “the Shrine of Our Lady of Sorrows,” which is the only approved apparition site in Africa….

I was actually among the earliest believers that Mary and Jesus had come to Rwanda….

My parents frequently traveled to Kibeho and told me details of their visits, and I’ve always had great love for the Virgin Mary. This, coupled with my fascination with the apparitions, drove me to find out as much as I could about them so that I could share my findings with you in these pages. I met with the bishops, priests, and doctors who studied the apparitions; I’ve become friends with several of the visionaries themselves; and I’ve repeatedly listened to the hundreds of hours of apparitions that Father Rwagema recorded. These are the sources I draw upon for this book. In other words, it’s not a history lesson, but rather my personal account of an authentic miracle unfolding and the profound effect it had on my country, my parents, and my faith.

The shrine for Our Lady in Kibeho has become a place of worship and prayer for hundreds of thousands of pilgrims from across Africa, many of whom claimed miraculous healings at the site, yet most of the world hasn’t even heard about this blessed place. It is my deepest hope that this small volume will help change that, and that Kibeho will become as well known as Fatima or Lourdes. The messages Jesus and Mary brought forth at Kibeho are of love — which today’s world so desperately needs to hear.

The result of Immaculee’s efforts is a book with a fascinating, powerful, and inspiring story. Read it yourself and draw your own conclusions!

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Review of French by Heart, by Rebecca S. Ramsey

Biography, Cross Cultural, Musings, Nonfiction Review, Stand-outs, Starred Review, True Stories 0

french_by_heartFrench by Heart

An American Family’s Adventures in La Belle France

by Rebecca S. Ramsey

Broadway Books, New York, 2007. 308 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #4 Nonfiction: True Stories

Having lived in Germany for ten years, French by Heart is exactly the sort of book I love — someone else’s tale of making a home in another country. There’s much that I relate to from my own experiences, much that I enjoy vicariously, and a wistful feeling of “Wouldn’t I love to move to France for four years!”

Rebecca Ramsey’s husband works for Michelin, and for four years they moved their family to Clermont-Ferrand, four hours south of Paris. Her three children attended the local French school, and her family’s way of doing things quickly came under the scrutiny of their neighbor, a grandmotherly type with definite opinions.

Rebecca has a wonderful way of pulling you into the confusions and delights of living in a foreign country, of beginning to feel like you belong, while always knowing you are different. She expresses the joys and frustrations of building a friendship with her nosy and opinionated neighbor. We cringe with her as she describes the daunting adventure of getting stitches for her bleeding son, and feel pride with her at her success.

One of the things I love about living in a foreign country is how it adds a certain sense of wonder even to the events of daily life — shopping, going out to eat, going to school, talking with friends. Everything is new and different, memorable and exciting.

Rebecca Ramsey catches some of that as she describes their arrival in France:

“What was it about this place that was so enchanting? Even with my queasiness, I couldn’t help feeling charmed by it, from the old brass door knockers shaped like a lady’s hand to the women, young and old, with their sultry eyes and obvious confidence. As we walked by the cafes I tried not to stare at the people sitting there, their beautiful French words twirling out of their mouths, mingling with the swirls of coffee perfuming the crisp morning air. I wanted to understand it all, the Frenchiness of this place. I wanted to be part of it and for it to be a part of me — a part of us, our family. We hoped to have four years or so in France. Could that happen in four years? We were nervous, yes, but our American hearts were open. Could we be French too, just for a little while? French, not by citizenship, but by heart?”

Reading this book, France will win a place in your own heart, too.

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Review of Stitches, by David Small

Biography, Graphic Novel, Nonfiction Review, True Stories 0

stitchesStitches

A Memoir

by David Small

W. W. Norton & Company, New York, 2009. 329 pages.

It is always poignant when a successful, accomplished adult tells the story of a painful childhood. When the person telling the story is a skilled artist telling the story in graphic form, it has all the more power.

David Small is an award-winning illustrator of picture books for children. His memoir, however, is not for children.

When he was a child, he was given x-ray “therapy” as treatment for a sinus condition. That well-meaning therapy gave him cancer as a teenager, leaving scars both on his skin and on his voice.

The abuse he suffered is all the more poignant in that much of it was well-meaning, and some of it simply neglect. In this powerful graphic memoir, he shows us how the world looked to a little boy and a teen going through difficult things at the hands of those who were supposed to love him.

A moving and memorable story.

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Review of Led by Faith, by Immaculee Ilibagiza

Biography, Christian, Nonfiction Review, Stand-outs, Starred Review, True Stories 0

led_by_faithLed By Faith

Rising from the Ashes of the Rwandan Genocide

by Immaculee Ilibagiza

with Steve Erwin

Hay House, Carlsbad, California, 2008. 205 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #2 Nonfiction: True Stories

Led By Faith continues the story Immaculee Ilibagiza began in Left To Tell, telling what happened after her amazing escape from the Rwandan Holocaust. That story is an astonishing one of survival and of how God spared her life, protected her, and helped her to forgive the evil men who killed her family and so many others.

Led By Faith tells of Immaculee’s less glamorous struggles, trying to follow God’s leading in the aftermath of the horror. She deals with more prosaic concerns like sexual harrassment, fighting false accusations, breaking up with her boyfriend, paying for a wedding, and finding a job in America. In many ways, these struggles were much easier for me to relate to, but she still deals with them with amazing faith and forgiveness.

The timing of my reading this was excellent, coming just when I needed it. Last night, I got a chance glimpse on Facebook of a young woman whom I knew had had a long-standing affair with a married man, and encouraged him to leave his wife and kids. Then shortly afterward I saw on a friend’s profile the profile picture of a man I’d been acquainted with — who was posing with a smiling young woman — presumably the woman he abandoned his wife and kids for.

That got me reflecting on how much, how very much, pain and suffering is caused to people and to innocent children by adultery — and yet our culture treats it as if it’s all a lovely step of growth, something to be proud of. Such men proudly appear in public with their new “love,” pretending they haven’t made fools of themselves and deeply wounded the very people they promised to love and cherish.

I have many friends now who have been betrayed by their husbands. Some are happily married now to someone else, some are happily married to their original husbands, some are living a happy single life, and some are still in the midst of the pain and suffering. But all suffered horribly, all have been through incredible and unbelievable pain. All would agree with me that there is a reason that God calls adultery evil, plain and simple.

But I like Immaculee’s approach to people around her doing evil. Here is what she thought when two men with power tricked her and trapped her in a hotel room with plans to rape her:

“I was no longer afraid of Mr. E, and I was no longer afraid of Kingston. I felt sorry for these men, who only looked for material gain or physical gratification, never caring whom they hurt to satisfy their wants. Looking at Mr. E, I now saw him for what he was: a weak and pleading man with a dirty mind standing by the edge of a hotel bed. All he saw when he looked at me was an orphan he could mistreat without fear of getting caught or facing the consequences. It was all too familiar, and God had helped me through far worse situations with men far more vicious and depraved than Mr. E.

“What good did he think his power would do him when he faced God? How could he think his money would protect him when all he had could be snatched away from him in an instant?

“I wanted to tell him about meeting Mupundu, who’d been a big politician in the Hutu government and the richest woman in Mataba . . . until she gave in to the bloodlust of the genocide. I saw her limping back to our village from Zaire, and she’d lost everything — her money, her power, her family. She didn’t even have shoes to cover her bleeding feet. She’d turned from God, and she’d lost the only real thing she could count on, just as surely as Mr. E would lose everything unless he turned his heart away from wickedness and back to the Lord.”

Don’t Immaculee’s words apply equally well to any sinner? She is consistent in reminding the reader what a horrible place those who do evil have gotten themselves into. We can forgive them, because God is more than capable of taking care of their punishment, and their own consciences will punish them cruelly. If we refuse to forgive, then we only bring ourselves into that hell with them. Why should we give them so much power, when turning to God, Who gives the power to love and forgive, can bring such healing?

I’ve noticed with my friends who have been betrayed that the betrayers consistently aren’t able to face the guilt and shame of what they’ve done — so they consistently blame their wives for their actions. They don’t want forgiveness, which would imply they had done something wrong. They want to be excused. They want to go along with our culture’s lines like “They were too different,” or, “She didn’t meet my needs.” In the case of the Rwandan genocide, the government was all too eager to portray the Tutsis as insects who needed to be exterminated. But, inevitably, the guilt came later.

Immaculee’s perspective, to first feel sorry for the perpetrators, is so valid. That young woman can smile in the profile picture — but how in the world can she possibly have a healthy relationship with someone who is already established as a liar and a cheater? And why is it, with the broken marriages I know about, that the one who cheated is the one eaten up and consumed by hatred, bitterness and lack of forgiveness? Where is all that happiness they said they were going to find by leaving their wives?

Okay, I’m going on and on about what was on my mind when I was reading the book, and not about the book itself. But it’s that kind of book — a beautiful model of love and forgiveness and guidance and walking by faith. It tells you that sinners are to be pitied, and evil can be overcome by good. The principles can apply to almost anyone.

If you have ever been wronged, if you have ever noticed evil in the world around you, if you have ever worried about what to do next or how you would get by, then you can learn from and be inspired by Immaculee’s story.

I wish her all the blessings in the world. And I love her message that love and forgiveness can overcome hatred and evil.

In the Epilogue, she goes back to Rwanda for her brother’s wedding and finds a country that is healing. This is the beautiful ending to the book:

“Cousin Ganza had told me that people were healing in Rwanda, that faith was being restored. God, he said, was working a miracle of forgiveness in our country. Gazing out over the glowing city below me, I knew that this miracle would inspire the entire world. If the evil that was unleashed here could be conquered with love, where could evil not be conquered? If the hearts of Rwanda could be healed through forgiveness, then what heart couldn’t?

“The sun slipped beyond the horizon, its last rays illuminating the tops of a thousand hills. It was enough light for the entire world to see Rwanda rising from the ashes of genocide.”

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Review of Four Seasons in Rome, by Anthony Doerr

Biography, Cross Cultural, Musings, Nonfiction Review, Travel, True Stories 0

four_seasons_in_romeFour Seasons in Rome

On Twins, Insomnia, and the Biggest Funeral in the History of the World

by Anthony Doerr

Scribner, New York, 2007. 210 pages.

Anthony Doerr won an award to come to Rome for a year to write. What a fabulous opportunity! The timing, however, was interesting — the fellowship began when his twin sons were six months old.

Four Seasons in Rome tells the story of that chaotic and amazing year when Anthony Doerr and his wife and infant sons got to live in the Eternal City. This wonderful book combines aspects of many types of memoir: the bemused blunderings and awe of a new parent, cross-cultural adventures and misadventures, musings about the writing process and the ways we avoid it, and the wonders of Rome.

I had an extra interest in the book, because the time our family visited Rome (our last family vacation as an intact family) was during the very year that Anthony Doerr was there — We were there after the Pope’s funeral, but before the next Pope was elected. So we saw a teeny tiny bit of what he mentions.

Here’s a little taste:

“Every few days there are moments of excruciating beauty. We are simultaneously more happy and more worn out than we have ever been in our lives. We communicate by grinning and pointing and waving food in the air. We don’t sleep as well as we used to. Our expectations (today I might take a shower; the #75 bus might actually show up) are routinely dashed. Just when we think we have a system (two naps a day; Shauna finds a rosticceria with chickens on spits that is open on Sundays), the system collapses. Just when we think we know our way around, we get lost. Just when we think we know what’s coming next, everything changes.”

It’s fun to vicariously share in Anthony Doerr’s experiences, not quite sure whether to envy him or to feel sorry for him — mostly glad I can enjoy it in nice comfortable book form.

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Review of Left to Tell, by Immaculee Ilibagiza

Biography, Forgiveness, Nonfiction Review, Stand-outs, Starred Review, True Stories 0

left_to_tellLeft to Tell

Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust

by Immaculee Ilibagiza
with Steve Erwin

Hay House, Carlsbad, California, 2006. 215 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #1 Nonfiction: True Stories

Left to Tell is an incredible book and tells an amazing story. Immaculee Ilibagiza survived the Rwandan holocaust by hiding in a tiny bathroom with seven other women. What’s more, they had to be absolutely quiet, and were often able to hear killers describing what they had done in exterminating “cockroaches,” even someone describing with glee how her own brother had died horribly.

You would think that a book that even mentions such horrors would be tremendously depressing. Instead, reading this book uplifted and inspired me.

You see, Immaculee, with God’s help, has been able to forgive the people who killed her family and devastated her country. The fiery trial has made her truly beautiful, and even her book radiates this beautiful, loving, and forgiving spirit.

I do appreciate that she never pretends the forgiveness came easily. She describes when they first went into hiding, how there seemed to be a constant negative voice saying they’d be found, they’d be killed. Later on, after she thought she was done forgiving, all the waves of anger and hatred came back when she saw her destroyed family home and her brother’s mutilated remains.

But Immaculee learned the power of prayer in combating those feelings and those voices of discouragement and hatred. Since she couldn’t speak to the other women, Immaculee spent most of the three months in the bathroom praying. Is it any wonder she grew to feel close to God?

And there were miracles of protection and comfort. A time when killers were specifically looking for her, on the other side of the door, she was given a vision of protection and saw a glowing cross standing in front of that door. And the killers never found her.

I’ve read many books on forgiveness since my husband left me. But books about the theories of forgiveness, although helpful, can’t begin to hold the power of this book showing practical forgiveness in action. The horrors perpetuated against Immaculee’s family and nation were astronomically beyond any wrongs I have ever suffered. After reading this book, those wrongs seem utterly inconsequential. If Immaculee can, by God’s power, forgive such horrors, and by doing so become a radiantly beautiful person, then surely I can forgive such tiny wrongs as have been done against me. And I do believe that such forgiveness will make me a tiny bit more beautiful.

The message I got from this book is how forgiveness is always worth it, no matter how difficult. I am so glad I read this radiant and inspiring story.

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