Category: Personal Growth

The Language of Letting Go

by Melody Beattie

Hazelden, 1990. 393 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #6 Other Nonfiction

The Language of Letting Go is a collection of 365 daily meditations about letting go and giving up codependency. There’s all kinds of wisdom and good thoughts here. You can tell how powerfully it spoke to me because selections from it appear over and over again on my Sonderquotes blog.

I bought this book in May 2008. I started on the date when I bought it and read through the whole year, then started at the beginning and finished out 2009. Now that I’m in 2010, I’ve bought two other books of meditations by Melody Beattie, More Language of Letting Go and Journey of the Heart. So I decided to give this book a rest, but I hope that shows how much I liked it, how often I’d find just the bit of wisdom I needed for that particular day.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/language_of_letting_go.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow

12 Simple Principles

by Karen Casey

Conari Press, 2005. 149 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #2 Other Nonfiction

This is a simple book about living a more peaceful and loving life. I found the thoughts presented to be profound, as you can tell by the twenty-two times I chose selections from this book for Sonderquotes.

The 12 simple principles make up the first twelve chapters, with a summary chapter at the end. Here are the principles as they are listed in the chapter titles:

1. Tend your own garden.
2. Stop focusing on problems so their solutions can emerge.
3. Let go of outcomes.
4. Change your mind.
5. Choose to act rather than react.
6. Give up your judgments.
7. Remember that you are not in control.
8. Discover your own lessons.
9. Do no harm.
10. Quiet your mind.
11. Every encounter is a holy encounter — respond accordingly.
12. There are two voices in your mind — one is always wrong.

I told you they were simple! You’ve probably heard most of these ideas before, but she helps you see how you can actually do these things, and convinces you how much it will help.

Here’s a passage I enjoyed from “Tend Your Own Garden”:

“Let’s celebrate the fact that we are in charge of no one but ourselves. It relieves us of a heavy burden, and a thankless job, one that never blesses us. Taking control of every thought we have and every action we take, and being willing to relinquish the past while savoring the present, will assuredly keep us as busy as we need to be. Doing these things, and only these things is why we are here. It’s only when we live our own lives and manage our own affairs, freeing others to do the same, that we will find the peace we seek and so deserve.”

She gives similar advice in the chapter “Choose to Act Rather Than React”:

“Minding other people’s business simply isn’t the work we are here to do, regardless of how seductive the idea may be. We each must make our own journey, and even when it appears that someone we love is making a poor decision about an important matter, unless we are asked for advice, it’s not our place to offer it. Besides, minding your own business will keep you as busy as you would ever need to be.”

In the chapter “Give Up Your Judgments,” she says:

“When I embrace the practice of unconditional love — seldom an easy exercise, I might add — I am able to see how similar I am to those around me, and my habit of judgment lessens. Please note the word ‘habit.’ Judgment does become a habit, and so can unconditional love, though it is more difficult to perfect. A tool that has worked for me (when I remember to use it) is to express a statement of unconditional love out loud every time a judgmental thought crosses my mind. Try it next time you find yourself gripped by judgment. As soon as you catch it, state your unconditional love. It works.”

Another theme of focusing on yourself, not others comes in “Remember That You Are Not In Control”:

“What we discover when we give up trying to control everybody and everything is that we suddenly have the time and opportunity to learn and change and grow within ourselves, so that we can progress to the next level of spiritual awareness that awaits us.

“A surprise benefit, too, is that by letting go, moving on, and living our own lives peacefully and with intention, we often inspire others to change in the very ways we want them to change. Ironic, isn’t it?”

From “Every Encounter Is a Holy Encounter,” we find this wise advice:

“We can never know who we really are unless we have others to interact with. Perhaps most difficult to understand, in all this, is that the people with whom we have the most difficult relationships are the ones from whom we learn the most. It is in these more fraught interactions that our minds are healed the most.

“That’s why it’s so important to choose to be grateful for every relationship. We simply cannot know what God has intended for each of them to mean in our lives. We can only be sure that they are present to help us heal.”

In the final chapter, she gives us encouragement to go out there and begin:

“How we acquire better lives is not very mysterious. It comes back to making better choices, beginning with the most important choice of all: Whom will we listen to, the aggressive boss ego or the quiet, wise voice that’s always there to guide us to a higher place? You don’t have to make huge changes all at once. I wouldn’t even suggest trying. Just commit, one day at a time, to changing your mind, and you will begin to experience that peaceful life you deserve. The power of one mind changing cannot be overstated. Are you willing to be an example?”

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/change_your_mind.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

The Trance of Scarcity

Stop Holding Your Breath and Start Living Your Life

by Victoria Castle

Berrett-Koehler Publishers, San Francisco, 2007. 205 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #1 Other Nonfiction

I think that I ordered this book from isabellacatalog.com. And found it so wonderful, I kept quoting it on my Sonderquotes blog. This is a book about living life to the fullest.

In her introduction, Victoria Castle says,
“In working with thousands of people, I have repeatedly encountered the tragic theme of I am not enough — not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, young enough, old enough, worthy enough. Almost as prevalent is the theme of There is not enough — not enough time, money, opportunity, love, cooperation, power, you name it. This prevailing premise of not-enough-ness successfully cripples the lives of people who would otherwise be buoyant and passionate. Since its subjects are so readily yet unwittingly loyal to it, I came to call this blight the Trance of Scarcity.”

In this book, the author presents joyous ways of escaping the trance of scarcity. I found many of her ideas resonated with things I’d been reading in other places.

One such idea is that our experience of life depends on the story we tell ourselves about it. I liked this paragraph:

“Regarding our Stories, the question is never “Is it true?” because it can’t be true; it’s just a Story. The question also isn’t “Is it the right Story?” because that implies there’s only one correct choice. The most helpful question is “Is this Story useful?” Given what I care about, what I want to contribute, and what matters to me, is the story I’m telling myself a useful one? Most of us constantly replay hundreds of inherited default Stories that trample our life energy and steal our peace of mind.”

If you tell yourself a story of abundance instead of a story of scarcity, you will enjoy life more. And the author has ideas for helping you make the change.

Another beautiful concept is how learning to receive with gratitude leads to generosity and giving, which leads to more receiving with gratitude. This book is full of the idea of living life lavishly and overflowing with joy to others. Here’s another passage I liked:

“If we are not practiced in saying yes to life, then we can forget about bliss — we just want relief! Relief from our hectic lives, from our negative self-talk, from our perpetual fatigue. I used to think that I just had the thermostat set too low, at Relief, and that with a little more practice, I would easily move on up to Bliss. Instead, it turns out that the road to bliss and the road to relief head in completely different directions.

“Relief isn’t much; it’s only an interruption of discomfort. It leads to a nice rest stop with a turnaround that plops you right back on the same road. Bliss, however, is the superhighway to the juiciness of life. As my musician friends Bev Daugherty and Garnett Hundley sing, “Live flat out, eat it all up with a spoon!” Having a high bliss tolerance means you’re willing to be pleased by life. And the better it gets, the more you can stand. In this scenario, you anticipate benevolence and are expanded by your experience. When you are consistently grateful, it’s impossible to feel like a victim; you know that no matter how well it may be disguised, you can find the blessing in whatever’s going on.”

I didn’t review this book right after I finished reading it, because it was not a library book that needed to be checked back in, but my own copy. Doing this review has reminded me how inspiring it was. I think it’s time to slowly reread it, to remind me that my impending probable job loss by no means needs to be a tragedy, but can be an exciting opportunity. It’s all in the story I tell myself, right?

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/trance_of_scarcity.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.