2011 Comment Challenge

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Hooray! Mother Reader is again hosting a Comment Challenge, along with Lee Wind. Here’s the challenge: within 21 days, post 100 comments on other blogs. It’s a lot of fun, and gets you roaming around the kidlitosphere supporting other blogs and letting people know they’re being heard.

One catch for me: WordPress recently ate all the comments on my blog, for some unknown reason. So I’m going to test and try to put a comment on my own blog and see if it works. If it doesn’t, I’ll know not to expect anyone’s comments. Also, people who have commented before may be asked to register afresh. We shall see. But I will be out there posting comments.

Note: Sure enough, something’s wrong. It may be related to the fact that I haven’t yet upgraded my blog to WordPress 3.0.4. Not sure I want to try that until I have plenty of time to mess with it, though. Perhaps this weekend.

Update: I tried upgrading, and it actually went much much more smoothly than earlier updates, and didn’t take much time at all. However, it didn’t fix the comments. I tried deactivating and activating Akismet. No change. I tried changing my comment settings. No change. It sees the comment, but sends me an e-mail to approve a blank comment, and doesn’t acknowledge that it exists. Very frustrating during the Comment Challenge! Someone has reported this problem on the WordPress Forum, so I’ll keep checking back.

So don’t bother trying to comment on this blog until further notice!

Further notice: It works! All the comments are back! Hooray!

Review of The Story of Stuff, by Annie Leonard

Current Issues, Nonfiction Review, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Story of Stuff

How Our Obsession with Stuff is Trashing the Planet, Our Communities, and Our Health
— And a Vision for Change

by Annie Leonard

Free Press, New York, 2010. 317 pages.
Starred Review
2010 Sonderbooks Stand-out: Other Nonfiction #6

When I checked out this book, my teenage son told me that he had seen the internet video it’s based on, and that was why he had stopped drinking bottled water, and had started drinking tap water from a glass. I was impressed that it would make that much difference.

And I hope it will make some differences in my life, too. This is an eye-opening book that tells the truth behind all our stuff.

Annie Leonard started by studying garbage — being an activist against toxic waste. But eventually, she learned that there’s a bigger system involved. In this book, she takes us through the entire life cycle of Stuff — Extraction, Production, Distribution, Consumption, and Disposal. She shows us problems — and solutions — every step of the way.

She talks about how she became a systems thinker:

“Everywhere I went, I kept asking ‘why?’ and digging deeper and deeper. Why were dumps so hazardous? Because of the toxics in the trash. And why were there toxics in the trashed products to begin with? Answering that question led me to learn about toxics, chemistry, and environmental health. Why were dumps so often situated in lower-income communities where people of color live and work? I started learning about environmental racism.

“And why does it make economic sense to move entire factories to other countries: how can they still sell the product for a couple dollars when it’s traveling so far? Suddenly I had to confront international trade agreements and the influence of corporations on governmental regulations.

“And another thing: why are electronics breaking so fast and why are they cheaper to replace than repair? So I learned about planned obsolescence, advertising, and other tools for promoting consumerism. On the surface, each of these topics seemed separate from the next, unconnected, and a long way from those piles of garbage on the streets of New York City or the forests of the Cascades. But it turns out they’re all connected.”

She makes many insightful points about our national goals:

“A big part of the problem we face today is that our dominant economic system values growth as a goal unto itself, above all else. That’s why we use the gross domestic product, or GDP, as the standard measure of success. It counts the value of goods and services made in a country each year. But it leaves out some really important facets of reality. For starters, GDP doesn’t account for the unequal and unfair distribution of wealth or look at how healthy, satisfied or fulfilled people are….

“Another huge problem with how the GDP is calculated is that the true ecological and social costs of the growth are not accounted for. Industries are usually permitted (both in the sense of being given permits by government as well as generally not being held accountable) to ‘externalize costs,’ which is a fancy phrase economists use to describe the fact that, while companies are busy producingb and selling widgets, they’re not paying for, or even tracking, the side-effects they cause, like contaminating groundwater, exposing communities to carcinogens, or polluting the air.

“This is totally messed up: while on the plus side, GDP counts activities that cause pollution and cancer (such as factories making pesticides or polyvinyl chloride) as well as activities to clean up that pollution and treat the cancer (such as environmental remediation and medical care), there is no deduction in the GDP for the pollution released into the air or water or the loss of a forest….

“For the powers that be — the heads of government and industry — the undisputed goal of our economy is a steady improvement in the GDP, aka growth. Growth as a goal has supplanted the real goals, the things growth was supposed to help us achieve. What I and many others have come to see — and as I hope this book makes abundantly clear — is that too often, as a strategy, focusing on growth for growth’s sake undermines the real goals. Too much of what gets counted toward ‘growth’ today — tons of toxic consumer goods, for example — undermines our net safety, health, and happiness.”

This is a fascinating, well-thought-out, eye-opening look at the systems that keep us taking, making, selling, using, and trashing Stuff. The author says at the end of the introduction:

“My goal with this book (and the film upon which it’s based) is to unpack the Story of Stuff — the flow of materials through the economy — as simply as possible. My aim is never to make you feel guilty (unless you are the head of Chevron, Dow Chemical, Disney, Fox News, Halliburton, McDonald’s, Shell, or the World Bank); it should be clear that the fundamental problem I identify here is not individual behavior and poor lifestyle choices, but the broken system — the deadly take-make-waste machine. I hope reading the Story helps inspire you to share information with people in your life about issues like toxics in cosmetics, the problems with incineration and recycling, and the flaws in the IMF’s economic policies….

“In the face of so many tough challenges, there are many exciting and hopeful developments that I celebrate in these pages and that I see as steps toward a truly sustainable ecological – economic system. Above all, I invite the citizen in you to become louder than the consumer inside you and launch a very rich, very loud dialogue within your community.”

You get the idea. I believe this is an important book, which can change your thinking and help you see the truth behind the stuff you buy. Think of this as a book to show you the truth and therefore help you make better choices.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/story_of_stuff.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Review of Mockingjay, by Suzanne Collins

Adventure, Science Fiction, Stand-outs, Starred Review, Teen Fiction Review 1

Mockingjay
by Suzanne Collins

Scholastic Press, New York, 2010. 398 pages.
Starred Review
2010 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #9, Teen Fantasy and Science Fiction

If you’ve read Hunger Games and Catching Fire, it definitely won’t take my review to get you to read the third book in the trilogy. In Mockingjay, the rebellion against the Capitol is in full swing, and Katniss once again finds herself the focus of people’s passions and hopes.

Thank goodness there are no Hunger Games in this book. However, the Capitol has some traps that are extremely similar to things that would be faced in the arena….

Normally, when I was this eager to read a book, I would have bought myself a copy. However, in the case of The Hunger Games trilogy, although they are brilliant and powerful and outstanding books — I rather doubt I will much want to read them again, at least not any time soon. Katniss faces some horrible situations. The psychological warfare used against her is horrifying. Although the book is powerful, it’s not exactly pleasant reading.

I still loved the book. It’s exciting, gripping, edge-of-the seat reading. I’ve come to care about Katniss, and I was very pleased that finally she can live happily ever after at the end of this book. With nightmares, but still.

I also think that Mockingjay contained the best love triangle I have ever read. I honestly didn’t know who she’d end up with until the last several pages. And I didn’t have a gut-level preference. I could see how she truly loved each of them, and how they each satisfied a different part of her. What’s more, Suzanne Collins resolved the love triangle in a satisfying way, which arose from the characters of the three people involved. She could have so easily killed one of them off! But instead, Katniss made a choice, and it was a choice the readers believed and sympathized with.

The author included some surprising moral dilemmas, and resolved them in a subtle way. She writes with power and depth. You can call this action-adventure in a dystopian setting. Exciting reading.

Links: www.suzannecollinsbooks.com
www.scholastic.com/thehungergames

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Teens/mockingjay.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Review of The Strange Case of Origami Yoda, by Tom Angleberger

Children's Fiction Review, Contemporary, Stand-outs, Starred Review 0

The Strange Case of Origami Yoda

by Tom Angleberger

Amulet Books, New York, 2010. 154 pages.
Starred Review
2010 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #8, Children’s Fiction

Last night, a friend mentioned that her third grade son is a reluctant reader and is daunted by the thick books some of his classmates are reading. Another friend suggested Diary of a Wimpy Kid, which the mom said her son has, ready to read. That’s when I recommended The Strange Case of Origami Yoda.

The Strange Case of Origami Yoda is similar to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books in that it’s set in a middle school, has lots of cartoon drawings to accompany it, is hilarious, and deals with the difficulties of being a middle school student. I liked the Yoda book better, though, and the humor seemed less crass and genuinely funny.

For example, how’s this for a nightmare assembly that the kids have to go to: “Mr. Good Clean Fun and Soapy the Monkey present: ‘Feeling Good About Our Smells.'” Seeing the poster of that event simply makes me laugh.

Tommy starts the narration in The Strange Case of Origami Yoda and other classmates contribute their version of the events that happened, the advice yoda gave them, and how it turned out. Here’s how Tommy begins:

“The big question: Is Origami Yoda real?

“Well, of course he’s real. I mean, he’s a real finger puppet made out of a real piece of paper.

“But I mean: Is he REAL? Does he really know things? Can he see the future? Does he use the Force?

“Or is he just a hoax that fooled a whole bunch of us at McQuarrie Middle School?

“It’s REALLY important for me to figure out if he’s real. Because I’ve got to decide whether to take his advice or not , and if I make the wrong choice, I’m doomed! I don’t want to get into all that yet, so for now let’s just say it’s about this really cool girl, Sara, and whether or not I should risk making a fool of myself for her.

“Origami Yoda says to do it, but if he’s wrong . . . total humiliation.

“So I’ve got to know if he’s real. I need solid answers. I need scientific evidence. That’s why I went around and asked everybody who got help from Origami Yoda to tell their stories. Then I put all the stories together in this case file.”

Origami Yoda’s been giving advice to the students at McQuarrie Middle School. When they follow the advice, things work out beautifully. When they don’t, things go wrong. But there’s something very strange about that, in the person of Dwight:

“Dwight is the guy who carries Origami Yoda around on his finger.

“The strangest thing about Origami Yoda is that he is so wise even though Dwight is a total loser.

“I’m not saying that as an insult. It’s just a fact. Dwight never seems to do anything right. Always in trouble. Always getting harrassed by other kids. Always picking his nose. Always finding a way to ‘ruin it for everyone,’ as the teachers say.

“If he would just listen to Origami Yoda’s wisdom, like the rest of us, he would have it made.”

I love the way the author presents what happened and lets us judge for ourselves whether Origami Yoda really has wisdom or not. Besides Tommy, who seems a bit gullible (but look at the facts!), he has Harvey write some commentary from a skeptic at the end of each chapter.

Reading the book as an adult, I’m afraid I was with the skeptics. But I love the way what happens is so ambiguous, you can easily understand the kids believing in Yoda. The situations where Tommy and his friends get Yoda’s help are funny, but definitely realistic. And Tommy ends up finding out what it’s like to really be a friend before it’s all done, so the themes do give any reader food for thought.

I enjoyed this book so much, I made sure to buy my own copy at ALA Annual Conference and get it signed by the author. When I did, a young boy was ahead of me, showing Tom Angleberger the origami yoda he had folded. The author signed it, and I thought that was a great recommendation for the book. (There is a pattern in the back of the book to make your own Origami Yoda.)

A fun read for any age.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Childrens_Fiction/origami_yoda.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

2011 Plans

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Happy New Year!

As you can tell by my 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs post below, (Be sure to look it over if you haven’t yet!) I’m way, way behind on writing reviews.

My main problem (besides dealing with job changes and divorce court in the last few months) is that I’m trying to not only write the reviews on this blog, but also post them on my main site, www.sonderbooks.com. Both things take some time, since I then reset all the links between reviews and upload it all.

It would be simpler if I would just use the blog — but I’m not willing to give up my website. I’ve been writing Sonderbooks since before I’d even heard of blogs — In August 2001, I started it as an e-mail newsletter. For 2010, I was mainly writing the reviews as drafts in the blog, and then posting reviews individually later. That takes too long, and I’m getting way behind.

So — my resolution for 2011 is this: I will write reviews as fast as I can, and post them when written. Then, once a week — usually on Friday or Saturday, whichever is my day off — I will post all the reviews I wrote that week on my main site.

This plan might crash and burn right away — because this week, I want to post the Stand-outs on my site, and that will be a big job. But I’m going to try! This way, people can either follow my blog or check Sonderbooks once a week to see what’s new. Here’s hoping it will work!

For reading plans, right now I’m madly reading the books that the Heavy Medal blog posted for a shortlist for their Mock Newbery. They will be opening voting on Monday, and they don’t want you to vote unless you’ve read all the books on the shortlist. Out of 12 books, I actually have 6 to go. However, I did save the shortest for last, so it’s slightly possible that I might finish the books on time — depending a bit on how long they give you to vote!

I must admit that I’m enjoying the books I’m reading for that list. I finished Forge, by Laurie Halse Anderson, last night at 4:00 am, and decided that was close enough to include in my 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. Now I’m halfway through Keeper, by Kathi Appelt, and am loving that, too.

So far my hope list for the actual 2011 Newbery Medal (announced January 10) is:

Medal: A Conspiracy of Kings, by Megan Whalen Turner
Honor Books (in order of my preference):
One Crazy Summer, by Rita Williams-Garcia
The Dreamer, by Pam Munoz Ryan
Forge, by Laurie Halse Anderson

If I were betting, instead of hoping, I’d bet on One Crazy Summer, and I admit I’ll be very happy if it wins. But we shall see!

They also announced the Cybils Short Lists today!

Now, I would dearly love to be a Cybils judge, and am planning to apply again this year. I thought it would be fun to read all the books on the Young Adult Fantasy short list. This way, I will see if I can really do it in the time allotted, and if I can really stand to limit my reading to one genre for a couple months. I will be posting more about which books I would like to win as I read them. So far, the only one I’ve read is Plain Kate, by Erin Bow, which I did list as one of my 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs.

Sonderbooks Stand-outs 2010

Stand-outs 0

Happy New Year! Now that 2010 is over, it’s time for my TENTH annual list of the books I most enjoyed reading in the previous year. I began this tradition on January 1, 2002, when Sonderbooks was still an e-mail newsletter.

I’m not by any means trying to list the “most distinguished” books I read in 2010. My Newbery prediction list is quite different, in fact. Sonderbooks Stand-outs are, plain and simple, the books I enjoyed reading the most, for whatever reason. These are books I give as gifts and urge my friends to read, books that make me smile when I think about my year of reading.

Although I am putting them in order, this order has been changing all day long. All of the books I list here are outstanding, and are books I loved reading.

You may be puzzled that I already have 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs listed on my site. You see, when I started Sonderbooks Stand-outs, I named them after the year where I did the reading. For 2007-2010, though, I decided to imitate the Newbery awards and give them the name of the year they are awarded. However, I’ve changed my mind again. (The beauty of having my own website is I can change my mind as much as I want.) Since many of these books were published in 2010, and I read them in 2010, I’m going to copy the Cybils and call them 2010 Stand-outs. Of course, this means I will need to go back and adjust the stand-outs from the last four years.

I also am way behind on writing reviews: So the ones that I have already reviewed, I will link to the review. The rest, I will review just as soon as possible!

Here are the 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, beginning with my favorite category, Teen Fantasy and Science Fiction:

Teen Fantasy and Science Fiction
1. A Conspiracy of Kings, by Megan Whalen Turner
2. Ice, by Sarah Beth Durst
3. Twice a Prince, by Sherwood Smith
4. Pegasus, by Robin McKinley
5. Ascendant, Diana Peterfreund
6. White Cat, by Holly Black
7. Enchanted Ivy, by Sarah Beth Durst
8. Star Crossed, by Elizabeth C. Bunce
9. Mockingjay, by Suzanne Collins

Other Teen Fiction
1. Dairy Queen, by Catherine Gilbert Murdock
2. The Cardturner, by Louis Sachar
3. A Brief History of Montmaray, by Michelle Cooper
4. The Body Finder, by Kimberly Derting
5. Suspect, by Kristin Wolden Nitz

Children’s Fiction
1. The New Policeman, by Kate Thompson
2. Clementine, by Sara Pennypacker, pictures by Marla Frazee
3. Plain Kate, by Erin Bow
4. One Crazy Summer, by Rita Williams-Garcia
5. The Dreamer, by Pam Munoz Ryan, pictures by Peter Sis
6. Forge, by Laurie Halse Anderson
7. Penny Dreadful, by Laurel Snyder
8. The Strange Case of Origami Yoda, by Tom Angleberger

Picture Books
1. Katie Loves the Kittens, by John Himmelman
2. Ladybug Girl at the Beach, by David Soman and Jacky Davis
3. A Bedtime for Bear, by Bonny Becker, illustrated by Kady MacDonald Denton
4. City Dog, Country Frog, by Mo Willems, pictures by Jon J. Muth

Fiction for Grown-Ups
1. Coronets and Steel, by Sherwood Smith
2. The Daughter of Time, by Josephine Tey
3. The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, by Alan Bradley
4. Little Bee, by Chris Cleave
5. The Art of Racing in the Rain, by Garth Stein
6. Casting Spells, by Barbara Bretton
7. Shades of Grey, by Jasper Fforde

Nonfiction: True Stories
1. This Is Not the Story You Think It Is, by Laura Munson
2. Strength in What Remains, by Tracy Kidder
3. Zeitoun, by Dave Eggers
4. Mountains Beyond Mountains, by Tracy Kidder
5. My Stroke of Insight, by Jill Bolte Taylor
6. Born on a Blue Day, by Daniel Tammet

Other Nonfiction
1. The Ten Things To Do When Your Life Falls Apart, by Daphne Rose Kingma
2. Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
3. Feel, by Matthew Elliott
4. This Book is Overdue! by Marilyn Johnson
5. Everything I Need to Know I Learned From a Children’s Book, edited by Anita Silvey
6. The Story of Stuff, by Annie Leonard
7. NurtureShock, by Po Bronson

So there they are! My favorite reads of 2010. Within a week or so, I hope to post a new page for these on my main site, as well as get more of the reviews of these books posted.

Please use the comments to tell me what your favorite books read in 2010 were!

Review of The Daughter of Time, by Josephine Tey

Audiobooks, Fiction Review, Mystery, Starred Review 0

The Daughter of Time

by Josephine Tey
Narrated by Derek Jacobi

BBC Audiobooks America, 2002. Book originally written in 1951. Complete and Unabridged. 6 compact discs, 5 hours, 19 minutes.
Starred Review

I read about this book in a list of Ten Classic Mysteries. (I think it was a posting by Booklist.) Later, it came up with my son, and he said that he had really liked it a lot. He said this rather defensively, and it turned out that it had been assigned reading in his 10th grade English class, covering World Literature. They had also studied the Shakespeare play Richard III. It turned out that not everyone in his class liked it, but the fact that Tim did was recommendation enough for me.

I listened to the audiobook version, with an absolutely brilliant narrator. (His American accent wasn’t great, but that was only one character. Everything else was superb.) The amazing thing is that in this book there is absolutely no action. The main character is lying in a hospital bed staring at the ceiling. Yet the book was so engrossing, I hated to get out of the car when I reached my destination, and kept thinking about the story all day.

Alan Grant, Scotland Yard inspector, had an accident while on duty that has put him in a hospital bed. People are bringing him annoyingly cheerful popular books to read, and he’s not interested. So when a friend, knowing his interest in faces, brings in several portraits of historical figures who have mysteries associated with them, he is intrigued in spite of himself.

The face that he can’t stop thinking about is the portrait of Richard III. Yet there was no mystery associated with him, was there? He was the embodiment of the wicked uncle — having his two nephews in the tower killed. Doesn’t everyone know that? Yet, before he knew whose face that was, why did Grant think it was the face of a judge? He usually wasn’t so far wrong about people’s faces.

Grant begins investigating — getting some books about Richard III and then some primary sources and the help of an American researcher. He draws a very different conclusion about the murderer of the princes in the tower — and builds an extremely convincing case. (Assuming that all the sources he refers to are actually as described — and I see no reason to think they wouldn’t be.)

I love it that Josephine Tey wrote this as a detective story featuring her own detective. As a book of history, it would probably get dry and boring, and I’d never pick it up — as a detective story, you share with the detective the thrill of discovering the truth. And the writing had me on the edge of my seat. It’s the sort of book, if I hadn’t been listening to it in the car, I’m sure I would have read in one sitting. Yet how she pulled that off with her detective flat in bed, is beyond me!

Absolutely brilliant!

The title is from this quotation by Francis Bacon: “Truth is the daughter of time, not of authority.” There is much exploration in the book of how “history” is made.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Fiction/daughter_of_time.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Review of Emotional Vampires, by Albert J. Bernstein

Nonfiction Review, Personal Growth, Relationships 0

Emotional Vampires

Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry

by Albert J. Bernstein, PhD

McGraw-Hill, New York, 2001. 242 pages.

If you have enough difficult people in your life that you want to read a book to boost your ability to deal with them — well, you might as well have some fun with it!

This light-hearted look at difficult people actually has some very helpful tips. And it does make you laugh when the comparison with vampires seems especially apt.

The author explains that most emotional vampires you will encounter do not have full-fledged personality disorders, but the ways they think and act do seem to fall into patterns of five types: Antisocial Vampires, Histrionic Vampires, Narcissistic Vampires, Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires, and Paranoid Vampires.

He also explains that most difficult people are a blend of two or more types, so feel free to use whichever technique works best for dealing with them. I also liked this paragraph:

“If you see yourself among the vampires, take heart; it is a very good sign. We all have some tendencies in the direction of personality disorders. If you recognize your own, they are apt to be less of a problem than if you have no insight.”

Here are some attitudes that apply to all emotional vampires:

“My Needs Are More Important Than Yours.”
“The Rules Apply to Other People, Not Me.”
“It’s Not My Fault, Ever.”
“I Want It Now.”
“If I Don’t Get My Way, I Throw a Tantrum.”

Then he gives some general qualities of emotional vampires:

“VAMPIRES PREY ON HUMANS
Night-stalking vampires will drain your blood. Emotional Vampires will use you to meet whatever needs they happen to be experiencing at the moment. They have no qualms about taking your effort, your money, your love, your attention, your admiration, your body, or your soul to meet their insatiable cravings. They want what they want, and they don’t much care how you feel about it.”

“VAMPIRES CAN CHANGE THEIR SHAPES
Storybook vampires can change themselves into bats, wolves, or a cold, formless mist that seeps through unguarded windows. Emotional Vampires can turn themselves into whatever you want to see, but only long enough to lure you in. To say that they are consummate actors doesn’t do them justice. Often, they play their roles so well that they fool themselves into believing they are who they pretend to be.”

“VAMPIRES CAN’T SEE THEMSELVES IN A MIRROR
If you want to know if someone is a vampire, hold up a mirror and see if there’s a reflection. If you want to know if someone is an Emotional Vampire, hold up a self-help book that describes his personality perfectly and see if there’s a spark of recognition. With both kinds of vampires there will be nothing there. Night-stalking vampires have no reflections; Emotional Vampires have no insight.”

“VAMPIRES ARE MORE POWERFUL IN THE DARK
Both kinds of vampires thrive on darkness. Blood-hungry vampires stalk the night. Emotional Vampires lurk in the darker side of human nature. They take power from secrets. Your dealings with them will usually involve a few little details that you’d rather not share, because other people wouldn’t understand.”

“A VAMPIRE’S BITE CAN TURN YOU INTO A VAMPIRE
Throughout the ages, vampirism has been contagious. A few bites and vampires can have you acting just as immaturely as they do.”

The book goes on to help you recognize different types of vampires and understand how best to respond. Some of the advice seems particularly brilliant:

“The maddening thing about Passive-Aggressives is that their words are so different from their actions. If you ask them what they want, they’ll say they want to make you happy, even as they do things to make you miserable.

“On the surface, their actions make no sense, but there is an underlying logic. If you want to understand Histrionics, read their actions as if they were sad, angry adolescent poems about how the expectations of others are a prison from which they can never escape.

“If you’re involved with Passive-Aggressive Histrionics, you cannot avoid being perceived as the person who is imprisoning them. Don’t try. Instead, focus on your own behavior, and try to be a compassionate jailer.”

“Forget any attempt to make Passive-Aggressive vampires admit to what they really feel. It’ll only make your headache worse. Don’t make the mistake of demanding that they talk to you directly about problems. You might as well demand that they speak in rhyming couplets.

“There really are no battles you can win with the Passive-Aggressive. Once the situation turns into a battle, you have already lost.”

“Explicit instructions, while absolutely necessary will not work as well as you think they ought. Passive-Aggressive vampires deal with the world by misunderstanding and by being misunderstood. The thing they never misunderstand is praise. Use gobs of it.”

“Passive-Aggressive vampires will always do whatever you pay the most attention to. If you make a big deal out of forgetting, complaining, surliness, negative body language, or whatever, that’s what you’ll get. With Passive-Aggressives it is possible to waste considerable time and effort trying to get them to improve their attitude rather than getting the job done. Make sure your contingencies favor the behaviors you really want rather than the ones you find most annoying. What’s the point of rewarding people for giving you headaches?”

Of course, as helpful as this book was in getting me to understand how best to deal with certain difficult people, it also opened my eyes to why it might be difficult to live with me:

“Perfectionism is a vice that masquerades as a virtue. It can lead to excellence, but it usually doesn’t. Doing everything correctly can become the top priority, eclipsing the importance of the task or the feelings of other people. The wake of Obsessive-Compulsive vampires is an orderly row of insignificant tasks done to perfection, and significant people leaving in frustration because they don’t measure up.”

“Perfectionists, bless their neurotic little hearts, don’t have a clue about what a pain they are to everyone around them. It’s not that they don’t care what the people close to them feel; it’s just that they get so distracted by little details in the process of living that they miss the overall product….

“Perfectionists never do anything spontaneously, except perhaps to notice mistakes. To Obsessive-Compulsives, the notion of a pleasant surprise is an oxymoron.”

“If your feelings are hurt, say so. Don’t try to make your point indirectly by rebelling, withdrawing, ‘accidentally’ making mistakes, or griping to friends, family, and coworkers. Passive-aggressive behavior just makes Perfectionists feel more justified in their anger. There’s no point in throwing gas on the fire.”

“Show some appreciation. You can be sure that however hard they are on you, Perfectionists are twice as hard on themselves.”

Fortunately, he also has good tips for self-help if you recognize vampire qualities in yourself. For perfectionistic vampires, among other things, he tells us:

“Goof Off. Spend a little time every day just sitting and doing nothing. Computer solitaire was invented for this purpose. Learn some sort of relaxation technique and practice it every day, especially on the days you think you’re too busy.”

Hmmm. Sounds like a good excuse to start a computer game!

Another good tip: “Always Know Your Top Priority. Not for the moment, but for your whole life. Think about what you’d like to have carved on your tombstone and work toward that. The other details will take care of themselves.”

A funny thing happened after I wrote this review: At work the next morning, I was happily doing an excessively detail-oriented task. (Checking Y’s and N’s on an attendance sheet against what had been put in the computer.) I realized there’s a reason I related to the Perfectionistic statements. Now, there is a good side to being detail-oriented — but this book pointed out some ways that being too perfectionistic in relationships can cause conflict and barrel over people’s feelings.

I thought it was a bit ironic that they specifically mentioned how Perfectionistic vampires and Passive-Agressive vampires can particularly antagonize one another. When they are in love, their strengths can dovetail nicely. But when in conflict, they can definitely make things worse if they don’t take care.

In summary, this book has some valuable tips on interacting with difficult people and becoming less of a difficult person. As you can see, I focused on the ones that applied to my life. I’m sure the other categories are equally insightful if that’s what relates to you. All of the suggestions and insights are handled in a light-hearted, easy-to-swallow way.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/emotional_vampires.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Catching Up

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Well, during my time off at Christmas, I managed to — get ready for Christmas!

So for my long weekend off at New Year’s, let’s see if I can make headway catching up on writing and posting reviews. I hate to let any books go unreviewed, but I may have to do that — It’s nice to start a new year not behind. And of course, I need to make my list of this year’s Sonderbooks Standouts. I know most people did their Best of the Year lists a month ago, but I always do lots of reading at Christmas time, so I don’t want to declare the best until the year is truly over.

I do have lots of reviews already written that I haven’t posted to the blog or to my website, so I think I’ll start with those. Meanwhile, Happy New Year!

Christmas Break

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It’s been a crazy year. A couple weeks ago, my divorce finally settled, then I went and had a fabulous trip to see my family over Thanksgiving, and then when I came back, I started working as a Librarian again. (I am LOVING it!)

However, all this craziness means I’m way behind on my book reviews and also way behind on getting ready for Christmas. Since I won’t be making another trip to see my family for Christmas, I need to mail their gifts. So — my plan is to spend this week trying to get their presents ready and then during my time off at Christmas try to work hard on catching up on writing reviews. We shall see how I do!

But if you don’t hear from me for a week or so, think of it as Christmas break. I get a 5-day weekend at Christmas and a 4-day weekend at New Year’s, but I’m working 6 days in a row this week. So I’m hoping those weekends will be a lovely time for reading and writing and blogging.

I guess the beauty of running my own website is that I get to make my own rules. I am hoping that I’ll post a lot more regularly in 2011, but I also fervently hope that my life will be much less resembling a roller coaster in 2011!

Oh, you’ll also get a list of my stand-outs in 2010 — AFTER 2010 is over. I know this doesn’t work for Christmas lists, but I refuse to name my favorite books of 2010 until 2010 is over. I always get some great reading done over Christmas, and I’m not going to make those books miss their chance.

So, Merry Christmas to all my faithful readers! I’m having a very joyous month, thrilled to be back in a job I love. I’ll be posting more in a week or so….