Sonderling Sunday – Escaping the Wormbeards

It’s time for Sonderling Sunday! That time of the week when I play with language by looking at the German translation of children’s books. Tonight I’m going to again look at Der Orden der Seltsamen Sonderlinge, The Order of Odd-Fish by James Kennedy.

Last time, we left off on page 195 in the English version, and Seite 247 auf Deutsch. Jo is in a tight spot, surrounded by Wormbeards (Wurmbärte).

Oh, it starts right off with a nice one:
“deafening roar” = ohrenbetäubendes Brüllen
(“ears-numbing bellow”)

“and a powerful force knocked everyone on their backs”
= und eine ungeheuerliche Kraft schleuderte alle zu Boden, wo sie rücklings landeten
(“and a monstrous force hurled all to the ground, where they backwards landed”)

“heightening howls” = gellenden Heulen

“tossed around” = herumgeschleudert

Fun to say:
“paper dolls” = Papierpuppen

“barking and shrieking” = kläfften und heulen

“fences and walls” = Zäune und Wände

“to throw off the lizard-dogs” = um die Echsenhunde abzuschütteln

“A lizard-dog’s jaw nipped at her thigh” = Ein Echsenhund schnappte nach ihrer Wade

“East Squeamings” = Ost-Heikel (“East Squeamish”)

Interesting. In the fish market, the translator translated “squishy blobs” with one word: Quallen, which means “jellyfish.” That’s probably what they were?

“slimy stones” = glitschigen Steinen

“crashing through the stalls” = durch die Buden krachten

“reckless glee” = rücksichtslosem Eifer

“hissing smoke” = zischte und qualmte (“hisses and smokes”)

“swinging clubs” = Knüppel swingend

“surrounded” = umzingelt

“whirled and yanked” = herumgewirbelt und herumgezerrt

“roiling crowd” = keuchende Menge (“coughing mass”)

I like that there’s a word for this:
“mask of scabs” = Schuppenmaske

“riot” = Aufruhr

“cobbled” = gepflasterte

“half-assembled” = zerlegte (Google translates this word as “decomposed.”)

This is fun:
“Woo!” = Juhu!

“a gargantuan, flapping, snorting, screeching bird” = ein riesiger flatternder, schnaubender, kreischender Vogel

“got up” = aufgerappelt

“unreliable weapons” = unzuverlässigen Waffen

“cheeky” = hinterhältig (“underhanded”)

“lost causes” = aussichtlose Aufgaben

And, with lost causes, we wrap up Chapter Fifteen! Juhu!

Now you know that many more useful phrases in German! You know just what to say if you see someone with a Schuppenmaske or you’re in a situation where you need um die Echsenhunde abzuschütteln.

Review of The Mystery of Meerkat Hill, by Alexander McCall Smith

The Mystery of Meerkat Hill
A Precious Ramotswe Mystery for Young Readers

by Alexander McCall Smith
read by Adjoa Andoh

Listening Library, 2013. 1 hour on 1 CD.

The Mystery of Meerkat Hill is a second mystery about the heroine of The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency when she was a little girl. The book form is a short chapter book with illustrations, perfect for kids ready to start on chapter books. The audio form has rich African accents, and is a delight to listen to.

Precious already has her trademark matter-of-fact approach to life. In this story, she makes some new friends who have a meerkat as a pet. Later, the friends lose their cow. Precious helps them track the cow and figures out a clever way to show it is theirs.

You’ve got a mystery, lots of animals, and a story set among kids living in another country. I’m excited to be able to offer this to kids, and the CD makes a wonderful family listening experience as well.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Childrens_Fiction/meerkat_hill.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Please use the comments if you’ve read the book and want to discuss spoilers!

Review of Fire in the Ashes, by Jonathan Kozol

Fire in the Ashes

Twenty-Five Years Among the Poorest Children in America

by Jonathan Kozol

Crown Publishers, New York, 2012. 354 pages.
Starred Review

This book is made up of stories — stories about some of the poorest children in America, but children whom Jonathan Kozol has known and cared about for twenty-five years. So we get to see them rise into adulthood. Some of them do not go on to productive lives, but most of them do, and the readers rejoice with Jonathan.

He begins the book with a note to the Reader, which begins like this:

Over the course of many years I have been talking with a group of children in one of the poorest urban neighborhoods of the United States and have written several books about them and their families. Readers ask me frequently today if I’ve kept in contact with the children and if I know how many have prevailed against the obstacles they faced and, in those cases, how they managed to survive and how they kept their spirits strong amidst the tough conditions that surrounded them.

It has not been difficult to keep in contact with most of these children because so many of them, as they have grown older, have come to be among my closest friends. They call me on the phone. They send me texts and e-mails. We get together with each other when we can.

The stories that follow are stories of particular children. But these stories put faces to poverty. They make us care. I can’t think of a better way to raise concern for problems in urban America than to get us to care about the children and families growing up there.

Sometimes life is more astonishing than fiction, and more inspiring, too. Even if you don’t want your awareness of issues raised, this book is worth reading for the stories alone. You will care about the wonderful people he features and follows into adulthood.

JonathanKozol.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/fire_in_the_ashes.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Sophie’s Squash, by Pat Zietlow Miller and Anne Wilsdorf

Sophie’s Squash

by Pat Zietlow Miller
illustrated by Anne Wilsdorf

Schwartz & Wade Books, New York, 2013. 36 pages.
Starred Review

Something about this quirky book completely won my heart. I mean, how could the author think of this? Turns out, it’s based on something her own daughter did – which makes sense, since no one could make this up. Thanks to Travis Jonker from 100 Scope Notes for bringing it to my attention!

Here’s how the book begins:

One bright fall day, Sophie chose a squash at the farmer’s market. Her parents planned to serve it for supper, but Sophie had other ideas.

It was just the right size to hold in her arms.
Just the right size to bounce on her knee.
Just the right size to love.
“I’m glad we met,” Sophie whispered. “Good friends are hard to find.”

At home, Sophie used markers to give her squash a face. Then she wrapped it in a blanket and rocked it to sleep.

When it was time to make supper, Sophie’s mother looked at the squash. She looked at Sophie.
“I call her Bernice,” Sophie said.
“I’ll call for a pizza,” said her mother.

From there, Sophie has an always-happy companion.

But this book is much more realistic than some others like Arnie the Doughnut. I love the portrayal of Sophie’s parents, with lines like, “Well, we did hope she’d love vegetables.” And “Why don’t we donate Bernice to the food pantry before she rots?”

Before long, Sophie’s father calls Bernice “a little blotchy,” but Sophie insists she only has freckles. Finally, Sophie takes Bernice to the farmer’s market to cheer her up and gets advice from a farmer. She makes Bernice a bed of soft soil for the winter – and there is the happiest of endings when Sophie discovers Bernice’s children and gets two new friends who are just the right size to love.

The pictures in this book are perfect. Imaginative Sophie with her perky pigtails goes through all the emotions of love and loss and new discovery.

This absolutely charming book is a completely new take on the classic story of Two Best Friends.

patzietlowmiller.com
randomhouse.com/kids

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Picture_Books/sophies_squash.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Sense & Sensibility, by Joanna Trollope

Sense & Sensibility

by Joanna Trollope

Harper, 2013. 362 pages.
Starred Review

Sense & Sensibility, by Joanna Trollope, is simply a modern retelling of Jane Austen’s Sense & Sensibility. You come away from it feeling like this is exactly how Jane Austen would have written it if she were writing today. There are no gimmicks. And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love the gimmicks — like a science fiction retelling of Persuasion. But this is the same story told in modern times.

And I loved it! Sense and Sensibility is not one of my favorite Austen books, but even knowing what would happen, this one kept me up reading all through the night. A little thing that bugged me in Jane Austen’s version — that Marianne is so fragile she gets sick if she gets wet — was nicely explained by Marianne’s asthma, which is what killed their father.

I don’t have to tell you the plot, because this is really for people who’ve already read Jane Austen’s version. Joanna Trollope did a magnificent job of modernizing it to today’s situations and sensibilities.

As I write this review, I looked at the website mentioned on the flap, theaustenproject.com, and I learn that this is the first of Jane Austen’s six novels to be rewritten. I’m not sure how I will feel when they start tackling my favorites, like Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion, but this first one is so excellent, that bodes well for the rest of the series.

joannatrollope.com
theaustenproject.com
harpercollins.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Fiction/sense_and_sensibility.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Please use the comments if you’ve read the book and want to discuss spoilers!

Review of Frogged, by Vivian Vande Velde

Frogged

by Vivian Vande Velde

Harcourt Children’s Books, Boston, 2013. 198 pages.

This is one of Vivian Vande Velde’s more light-hearted works, for younger readers. When Princess Imogene meets a talking frog, he claims to be a prince who will gain his true form if she kisses him. Imogene wants to do what a good princess should do, so she kisses the frog. The frog does turn back into a boy (though not a prince), but the spell transfers to Imogene, and she becomes a frog. What’s more, she’s stuck as a frog until she can find someone to kiss her and take the spell. But what kind of princess would do such a thing to someone else?

Imogene figures she can find someone who will take her back to her parents, and they can figure out a solution. But instead, she falls into the hands of some traveling performers who plan to make money with a talking frog. In the misadventures that follow, Imogene wonders if she will ever get home again, and if she will ever be a princess again.

This book is simply fun, with a heroine who started out feeling burdened by expectations to be a good princess, but who ends up just being thankful to be herself.

vivianvandevelde.com
hmhbooks.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Childrens_Fiction/frogged.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Please use the comments if you’ve read the book and want to discuss spoilers!

Review of What the Heart Knows, by Joyce Sidman, illustrations by Pamela Zagarenski

What the Heart Knows

Chants, Charms & Blessings

by Joyce Sidman
illustrations by Pamela Zagarenski

Houghton Mifflin Books for Children, 2013. 65 pages.
Starred Review

What the Heart Knows is a book of poems by an illustrious poet, who has already won Newbery Honor, and with illustrations by a distinguished artist, who has already won Caldecott Honor.

My library has this book categorized as for young adults, but the poems can be enjoyed by old adults as well. Indeed, what makes it most a book of poetry for children is that a children’s book writer and a children’s book illustrator created it. Most of the poems are universal, and the dreamy, surreal pictures can be appreciated by anyone.

The four sections of the book are “Chants & Charms – to bolster courage and guard against evil,” “Spells & Invocations – to cause something to happen,” “Laments & Remembrances – to remember, regret, or grieve,” and “Praise Songs & Blessings – to celebrate, thank, or express love.” A “Note to the Reader” at the front of the book explains why this theme was chosen:

We speak to send messages to the world. We chant for what we want, bless what we like, lament what we’ve lost. When angry, we curse; when in love, we sing.

We have always done this. Since earliest human history, we have used language to try to influence the world around us….

We may no longer believe that words can make crops grow, prevent illness, or keep rivers from flooding. But we still believe in the power of the words themselves. Why else would we pray, sing, or write? Finding phrases to match the emotion inside us still brings an explosive, soaring joy.

I wrote these poems for comfort, for understanding, for hope: to remind myself of things I keep learning and forgetting and learning again. They’re about repairing friendship, slowing down time, understanding happiness, facing the worst kind of loss. They are words to speak in the face of loneliness, fear, delight, or confusion.

I hope they work for you. I hope you’re inspired to write some of your own – and chant them, in your own voice.

This book is full of images for abstract things. “Come Happiness” sees happiness as a raindrop or a heartbeat or a breeze. “Time Spells” suggests that time you want to slow down “stretch like a sleepy dog, slow and languid and warm with flickering light.”

I like “Chant Against the Dark,” though I wouldn’t want to suggest it to a very young child. This stanza, for example, might give them ideas, making things worse:

Don’t come close, dark.
Don’t breathe on me.
When the lamp clicks off,
don’t creak and shift
like some wild-eyed horse
waiting for its rider.

But for an older reader? Beautiful!

Some others I love are “Chant to Repair a Friendship”:

Come, friend, forgive the past;
I was wrong and I am grieving.

,

“Sleep Charm”:

One by one, those cares will drop
from you like stones
into deep water.
Slip from your dayskin
and swim, shimmering,
into the dream beyond the dream.

,

“How to Find a Poem”:

Wake with a dream-filled head

,

“Invitation to Lost Things”:

Come out, come out
from your hidden places,
hair clips, homework, phones.

,

“Blessing on the Smell of Dog”:

May his scent seep through
perfumed shampoos
like the rich tang of mud in spring.”

,

“Teacher”:

I loved how I hated numbers, had always
hated them, would continue to hate them
until I saw them sprout from your hands.

,

“Silly Love Song”

If you are the Maserati,
then I am the oil change.

,

and “I Find Peace”:

I find peace in the lazy doze of Saturdays
and in the beat of a pounding run.

The ones most perfect for teens are “Lament for Teddy”:

Where is the one
whose mute love followed me
all the days of my life?
The one I boxed up and packed away?
The one I thought I didn’t need?
The one I felt / I had outgrown?

,

“Where Is My Body?”:

Where is my body?
The one I’m used to,
slim and ordinary as a twig?…

Where is the body
that housed an
Olympic gymnast,
sumo wrestler,
pirate,
dancer;
all waiting, poised
in endless possibility?

When did I grow
awkward, lumpish,
a stranger in my own skin —
each day revealing
some fresh freakishness?

,

and “Lament for My Old Life”

I hated to leave that house,
fought it tooth and nail.

.

Here is poetry that will make you think and will help you look at the world differently. Perhaps it will motivate you to put your wishes into words.

joycesidman.com
sacredbee.com
hmhbooks.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Childrens_Nonfiction/what_the_heart_knows.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Pascal’s Triangle Shawl to Row 10

Hooray! I’ve knitted my Pascal’s Triangle Shawl all the way to the 10th row!

Now, it’s not finished — I’m going up to 15 — but I can’t resist explaining it already. I think it is SO COOL! And even more patterns are going to pop out as I continue.

My mathematical knitting began with my Prime Factorization Sweater, done in intarsia, with Tahki’s Cotton Classic yarn. It shows the prime factorization of all the numbers from 2 to 100, using a different color for each prime, with 1, the background color, in white.

Later when the internet discovered my sweater, I made a Café Press Prime Factorization T-shirt so anyone can have the color-coded prime factorization of the numbers from 2 to 100.

Now, the trouble with intarsia, is you have to carry all the colors you use in any given row along the back of the sweater. And there are about a million ends to sew in at the end. But a couple years ago, I got a hankering to do something like this again, and it occurred to me that if I used stripes, I could deal with one color at a time. I made a reversible Prime Factorization Scarf, where the thickness of the stripes tells you how many times a factor occurs. It also uses a different color for each prime. This time 1 is black, and there is a black stripe between each successive number. Within each number, there is a two-row stripe for each factor. This is done in Plymouth Encore yarn.

Then my brother, even more mathematically minded than me (if you can believe that!) was going to become a father. His daughter needed a prime factorization blanket! And it occurred to me that it would be far easier to knit the design in Intrelac, using rows of diamonds. I went back to the nice soft Cotton Classic yarn, and white as 1, to be bright for the baby. I used garter rows to show how many factors of each color.

The Prime Factorization Blanket turned out fantastic! But the horrible part was giving it away.

I got to thinking. Intrelac naturally falls into a triangle shape. I instantly thought of something mathematical in the shape of a triangle — Pascal’s Triangle! And I have a special fondness for Pascal’s Triangle, having won a Chalk Talk competition on the Binomial Theorem at a Math Field Day when I was a junior in high school. The numbers in Pascal’s Triangle are the Binomial Coefficients from the Binomial Theorem.

And — here’s where I started getting excited — I knew that there are some fascinating patterns in Pascal’s Triangle. Why not show the prime factorization of each number in the triangle? That would show some of the patterns.

So I began my Pascal’s Triangle Shawl. The first thing I noticed when sketching it out is very cool. Even though the numbers in the middle of the triangle get hugely big quite quickly, they never have any prime factors bigger than the number on the end of the row. So if I take the shawl to row 15, I will only need colors for 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, and 13. To show the prime factorization this way (the same as the blanket), I’ll use 12 x 12 squares, using garter stitch rows to show the factors, with smooth stockinette stitch between factors.

The numbers in Pascal’s Triangle can be calculated two ways. The first way, each number is just the sum of the two numbers above it. Starting with 1.

So the 0th row is 1.

The 1st row is 1 1.

The 2nd row is 1 2 1. We get the 2 by adding the 1 and 1 above it.

The 3rd row is 1 3 3 1.

The 4th row is 1 4 6 4 1.

The 5th row is 1 5 10 10 5 1

The 6th row is 1 6 15 20 15 6 1.

And so on. In the blanket, you can figure out what number each color represents by looking on the edges.

Here it is again:

You can see that I’ve used white for 1. 2 is blue. 3 is yellow. 5 is red. 7 is purple.

You can’t see the garter stitch rows too clearly in that picture, so here’s a close-up of a section:

If you look at the numbers on the bottom edge, 5 is the solid red diamond. Then 6 is next to it, 3 x 2, yellow and blue. Then comes 7, purple. Then 8, which is 2 x 2 x 2, so it’s three sections of blue. Then going out of the picture will be 9 = 3 x 3, so two sections of yellow.

In the center of the shawl, the cool thing is that every diamond represents the sum of the two diamonds that touch its lower edges. See the red and yellow diamond? That would be 5 x 3 = 15. It is the sum of the two diamonds touching its lower edges, which are 10 = 5 x 2 (red and blue) and 5 (red).

Here’s another detailed view, but this time I’ve written in the numbers:

In that picture, see how each number is the sum of the two diamonds below it?

And see how the factorization works? 70, for example, is 7 x 5 x 2, so the colors are purple, red, and blue. 126 = 7 x 3 x 3 x 2, so the colors are purple, two sets of yellow, and blue.

Okay, there are two very cool patterns that I’ve already noticed from looking at the shawl.

First, whenever you’re on a prime row (with a prime on both ends), ALL of the numbers in that row will have the prime as a factor. See how every number in the 3rd row has some yellow? And every number in the 5th row has some red? And every number in the 7th row has some purple?

The reason for that involves the second way you can build Pascal’s Triangle. The rth number in the nth row is the Combination nCr, the number of ways of forming subsets of size r from a set of size n.

Okay, if I’ve just lost everyone, I’ll use examples. The 3rd number in the 5th row can be calculated as 5x4x3/3x2x1 (= 60/6 = 10). The 2nd number in the 7th row is 7×6/2×1 = 42/2 = 21. The 4th number in the 10th row is 10x9x8x7/4x3x2x1 = 10x3x7 = 210. (You always have r factors in the denominator, starting from r and going down 1 each. We call that r! or r factorial. On top, you also have r factors, but they start with n.)

If n is a prime number, all the numbers in that row of Pascal’s Triangle will have n as a factor, and there’s no way it will cancel out with anything in the denominator (except on the very ends when you have 1).

But all that you will notice in the shawl is the color popping up, and you don’t even have to know why. In fact, I planned the shawl by figuring out the sums, and I’d forgotten about the combinations. So I was delighted when I saw that prime factors consistently show up in all prime rows. And then I remembered why.

The second beautiful pattern is related to the sums. The shawl nicely shows the distributive law. If two diamonds next to each other have a factor the same, the diamond above them which they both touch will have the same factor. That’s because ca + cb = c(a + b).

For example, 21 + 35 = 56
and 7×3 + 7×5 = 7(3 + 5) = 7×8

When you combine those two patterns, we’ve got some inverse triangles. Look at the big picture again:

Now focus on the diamonds with red in them. (Red is 5.)

On the row with 5 on the ends, 1 5 10 10 5 1, every number (except the 1s) has red in it. Well, by the distributive law, every number in the next row that touches two of these will have red in it. Those are the three middle numbers on the next row, 15 20 15. The next row will have red wherever it touches two of those, 35 and 35. And finally, we’ll have red in the diamond that touches those two, 70.

The same inverse triangle is going to happen with 7 and purple.

And today I started knitting the 11th row, using pink for 11. So fun! 🙂

Now, I must admit, I’m not particularly pleased with the overall look. The colors looked better in the blanket with rows of white between them. In the shawl, they’re all mashed together and it’s a little bit much with such bright colors. So when I finish this one, I’m planning to make a new one with more subtle differences. I found a wool yarn, Northampton from yarn.com, that has enough slightly different shades of purple. So I’ll be using these colors.

(I still have one more color on order, because the first one I ordered didn’t really go with these.)

The second shawl won’t be quite as good for explaining Pascal’s Triangle, but I think it will be much prettier! I will have to discipline myself to finish the first one before I start it. (I can solve that, I suppose, by using the same needles.)

So there you have it! Pascal’s Triangle knitted into a shawl! I will definitely post again when I finish it!

My posts on Mathematical Knitting and related topics are now gathered at Sonderknitting.

Review of Living and Loving After Betrayal, by Steven Stosny

Living and Loving After Betrayal

How to Heal from Emotional Abuse, Deceit, Infidelity, and Chronic Resentment

by Steven Stosny, PhD

New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA, 2013. 235 pages.
Starred Review

Steven Stosny’s books helped me tremendously after my husband left me, particularly You Don’t Have to Take It Any More, which was retitled Love Without Hurt. I also went to his Compassion Power Boot Camp after I moved to Virginia, and it helped tremendously in my healing.

However, those materials were designed to help someone when in the middle of an abusive relationship. Now that my divorce is final, I have no more contact with my ex-husband.

So I was delighted when I heard about Steven Stosny’s latest book, Living and Loving After Betrayal. It uses his powerful approach of self-compassion to help you heal after betrayal and be ready to love again — whether getting back together with your spouse or someone else.

Now, I’ve come a long way since my husband left me. But these are wonderful reminders of how to stay healthy. Just this morning, I woke up from a dream about my ex-husband that made me feel rejected all over again. I turned to Steven Stosny’s methods, reminding myself of my core value, and didn’t get sunk in feeling bad all day.

What’s more, if I ever dare to get in a new relationship, I am glad to have this wise advice about avoiding a potential betrayer, and learning to trust again. And reading this also makes me less afraid to start a new relationship.

As with his other books, the crux of Steven Stosny’s healing techniques is self-compassion, and focusing on your own core value.

He doesn’t focus on what happened, but more on how to heal. However, he does understand that betrayal is hard to overcome.

Whether it crashes upon you in revelation or seeps into consciousness via delayed realization, intimate betrayal snatches the floor of personal security from under you. Most of my clients describe the initial aftermath of revelation and realization as a kind of free fall, with no bottom in sight. Shock and disbelief are punctuated by waves of cruel self-doubt:

Was I attractive enough, smart enough, successful enough, interesting enough, present, attentive, caring, patient, or sacrificing enough?

He shows you how to use your emotional pain to help yourself to heal, improve, repair and grow.

Self-compassion is a sympathetic response to your hurt, distress, or vulnerability, with a motivation to heal, repair, and improve. It brings a sense of empowerment — a feeling that you can do something to make your life better, even if you are not sure what that might be at the moment. It tends to keep you focused on solutions in the present and future.

Self-criticism is blaming yourself for your hurt, distress, or vulnerability, usually with a measure of punishment or contempt. It’s based on the mistaken idea that if you punish yourself enough you won’t make similar mistakes in the future, when just the opposite is true — self-punishment leads to more mistakes. (Who is more likely to make more mistakes, the valued self or the devalued self?) Self-pity is focus on your pain or damage with no motivation to heal, repair, or improve. It has an element of contempt for your perceived incompetence or inadequacy because it assumes that you can’t do anything to make your life better. Needless to say, self-criticism and self-pity turn pain into suffering.

One of the problems after betrayal involves post-traumatic stress and obsessive thoughts. This book shows you how to recondition your brain with restorative images whenever painful thoughts surface. I was able to use those techniques this morning after waking up from a dream about my ex-husband. They work!

Steven Stosny explains that the key to healing and growth is your core value.

Core value grows out of the uniquely human drive to create value — to make people, things, and ideas important enough to appreciate, nurture, and protect. Consistently acting on the drive to create value provides a sense of meaning and purpose in life. This chapter and the next will help develop your core value as a general means of healing and growth. Although a highly developed core value won’t make you forget your betrayal, it will definitely make all that you have suffered less important in your life as a whole. The past can no longer control us, once it is overshadowed by the deeply human drive to create value and give our lives meaning.

He finishes the book with tips about getting into a relationship again, whether with your betrayer or someone new. Here’s hoping I will have a reason to look at those tips again! Reading this book made that idea seem much less impossible. Here’s to healing!

Steven Stosny’s blog, Anger in the Age of Entitlement
compassionpower.com
newharbinger.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/living_and_loving_after_betrayal.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Maude, The Not-So-Noticeable Shrimpton, by Lauren Child and Trisha Krauss

Maude

The Not-So-Noticeable Shrimpton

by Lauren Child
illustrated by Trisha Krauss

Candlewick Press, 2013. First published in the United Kingdom in 2012. 32 pages.
Starred Review

Maude Shrimpton is part of a family who loves to be noticed. Each member of the Shrimpton family is “so talented, so eccentric, so larger than life . . . you just couldn’t miss them even if you wanted to.”

Well, each member — except Maude.

In all the pictures, Maude’s clothes blend in with whatever she’s standing in front of. (These are positively brilliant!) “When Maude crossed the street, she had to dodge cars.” We see her dress striped exactly like the crosswalk. “She moved so inconspicuously that when she performed in her school play, people thought she was part of the scenery.”

When Maude’s birthday approaches, all she wants, all she asks for, is a goldfish.

Her family, however, seizes on the “gold” part of that word — and gets her a tiger. They love strolling along the boulevard with a giant cat, making everyone stare.

However, when they run out of tiger food, well, it becomes apparent that “Sometimes, just sometimes, not being noticeable is the very best talent of all.”

Let’s just say that I will be posting this book on my “Someone Gets Eaten” Pinterest Board. (Why are picture books where someone gets eaten just so much fun?) I’m trying to decide if it’s too brutal for storytime, but I think I can get away with it at the family storytime. Any violence is off-page, and, after all, there’s that great message that sometimes it’s a good thing to be inconspicuous!

And it’s all magnificently carried out and just plain fun.

candlewick.com

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Picture_Books/maude.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I maintain my website and blogs on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.