Review of I Need Your Love — Is That True? by Byron Katie

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Relationships, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

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I Need Your Love — Is That True?
How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead,
by Byron Katie
written with Michael Katz

Harmony Books, New York, 2005. 254 pages.
Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #5 Other Nonfiction

www.thework.com
www.crownpublishing.com

“Everyone agrees that love is wonderful, except when it’s terrible. People spend their whole lives tantalized by love — seeking it, trying to hold on to it, or trying to get over it. Not far behind love, as major preoccupations, come approval and appreciation. From childhood on, most people spend much of their energy in a relentless pursuit of these things, trying out different methods to be noticed, to please, to impress, and to win other people’s love, thinking that’s just the way life is. This effort can become so constant and unquestioned that we barely notice it anymore.

“This book takes a close look at what works and what doesn’t in the quest for love and approval. It will help you find a way to be happier in love and more effective in all your relationships without being manipulative or deceptive in any way. What you learn here will bring fulfillment to all kinds of relationships, including romantic love, dating, marriage, raising children, work, and friendship.”

One thing I like about Byron Katie’s books is that she does not tell you what to think. Instead, she has you examine your own thoughts and ask yourself:

Is it true?

Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without that thought?

When it comes to needing people, she says,

“How do you know when you don’t need people? When they’re not in your life. How do you know when you do need them? When they are in your life. You can’t control the comings and goings of the people you care for. What you can do is have a good life whether they come or go. You can invite them, and they come or not, and whatever the result is, that’s what you need. Reality is the proof of it.”

Katie believes that whatever happens is good. As a Christian, I believe that God works all things together for good in my life. So maybe I’m coming from a different reason, but the result is the same: If something has happened, I know that God can bring good into my life through that.

Stressful thoughts so often involve believing that something that happened to me should not have happened, for example: “My husband should not have left me.” “My son should be more respectful.” “He is not treating me fairly.” “She is interfering in my life.”

Katie talks about “noticing and counting the beautiful reasons unexpected things happen for us.” If you look for the ways life events benefit you, you will be a much happier person. (“Who will I be without that stressful thought?”)

“Many people’s lives are constantly punctuated with little fits or tantrums in which they express their rejection of what’s happening….

“The more you stick to the belief that you’re in control, the more of these moments there are in your life. Some people reach a point where they’re fighting reality at every step along the way. That’s how they react to the thought ‘I’m calling the shots’ when no one seems to be listening. It’s a war zone in their minds.

“The alternative is to expect reality not to follow your plan. You realize that you have no ideas what’s going to happen next. That way, you’re pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, and you’re pleasantly surprised when they don’t. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them, and the old plans don’t stop you from moving ahead, from flowing efficiently into the life beyond your schemes and expectations.”

This book focuses on love, approval, and relationships. Katie asks some excellent questions over the course of the book:

“How do you react when you believe the thought that you can find love and approval by making yourself more likable?”

“When you say ‘Thank you,’ are you handing someone a token, or are you expressing real gratitude?”

“What would it be like to live your truth without excusing, defending, explaining, or justifying your thoughts or actions to others?”

“Who would you be without the thought that you need to seek approval?”

“Who would you be without the thought that your happiness depends on someone else?”

“If you love me, you’ll do what I want — Is it true?”

I like her commentary on that last question:

“Horses grazing in a field unthinkingly stand head to tail, flicking the flies from each other’s faces. At night, they sleep standing up, resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. This is what peaceful reciprocation looks like. But ‘civilized’ people have learned how to use reciprocation to torture each other. All it takes is the belief that if I do something for you, you owe me something in return. If I give you my love, you’d better give me yours, or something of equal value.

“What happens if you don’t reciprocate? I take back my love and approval, and I give you resentment instead. The rules of each relationship dictate all the things you have to do or not do to avoid resentment. These rules aren’t written down or even spoken. You find out what they are by breaking them. When you see that I’m angry, you know that you’ve broken a rule. You did something you shouldn’t have, you came home too late or too early, you forgot to do or say something. Perhaps you should ask what you did wrong, but watch out: One of the rules may be that you’re supposed to know without asking.

“And of course, you find out about your rules for my behavior using the same method. How do you know when I broke a rule? When you get angry at me.

In any case, if you do your best to figure out all the rules and obey them, do you get my love? No. You get to tiptoe around me, so that you can minimize my anger and continue the relationship. Love seems to have disappeared. Where did it go? You can find out by questioning the thought, ‘If you love me, you’ll do what I want.'”

Reading Byron Katie’s books help me to grow in contentment, gratitude, peace and joy. They help me let go of thoughts that keep me from those things. It’s very easy to see the good in that!

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/i_need_your_love.html

Review of The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins

Adventure, Science Fiction, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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The Hunger Games
by Suzanne Collins

Scholastic Press, New York, 2008. 374 pages.
Starred Review.

When this book first came out, I wasn’t interested. I don’t like reality shows, and I don’t like reading about violence. This book is about reality shows taken to the extreme in a future society where two young people from each district participate in the annual Hunger Games, with only one survivor at the end.

However, the book kept getting rave reviews. When it won School Library Journal’s Battle of the Books, I decided I definitely should read it, and the commentators convinced me it would be worth my time. The final straw, which made me decide to read it right away, was when bloggers began bragging about getting advance readers’ copies of the sequel, Catching Fire. It felt funny to not even want the sequel because I’d never read the first book. So I finally remedied that situation.

The book definitely captured my interest and concern, and kept me reading far into the night. Suzanne Collins does a good job making you care about Katniss, who at the beginning of the book spends time hunting illegally outside the fence, in order to provide for her family.

We’re quickly presented with a world where life is hard and life isn’t fair. When Katniss’s young sister’s name is called to be the district’s tribute to the Hunger Games, we have no trouble believing that Katniss would volunteer to go in her place. We know that Katniss has survival skills to cope, and understand her unwillingness to trust Peeta, the other representative from District 12. After all, even in the very best result, only one of them can survive.

The games are brutal, but the author finds ways for Katniss to show compassion and humanity, as well as courage and resourcefulness. The games are more of a survival contest than a gladiator combat, as the contestants are in an enormous arena with a landscape prepared with challenges. They must find food and water, and evade natural predators as well as each other.

This book is exciting and compelling. Now I find myself as eager as everyone else to get my hands on a copy of the sequel.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/hunger_games.html

Review of Still Life, by Joy Fielding

Fiction Review, General, Starred Review, Suspense 0

still_lifeStill Life
by Joy Fielding

Atria Books, New York, 2009. 369 pages.
Starred Review.
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: #6 Fiction

This book is wonderful. Richly textured and thought-provoking, it also includes life-or-death suspense.

Casey Marshall has a perfect life. Having lunch with her best friends, it’s clear that one at least thinks it’s a bit too perfect. Casey and her handsome husband are even talking about starting a family soon.

But after lunch, something happens. Casey wakes up in darkness, only able to hear voices. They are talking about a terrible accident that happened to “the patient,” run down by an SUV. She begins recognizing distraught voices of people she knows and loves, and it dawns on her that the accident happened to her.

Nobody knows that she can hear them. People tell her husband that he should get on with his life, but he says he can’t stay away from her, he loves her too much. Her sister Drew is mad because Casey’s the executor of their parents’ estate, and Drew wants her allowance. A nurse’s aide talks about how handsome her husband is, and how she thinks she’ll be able to seduce him. Casey hears her making progress.

Then a detective comes along. He suspects the accident was not an accident after all. Now Casey has memories of all her friends and wonders who would want to hurt her.

Eventually the book becomes like the old classic Rear Window. Casey knows who wants to kill her, even though they have everyone else completely fooled. She knows when that person is planning to do it. But she is absolutely powerless to stop them. Or is she?

I would love to say more, but I will settle for saying that I loved this book and found the ending thoroughly satisfying.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Fiction/still_life.html

Review of How to Ditch Your Fairy, by Justine Larbalestier

Fantasy, Humorous, Science Fiction, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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How to Ditch Your Fairy,
by Justine Larbalestier

Bloomsbury, 2008. 304 pages.
Starred Review.

Have you ever known someone who never gets in trouble no matter what they do? Or someone who’s never had any cavities? In the future society portrayed in Justine Larbalestier’s book, they have learned the source of such “luck” — fairies!

Charlie (Charlotte Adele Donna Seto Steele) explains her bad fortune in fairies:

“I have a parking fairy. I’m fourteen years old. I can’t drive. I don’t like cars and I have a parking fairy.

“Rochelle gets a clothes-shopping fairy and is always well attired; I get a parking fairy and always smell faintly of gasoline. How fair is that? I love clothes and shopping too. Yes, I have a fine family (except for my sister, ace photographer Nettles, and even she’s tolerable at sometimes) and yes, Rochelle’s family is malodorous. She does deserve some kind of compensation. But why couldn’t I have, I don’t know, a good-hair fairy? Or, not even that doos, a loose-change-finding fairy. Lots of people have that fairy. Rochelle’s dad, Sandra’s cousin, Mom’s best friend’s sister. I’d wholly settle for a loose-change fairy.”

Charlie is trying hard to get rid of her fairy. She figures if she walks everywhere and gives the fairy no chances to use its skills, maybe it will give up and leave her alone. She’s tired of people dragging her around in their cars so they will find a parking spot.

Unfortunately, her plan backfires in multiple ways, and she gets demerits and even a game suspension, which is a tragedy at New Avalon Sports High School. Then the cute guy who moved in nearby and seemed interested in her is falling prey to Fiorenze’s all-boys-will-like-you fairy. All the boys like Fiorenze, but all the girls hate her.

This book is wonderfully funny. I was distracted at first by the slang — mostly because at a writer’s conference a couple years ago I went to a session where the author and her husband Scott Westerfeld talked about creating believable slang. I had to admit she did a great job with it — almost too good, in that it drew my attention. Still, she achieved believable, memorable, and easy-to-figure out in-words that the characters used in so-cool (“doos”) New Avalon. I liked it that Stefan, the new kid, had to get used to the words, too. My favorite one was “pulchritudinous” or “pulchy” for unbelievably beautiful people.

All in all, it seems like a good explanation for some people’s “luck.” And a whole lot of fun to read about.

I should probably call this Fantasy because it involves fairies. But these fairies are simply a phenomenon in a future society that scientists have finally identified — so I think I’m going to call it Science Fiction.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/how_to_ditch_your_fairy.html

Review of The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, by M. T. Anderson

Audiobooks, Historical, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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The Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing
Traitor to the Nation
Volume I: The Pox Party
by M. T. Anderson
Read by Peter Francis James

Listening Library, 2007. Unabridged. 7 Compact Discs. 8 hours, 19 minutes.
National Book Award winner.
Starred Review.

I decided to listen to this book on CD so I would finally read it. I had given the book to my son the Christmas after it was first published and had been meaning to read it. Then the second volume recently did very well in School Library Journal’s Battle of the Books. So I decided to listen to the book on the way to work and back. (And now that I have a longer commute, this is a good way to get books “read.”)

Octavian Nothing is amazing in its scope. Beginning just before the start of the American Revolution, Octavian lives at the Novanglian College of Lucidity. His mother was once a princess in Africa, but now she and Octavian are the only inhabitants of the house who go by names instead of numbers.

Octavian is trained in music, science, philosophy, Latin, Greek, and French. But he comes to learn that this training is all part of an experiment — an experiment designed to show the mental capacities of people of African descent. He also learns that there are inconsistencies in the philosophy of men who are fighting for “freedom” while owning slaves.

This book is by no means cheery, light reading. But it is powerful and moving. M. T. Anderson beautifully writes the characters voices as they would have expressed themselves at that time. The narrator, Peter Francis James does a wonderful job of giving each character distinctive voices, so you can tell who is talking simply by listening. In Octavian’s mother’s voice, I heard someone regal and dignified. In Mr. Gitney, a precise scientist.

The story is truly astonishing. I will definitely be reading the next volume, and have only to decide whether to go with the print or audio version.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/octavian_nothing.html

Review of Tea Time for the Traditionally Built, by Alexander McCall Smith

Fiction Review, Light Reading, Mystery, Starred Review 0

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Tea Time for the Traditionally Built
by Alexander McCall Smith

Pantheon Books, New York, 2009. 212 pages.
Starred Review

This is now the tenth book in the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series. I love Alexander McCall Smith’s titles. Reading these books make me feel that I’ve been, as another title suggests, In the Company of Cheerful Ladies.

You can probably read these books happily without having read the books before, but why would you want to? In the latest installment, we finally learn the name of the younger apprentice, and Mma Ramotswe must come to terms (or not) with the demise of the tiny white van. The nefarious Violet Sephotho has designs on Mma Makutsi’s oblivious fiance. And the main case they deal with has them figuring out why a popular soccer team is losing. You would think that would be out of Mma Ramotswe’s element, but as usual she is good at getting to the heart of the matter.

As with the others, I love these books for their pleasant and wise observations on life, and the feeling that the characters are becoming my kind and insightful friends. Truly a delightful book.

“It was the same with life in general, thought Mma Ramotswe. If we worried away at troublesome issues, we often only ended up making things worse. It was far better to let things sort themselves out.”

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Fiction/tea_time.html

The Eternal Smile, by Gene Luen Yang and Derek Kirk Kim

Fantasy, Graphic Novel, Science Fiction, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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The Eternal Smile
Three Stories
by Gene Luen Yang
& Derek Kirk Kim

First Second, New York, 2009. 170 pages.
Starred Review.

It’s hard to decide how to classify this graphic novel, whether it’s fantasy or science fiction. Since the flavor is more bizarre, mind-tripping science fiction, that’s the primary category I’ll file it under.

The Eternal Smile tells three stories. I expected them to be linked, like American Born Chinese, but these were only related by a similar theme. All involved virtual reality and a person’s (or frog’s) deepest desires. They talked about the disconnect between reality and our dreams, yet how dreams do make us who we are. All three left me feeling thoughtful and meditative and satisfied.

I don’t think of myself as a graphic novel fan, but Gene Luen Yang and a few others are changing that. I thoroughly enjoyed this book.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/eternal_smile.html

Review of Walking with God, by John Eldredge

Christian, Musings, Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Starred Review, True Stories 0

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Walking with God

by John Eldredge

Thomas Nelson, 2008.  218 pages.

Starred review.

http://www.walkingwithgod.net/

The caption on the front of this book reads, “Talk to Him.  Hear from Him.  Really.”

When I was a young college student at Biola University, a popular book was Decision Making and the Will of God.  What I got out of this book was the idea that God didn’t care about the minute details of our lives.  You shouldn’t ask God what color shirt you should wear today or whether you should go to lunch early or late.  The book taught that God gives us moral guidelines in the Bible, and within those guidelines we can do what we want.  That God would be happy with either wonderful choice of a marriage partner, for example.

John Eldredge takes a different view.  He believes that we can share our daily lives with God, ask His counsel for large and small decisions, and accept His guidance.  Honestly, in the past few years as I’ve gone through the fire of being abandoned by my husband, God has been near to me like never before, and I’m finding He is indeed willing to come alongside and help and guide, as John Eldredge describes.  It was inspiring to read this account of someone who is trying to live his life, walking with God.

And the book takes more the form of a journal than of a manual.  John Eldredge takes the approach of describing his own walk with God so that we can see how it might look.

In the Introduction, he says:

“It is our deepest need, as human beings, to learn to live intimately with God.  It is what we were made for. . . .

“Really now, if you knew you had the opportunity to develop a conversational intimacy with the wisest, kindest, most generous and seasoned person in the world, wouldn’t it make sense to spend your time with that person, as opposed to, say, slogging your way through on your own?

“Whatever our situation in life — butcher, baker, candlestick maker — our deepest and most pressing need is to learn to walk with God.  To hear his voice.  To follow him intimately.  It is the most essential turn of events that could ever take place in the life of any human being, for it brings us back to the source of life.  Everything else we long for can then flow forth from this union.”

As the book begins, he describes why he believes intimacy with God is possible even today:

“Now, I know, I know — the prevailing belief is that God speaks to his people only through the Bible.  And let me make this clear: he does speak to us first and foremost through the Bible.  That is the basis for our relationship.  The Bible is the eternal and unchanging Word of God to us.  It is such a gift, to have right there in black and white God’s thoughts toward us.  We know right off the bat that any other supposed revelation from God that contradicts the Bible is not to be trusted.  So I am not minimizing in any way the authority of the Scripture or the fact that God speaks to us through the Bible.

“However, many Christians believe that God only speaks to us through the Bible.

“The irony of that belief is that’s not what the Bible says.

“The Bible is filled with stories of God talking to his people.  Abraham, who is called the friend of God, said, ‘The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native land and who spoke to me . . .’ (Genesis 24:7).  God spoke to Moses ‘as a man speaks with his friend’ (Exodus 33:11).  He spoke to Aaron too: ‘Now the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron about the Israelites’ (Exodus 6:13).  And David: ‘In the course of time, David inquired of the Lord.  “Shall I go up to one of the towns of Judah?” he asked.  The Lord said, “Go up.”  David asked, “Where shall I go?”  “To Hebron,” the Lord answered’ (2 Samuel 2:1).  The Lord spoke to Noah.  The Lord spoke to Gideon.  The Lord spoke to Samuel.  The list goes on and on.

“I can hear the objections even now:  ‘But that was different.  Those were special people called to special tasks.’  And we are not special people called to special tasks?  I refuse to believe that.  And I doubt that you want to believe it either, in your heart of hearts.

“But for the sake of argument, notice that God also speaks to ‘less important’ characters in the Bible.  God spoke to Hagar, the servant girl of Sarah, as she was running away. . . .  In the New Testament, God speaks to a man named Ananias who plays a small role in seven verses in Acts 9. . . .

“Now, if God doesn’t also speak to us, why would he have given us all these stories of him speaking to others?  ‘Look — here are hundreds of inspiring and hopeful stories about how God spoke to his people in this and that situation.  Isn’t it amazing?  But you can’t have that.  He doesn’t speak like that anymore.’  That makes no sense at all.  Why would God give you a book of exceptions?  This is how I used to relate to my people, but I don’t do that anymore.  What good would a book of exceptions do you?  That’s like giving you the owner’s manual for a Dodge even though you drive a Mitsubishi.  No, the Bible is a book of examples of what it looks like to walk with God.”

Here is another book of examples, exploring the question of what it looks like to walk with God in today’s world.  There’s food for thought, and there’s inspiration and encouragement.

God, what is the life you want me to live?

Buy from Amazon.com

Review of Thirteenth Child, by Patricia C. Wrede

Fantasy, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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Thirteenth Child

Frontier Magic, Book One

by Patricia C. Wrede

Scholastic Press, New York, 2009.  344 pages.

Starred review.

I’m a huge fan of Patricia C. Wrede’s books, particularly the Enchanted Forest Chronicles and Sorcery and Cecilia.  So when I heard she had written a new book, I snapped it up.

The book intrigued me from the beginning.  You’ll quickly understand why I simply HAD to tell my sister Melanie — the thirteenth child in our family — about it, as well as my brother Robert, who is the seventh son of the seventh son.  Here’s the first page:

“Everybody knows that a seventh son is lucky.  Things come a little easier to him, all his life long:  love and money and fine weather and the unexpected turn that brings good fortune from bad circumstances.  A lot of seventh sons go for magicians, because if there’s one sort of work where luck is more useful than any other, it’s making magic.

“And everybody knows that the seventh son of a seventh son is a natural-born magician.  A double-seven doesn’t even need schooling to start working spells, though the magic comes on faster and safer if he gets some.  When he’s grown and come into his power for true and all, he can even do the Major Spells on his own, the ones that can call up a storm or quiet one, move the earth or still it, anger the ocean or calm it to glassy smoothness.  People are real nice to a double-seventh son.

“Nobody seems to think much about all the other sons, or the daughters.  There’s nearly always daughters, because hardly anybody has seven sons right in a row, boom, like that.  Sometimes there are so many daughters that people give up trying for seven sons.  After all, there’s plenty enough work in raising eleven or twelve childings, and a thirteenth child — son or daughter — is unlucky.  So everybody says.

“Papa and Mama didn’t pay much attention to what everybody says, I guess, because there are fourteen of us.  Lan is the youngest, a double-seven, and he’s half the reason we moved away from Helvan Shores when I was five.  The other half of the reason was me. 

“I’m Eff — the seventh daughter.  Lan’s twin . . .

“. . . and a thirteenth child.”

Thirteenth Child is set in an alternate reality Old West, where dangerous magical creatures are kept at bay from frontier settlements by magicians at each settlement.  Eff’s father is a skilled magician who goes out west to teach at a college that trains such magicians.

Eff must come to terms with her own supposed bad luck, afraid of what she might do if she lets her magic loose.

This book reminded me of Robin McKinley’s Dragonhaven.  Both are set in an alternate reality with wilderness and magical creatures.  Both involve the protagonist growing up over a long passage of years.  The focus in Thirteenth Child is more on building an intriguing magical world than on the plot itself.

I was delighted to read about a fictional family as big as the one I grew up in, so I was a little disappointed not to get much of the chaotic flavor of such a family.  (Though I think housekeeping is much much easier when you get to use spells to do the work.)  Although the plot was not terribly gripping, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time in this world.  I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know Eff as she explored different ways of doing magic and what it means to be a Columbian (American) magician.

There is something of a climax at the end, where Eff plays an important part, but even she doesn’t like the attention she gets from it.  She’s still an adolescent helping adult magicians, not really having come into her own yet.  However, I’m encouraged that this is already described as “Book One.”  Patricia C. Wrede has laid a many-layered foundation for a bigger story, which I think is going to be exciting and compelling.

I only hope I don’t have to wait very long for Book Two!

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/thirteenth_child.html

Review of The Queen of Attolia audiobook, by Megan Whalen Turner

Adventure, Audiobooks, Fantasy, Historical, Stand-outs, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 0

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The Queen of Attolia

by Megan Whalen Turner

performed by Jeff Woodman

Recorded Books, 2007.  8 CDs.  9 hours.

Starred Review
Sonderbooks Stand-out 2010: Wonderful Rereads

This is approximately the fourth time I’ve read The Queen of Attolia, and like the rest of the books in the series, I like it better every time.  With its beautifully orchestrated touch of romance, this is my favorite of Megan Whalen Turner’s books, and indeed one of my favorite books of all time.

Jeff Woodman does an excellent job of bringing the book to life.  The advantage to listening the book instead of reading it was that I was forced not to gobble the whole thing down in one night, and got to draw out the experience.  The disadvantage was that I was very unhappy to arrive at work each morning while I was listening to it.  Of course, this was the perfect audiobook to be listening to just after moving.  My new commute is quite a bit longer than I thought it was going to be — but because it gave me more time to spend with Eugenides, I was glad!

Megan Whalen Turner creates rich and complex characters.  This book more thoroughly explores the character and background of the Queen of Attolia, and we learn that her apparent ruthlessness has reasons behind it.  We find ourselves actually liking someone who seems capable of atrocities. — Is that not the work of a master author?

I also love the way Megan Whalen Turner explores the question of why God (only in the book it is gods she invented) allows bad things to happen.  Eugenides has a Job-like moment that gives Eugenides — and the reader — a perspective on how God transcends human comprehension, but also works for our good, even when we don’t understand.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/queen_of_attolia_audio.html