Stand-out Author: Anne Lamott

I’m doing a series featuring authors whose books were 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs who have appeared on my lists in the past. It turns out a lot of names turn up multiple times. It’s not that I’m biased — it’s that these people write wonderful books.

Anne Lamott is today’s featured author, with 5 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, all Nonfiction. (And she’s the first Nonfiction author I’m featuring.) I find her interesting, because I first discovered her through her classic on writing, Bird by Bird, long before I started writing Sonderbooks. Over the years, she began writing about faith about the same time I became a lot less rigid in my beliefs. So we were coming from opposite directions, but we meet in a place where her books on faith exactly speak to my heart.

I read it before I ever wrote Sonderbooks, but Bird by Bird was still a 2004 Sonderbooks Stand-out, because I did a category for Nonfiction Old Favorites, and it was #3.

2005 was the year I first read a book by her on faith, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith. I liked it so much, it was #1 in the “Musings” category of my 2005 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. Reading some of the quotations I selected, I still love them! Like these:

Everyone has been having a hard time with life this year; not with all of it, just the waking hours. Being awake is the one real fly in the ointment—but it is also when solutions come to us.

But Jesus kept harping on forgiveness and loving ones enemies, so I decided to try. Why couldn’t Jesus command us to obsess about everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all, or to pay attention, stomp away to brood when people annoy us, and then eat a big bag of Hershey’s Kisses in bed?

In my 2007 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, that year when (Alas!) I didn’t get everything reviewed, her book Grace (Eventually) was #3 in Christian Nonfiction.

And then, of course this year she had not one but two 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, #2 in Nonfiction: Personal Stories, Some Assembly Required, a wonderful journal of her grandson’s first year, which goes well with the book I read years ago about her son’s first year. (HOW did her son and my son grow up so fast?)

And she also had another #1 choice, in Other Nonfiction: That wonderful book on prayer, Help Thanks Wow: The Three Essential Prayers. This one’s quick reading, but will make you laugh and think and pray. Here’s another little snippet:

Prayer is taking a chance that against all odds and past history, we are loved and chosen, and do not have to get it together before we show up.

There you have it, another Favorite Author. Her books make me look at the world with a little more humor, love, and joy.

Stand-out Authors: Elizabeth Wein

I’m doing a series featuring those authors with 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs who have had Sonderbooks Stand-outs before. In other words, my Favorite Authors.

Four authors on this year’s list have had a total of 5 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. I’ll begin with the one who wrote my favorite book of 2012, Elizabeth Wein, author of Code Name Verity.

I discovered Elizabeth Wein ten years ago in 2003. In my 2003 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, her book A Coalition of Lions, was #1 in Children’s and Young Adult Historical Fiction. Like Code Name Verity, A Coalition of Lions is historical fiction, but it is set in ancient Aksum (Ethiopia) and features the daughter of King Arthur. Technically, this was part of a series, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading it first.

But that meant I had to read her others. The next two books, coming before and after A Coalition of Lions were my only two Young Adult Historical Fiction books listed on my 2004 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. I rated the book that follows, The Sunbird, at #1, and the book that came before, The Winter Prince, at #2.

In my 2007 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, I included her next story about Telemakos, The Lion Hunter. It was #3 in Historical Fiction for Teens, but that was the year when I didn’t get all of my Stand-outs reviewed. In fact, the sequel to The Lion Hunter, The Empty Kingdom was the only book of hers I’ve read that didn’t make that year’s Stand-outs. And this year she certainly is back among my favorites.

I want to highlight here that Code Name Verity was no aberration. I was happy to hear lots of people discussing one of my favorite authors this year! If you haven’t read her Aksum novels, I highly recommend going back and rectifying that situation!

Stand-out Author: Juliet Marillier

I’m highlighting some of my favorite authors by looking at those with 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs who’ve appeared on my lists before. Juliet Marillier is up next, with a total of 6 Sonderbooks Stand-outs.

I first discovered Juliet Marillier in 2008, when I was on the Summer Reading Program committee for Fairfax County Public Library, and I read and loved Wildwood Dancing, a retelling of the fairy tale “Twelve Dancing Princesses.” Wildwood Dancing was #2 in Teen Fantasy Fiction in my 2008 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, coming behind only Robin McKinley’s Chalice.

But where I really fell in love with Juliet Marillier’s writing was after my sister Marcy gave me the first of the Sevenwaters books, Daughter of the Forest, a retelling of the Swan Princes fairy tale, and what a retelling!

You know you love a book when you can remember where you were when you read it. In this case, I was flying to ALA Annual Conference in New Orleans, but unfortunately, the airline made me fly through Boston. I began Daughter of the Forest on the way to Boston. In the airport, I tried using my laptop, and I know I also did some reading, but when I got in the airplane, the book was gone! I was exceedingly upset, and ordered a new copy first thing when I got home. Who knows? If I hadn’t lost the book, maybe I wouldn’t have given in to my exhaustion and attempted to lean my head against the window and fall asleep. When I woke up, my neck really hurt, and I ended up having a stroke a month later from that neck injury. Wish I hadn’t lost the book! (Though it and its sequels made lovely reading during the recovery process.)

Daughter of the Forest was my #1 Fantasy Fiction choice in my 2011 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, and the two other Sevenwaters books I read that year, Son of the Shadows and Child of the Prophecy, were #3 and #5, respectively. (And that was the same year I read The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man’s Fear!)

So this past year, in my 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, it’s no surprise that Juliet Marillier appears twice. The next Sevenwaters book, Heir to Sevenwaters is again #1 in Fantasy Fiction.

But last year she also began a new Young Adult series. That book, Shadowfell was also a Stand-out, #5 in Teen Fiction. It was one of the last books I read in the year, and I can’t help but think I might have ranked it higher if it had time to grow on me. Though probably the biggest reason is that it did *not* tie up the plot in a tidy manner, like her adult books do. So I’m anxious to find out what happens next… and I can’t yet!

So Juliet is a relatively new favorite author for me, but she’s already high up there. I’m happy that she has many more books out there I haven’t read, so I can keep busy while I’m waiting for Shadowfell‘s sequel.

Sonderbooks Stand-out Author: Mo Willems

After posting my 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, I couldn’t help but notice that some names have come up again and again. So I’m doing a series of blog posts about those authors who have appeared on my Stand-outs lists before. And next up is Mo Willems, with a total of 8 Sonderbooks Stand-outs since 2003.

I discovered Mo with that wonderful classic, Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus It of course was a 2003 Sonderbooks Stand-out, my top choice for Picture Books.

Unfortunately, my kids were too old to appreciate the full power of the pigeon books, but I remember in 2006 when I stayed for a month and a half with my friend, I got to pull them out and read them to her kids. They especially liked it when I read the temper tantrum page. Another Pigeon book, Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late, made the 2006 Sonderbooks Stand-outs list, once again #1 for Picture Books.

In 2008, I met Elephant and Piggie, and fell in love. This time, Mo had not one but three 2008 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. Are You Ready to Play Outside? was #5 in Picture Books, The Pigeon Wants a Puppy! was #6, and I Will Surprise My Friend! was #7. And I still like the essay I wrote about Are You Ready to Play Outside? and contentment (and, well, my ex-husband).

My 2009 Sonderbooks Stand-outs featured another Elephant and Piggie book at #3 in Picture Books, Pigs Make Me Sneeze! How I wish I’d had it back in the day when I taught Intro to Statistics! A picture book lesson that Correlation does not imply Causation! Yes!

My 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-outs had something new, a book written, but not illustrated, by Mo Willems, City Dog, Country Frog, which was #4 in Picture Books.

And finally, this year the Pigeon was back! In my 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, The Duckling Gets a Cookie!? delightfully played with the themes from all the previous Pigeon books and hit #2 in my Picture Books list.

Now, I may not have permanent MO graffiti on my blog like Mother Reader, but I’m definitely a huge fan. I think the man’s a genius, and I’ve found that if I want kids to enjoy a storytime, all I have to do is include a Mo Willems book. May he continue to be prolific! I have a feeling he’s going to feature on many lists to come.

Jasper Fforde Ffeature

I’ve been posting features about authors with 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-outs who had Stand-outs in previous years. I’ve already covered Shannon Hale and Sherwood Smith, so next up is Jasper Fforde, with a total of 9 Sonderbooks Stand-outs.

I discovered Jasper Fforde in 2004, thanks to the recommendation of my friend Shannon. The first two books in the Thursday Next series were both 2004 Sonderbooks Stand-outs in Science Fiction and Fantasy, The Eyre Affair at #2, and Lost in a Good Book at #5.

I kept reading, and the next two Thursday Next books were 2005 Sonderbooks Stand-outs. The third book, The Well of Lost Plots, was #4 in Science Fiction. The fourth book, Something Rotten, was #1 in Science Fiction.

And then he started writing the Nursery Crime series. The Big Over Easy, solving the mystery of who pushed Humpty Dumpty, was also a 2005 Sonderbooks Stand-out, #7 in Mystery.

His next Nursery Crime book, The Fourth Bear was a 2006 Sonderbooks Stand-out, #5 in Mystery Fiction. Have I used the words “quirky” or “bizarre” yet in talking about Jasper Fforde? In this one, it appears there are not merely three bears.

It was back to the Thursday Next series in 2007, in fact with the book Thursday Next a 2007 Sonderbooks Stand-out. But that was the year I didn’t get all the Stand-outs reviewed, since I was dealing with little things like finding a job after my marriage fell apart and moving to the other side of the world and getting my Master’s in Library Science. But, yes, it was another wonderful addition to the series and was #5 in Fantasy Fiction.

In 2010, Jasper Fforde started another quirky and bizarre new series, which was a 2010 Sonderbooks Stand-out. The whole society is based on what colors people can see. (How does he come up with these ideas, anyway?) Shades of Grey: The Road to High Saffron was #7 in Fiction for adults.

And finally in 2012, he wrote a fantasy novel for teens, The Last Dragonslayer, which was a 2012 Sonderbooks Stand-out, #10 in Teen Fiction.

There you have it, 9 Sonderbooks Stand-outs, and I’ve only been reading his books since 2004. I highly recommend his books for any time you’re in the mood for clever, quirky, and bizarre. More bizarre than pretty much any other author you’d ever care to read. In a good way.

Review of the Story of English in 100 Words, by David Crystal

The Story of English in 100 Words

by David Crystal

St. Martin’s Press, New York, 2012. First published in Great Britain in 2011. 260 pages.
Starred Review
2012 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #8 Other Nonfiction

I confess; I took a little less than 100 days to read this book. But what fun it was! David Crystal takes 100 words, in chronological order based on when they became part of our language, and talks about how they became part of English, and what type of words they represent.

At the beginning, he gives “A Short History of English Words,” and you get a glimpse of why the book is so fascinating.

English is a vacuum-cleaner of a language, whose users suck in words from other languages whenever they encounter them. And because of the way English has travelled the world, courtesy of its soldiers, sailors, traders and civil servants, several hundred languages have contributed to its lexical character. Some 80 per cent of English vocabulary is not Germanic at all.

English is also a playful and innovative language, whose speakers love to use their imaginations in creating new vocabulary, and who are prepared to depart from tradition when coining words. Not all languages are like this. Some are characterised by speakers who try to stick rigidly to a single cultural tradition, resisting loanwords and trying to preserve a perceived notion of purity in their vocabulary (as with French and Icelandic). English speakers, for the most part, are quite the opposite. They delight in bending and breaking the rules when it comes to word creation. Shakespeare was one of the finest word-benders, showing everyone how to be daring in the use of words.

Here are some examples of the words whose origins and history he explores:

6. Street a Latin loan (9th century)
10. What an early exclamation (10th century)
14. Bridegroom a popular etymology (11th century)
40. Debt a spelling reform (16th century)
49. Fopdoodle a lost word (17th century)
56. Dilly-dally a reduplicating word (17th century)
67. Brunch a portmanteau word (19th century)
72. Ology suffix into word (19th century)
81. Doublespeak weasel words (20th century)

He even includes:
96. Sudoku a modern loan (21st century)
97. Muggle a fiction word (21st century)
99. Unfriend a new age (21st century)
100. Twittersphere future directions? (21st century)

I simply found this book fascinating, and packaged in nice small daily doses — a bit of interesting linguistic trivia to start my day. It would make a good calendar, except you’d have to shorten his essays about each word far too much. Hmmm. A blog would be better. He does give a few pages about each chosen word, and discusses many words of the same type.

I think those who will enjoy this book will know who they are from this description. (I’m thinking of you, little sister!)

stmartins.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/story_of_english_in_100_words.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I write the posts for my website and blogs entirely on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Each Day a New Beginning, by Karen Casey

Each Day a New Beginning

Daily Thoughts for Women

by Karen Casey

Hazelden, 1991 (2nd edition. 1st edition, 1982).
Starred Review
2012 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #7 Other Nonfiction

Karen Casey has so much wisdom. I first was introduced to her writings by her book Change Your Mind and Your Life Will Follow. I found this book of daily meditations I think in May 2011. I picked up the book in the middle, on the day I was on, and when 2012 came around, I started at January first and kept reading from it all year.

The thoughts in this book seem to be mainly geared toward people in 12-step programs, but even if you aren’t in one (as I am not), the wise words are a great way to start your day. The daily pages are short. Each day’s meditation begins with a quotation from a woman and ends with a summing up thought for the day.

I found an example to quote that happens to show where the title came from. Here is the meditation for April 7:

It is only when people begin to shake loose from their preconceptions, from the ideas that have dominated them, that we begin to receive a sense of opening, a sense of vision.

— Barbara Ward

A sense of vision, seeing who we can dare to be and what we can dare to accomplish, is possible if we focus intently on the present and always the present. We are all we need to be, right now. We can trust that. And we will be shown the way to become who we need to become, step by step, from one present moment to the next present moment. We can trust that, too.

The past that we hang onto stands in our way. Many of us needlessly spend much of our lives fighting a poor self-image. But we can overcome that. We can choose to believe we are capable and competent. We can be spontaneous, and our vision of all that life can offer will change — will excite us, will cultivate our confidence.

We can respond to life wholly. We can trust our instincts. And we will become all that we dare to become.

Each day is a new beginning. Each moment is a new opportunity to let go of all that has trapped me in the past. I am free. In the present, I am free.

That gives you the idea of the format and content. Encouragements and wise thoughts to get you going on your day. I found another Karen Casey book to start in 2013, but I will keep this one around for some time in the future.

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/each_day_a_new_beginning.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on my own personal copy.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I write the posts for my website and blogs entirely on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of The Brain That Changes Itself, by Norman Doidge

The Brain That Changes Itself

Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science

by Norman Doidge, M.D.

Viking, 2007. 427 pages.
Starred Review
2012 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #6 Other Nonfiction

Big thanks to my friend and co-worker Ivelisse Figueroa-Gonzalez for recommending this book to me after I had my stroke.

This is a book about neuroplasticity. We have learned, fairly recently, that the brain can heal from injury; the brain can change its wiring. How we use our brains is important.

Some words from the Preface explain what you’ll find in this book:

This book is about the revolutionary discovery that the human brain can change itself, as told through the stories of the scientists, doctors, and patients who have together brought about these astonishing transformations. Without operations or medications, they have made use of the brain’s hitherto unknown ability to change. Some were patients who had what were thought to be incurable brain problems; others were people without specific problems who simply wanted to improve the functioning of their brains or preserve them as they aged. For four hundred years this venture would have been inconceivable because mainstream medicine and science believed that brain anatomy was fixed. The common wisdom was that after childhood the brain changed only when it began the long process of decline; that when brain cells failed to develop properly, or were injured, or died, they could not be replaced. Nor could the brain ever alter its structure and find a new way to function if part of it was damaged. The theory of the unchanging brain decreed that people who were born with brain or mental limitations, or who sustained brain damage, would be limited or damaged for life. Scientists who wondered if the healthy brain might be improved or preserved through activity or mental exercise were told not to waste their time. . . .

I began a series of travels, and in the process I met a band of brilliant scientists, at the frontiers of brain science, who had, in the late 1960s or early 1970s, made a series of unexpected discoveries. They showed that the brain changed its very structure with each different activity it performed, perfecting its circuits so it was better suited to the task at hand. If certain “parts” failed, then other parts could sometimes take over. The machine metaphor, of the brain as an organ with specialized parts, could not fully account for changes the scientists were seeing. They began to call this fundamental brain property “neuroplasticity.”

Neuro is for “neuron,” the nerve cells in our brains and nervous systems. Plastic is for “changeable, malleable, modifiable.” At first many of the scientists didn’t dare use the word “neuroplasticity” in their publications, and their peers belittled them for promoting a fanciful notion. Yet they persisted, slowly overturning the doctrine of the unchanging brain. They showed that children are not always stuck with the mental abilities they are born with; that the damaged brain can often reorganize itself so that when one part fails, another can often substitute; that if brain cells die, they can at times be replaced; that many “circuits” and even basic reflexes that we think are hardwired are not. One of these scientists even showed that thinking, learning, and acting can turn our genes on or off, thus shaping our brain anatomy and our behavior — surely one of the most extraordinary discoveries of the twentieth century.

In the course of my travels I met a scientist who enabled people who had been blind since birth to begin to see, another who enabled the deaf to hear; I spoke with people who had had strokes decades before and had been declared incurable, who were helped to recover with neuroplastic treatments; I met people whose learning disorders were cured and whose IQs were raised; I saw evidence that it is possible for eighty-year-olds to sharpen their memories to function the way they did when they were fifty-five. I saw people rewire their brains with their thoughts, to cure previously incurable obsessions and traumas. I spoke with Nobel laureates who were hotly debating how we must rethink our model of the brain now that we know it is ever changing.

The chapters of the book look at different aspects of neuroplasticity. He covers many different things, including stroke recovery; sharpening perception and memory; healing learning problems; stopping worries, obsessions, and bad habits; counteracting aging; psychoanalysis; and even sexual attraction and love.

I can’t emphasize enough how fascinating this book is. I’m not sure if it has direct application to my own stroke, since it hit my balance center, not my higher thinking. (Though I did purchase a balance board after reading this book.) I’ve already recommended the book to parents of children with OCD, and I’ve decided that my guilty pleasure of doing Killer Sudoku at bedtime is actually therapy so I won’t lose my ability to think logically as I age.

And so much of the book, whether practical or not, is simply interesting. Here’s an example:

When it came to allocating brain-processing power, brain maps were governed by competition for precious resources and the principle of use it or lose it.

The competitive nature of plasticity affects us all. There is an endless war of nerves going on inside each of our brains. If we stop exercising our mental skills, we do not just forget them: the brain map space for those skills is turned over to the skills we practice instead. If you ever ask yourself, “How often must I practice French, or guitar, or math to keep on top of it?” you are asking a question about competitive plasticity. You are asking how frequently you must practice an activity to make sure its brain map space is not lost to another.

Competitive plasticity in adults even explains some of our limitations. Think of the difficulty most adults have in learning a second language. The conventional view now is that the difficulty arises because the critical period for language learning has ended, leaving us with a brain too rigid to change its structure on a large scale. But the discovery of competitive plasticity suggests there is more to it. As we age, the more we use our native language, the more it comes to dominate our linguistic map space. Thus it is because our brain is plastic — and because plasticity is competitive — that it is so hard to learn a new language and end the tyranny of the mother tongue.

But why, if this is true, is it easier to learn a second language when we are young? Is there not competition then too? Not really. If two languages are learned at the same time, during the critical period, both get a foothold. Brain scans, says Merzenich, show that in a bilingual child all the sounds of its two languages share a single large map, a library of sounds from both languages.

Another fascinating section speculating about cognitive problems as we age:

Mezenich says, . . . “We have an intense period of learning in childhood. Every day is a day of new stuff. And then, in our early employment, we are intensely engaged in learning and acquiring new skills and abilities. And more and more as we progress in life we are operating as users of mastered skills and abilities.”

Psychologically, middle age is often an appealing time because, all else being equal, it can be a relatively placid period compared with what has come before. Our bodies aren’t changing as they did in adolescence; we’re more likely to have a solid sense of who we are and be skilled at a career. We still regard ourselves as active, but we have a tendency to deceive ourselves into thinking that we are learning as we were before. We rarely engage in tasks in which we must focus our attention as closely as we did when we were younger, trying to learn a new vocabulary or master new skills. Such activities as reading the newspaper, practicing a profession of many years, and speaking our own language are mostly the replay of mastered skills, not learning. By the time we hit our seventies, we may not have systematically engaged the systems in the brain that regulate plasticity for fifty years.

That’s why learning a new language in old age is so good for improving and maintaining the memory generally. Because it requires intense focus, studying a language turns on the control system for plasticity and keeps it in good shape for laying down sharp memories of all kinds. . . . Anything that requires highly focused attention will help that system — learning new physical activities that require concentration, solving challenging puzzles, or making a career change that requires that you master new skills and material. Merzenich himself is an advocate of learning a new language in old age. “You will gradually sharpen everything up again, and that will be very highly beneficial to you.”

The same applies to mobility. Just doing the dances you learned years ago won’t help your brain’s motor cortex to stay in shape. To keep the mind alive requires learning something truly new with intense focus. That is what will allow you to both lay down new memories and have a system that can easily access and preserve the older ones.

Another whole chapter deals with progress in healing stroke patients. I’m not yet sure how it applies to me, because the effects of my stroke were not immediately obvious. Now they are manifesting as vestibular migraines. Is it possible that working with the balance centers of my brain would begin to rewire my brain? This book raises intriguing questions in my mind as well as revealing lots of answers to questions I had never before asked.

Fascinating reading for anyone at all interested in the brain and how it works.

penguin.com

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Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Nonfiction/brain_that_changes_itself.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I write the posts for my website and blogs entirely on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Moonbird, by Phillip Hoose

Moonbird

A Year on the Wind with the Great Survivor B95

Farrar, Straus, and Giroux, 2012. 160 pages.
Starred Review
2012 Sonderbooks Standout: #9 Children’s Nonfiction
2013 Sibert Honor
2013 YALSA Excellence in Nonfiction for Young Adults Finalist

Moonbird tells the story of a rufa red knot banded with the number B95 in the year 1995 who has been spotted many times since. These birds are some of the greatest distance travelers on earth, and B95 is the oldest known such bird.

This book goes into detail about what physiological changes and athletic feats go into B95’s journey. The author makes the life of a little shorebird into an epic tale. He interviewed many scientists all interested in helping the red knots and other shorebirds continue to survive. Spinning their stories into the overall narrative keeps the book fascinating.

This book covers science, nature, the environment, and what you can do to help. An outstanding science book that will interest everyone from elementary school readers to adults. I doubt anyone can read this book without learning something, but probably a lot of somethings. And even harder would be to read this book without becoming interested in the plight of a little bird and its flock.

Buy from Amazon.com

Find this review on Sonderbooks at: www.sonderbooks.com/Childrens_Nonfiction/moonbird.html

Disclosure: I am an Amazon Affiliate, and will earn a small percentage if you order a book on Amazon after clicking through from my site.

Source: This review is based on an Advance Review Copy I got at an ALA conference.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I write the posts for my website and blogs entirely on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

Review of Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt, by Christi Paul

Love Isn’t Supposed to Hurt

A Memoir

by Christi Paul

Tyndale House Publishers, 2012. 280 pages.
Starred Review
2012 Sonderbooks Stand-out: #7 Nonfiction: Personal Stories

This powerful story had me transfixed until I finished it. Christi Paul tells about her four years of marriage to a man who abused her emotionally and the repercussions of that in her life. She deeply wanted to stay. She’d made a vow. She tried hard to be able to take it. But ultimately, her faith in God helped her see that she needed to leave and helped her recover.

This book is good on many levels. In the first place, it’s a mesmerizing story. Christi Paul tells about how she fell in love with Justin and decided to marry him. Looking back, she can see she made a bad decision, but reading the book, it’s easy to understand how it happened, and why it was hard for her to leave.

Second, this book provides a window into emotional abuse. It can help people understand how women get into a hurtful situation, and why it’s so hard to get out. It can help you see one form emotional abuse takes and give you compassion for women in that situation. Christi Paul doesn’t write to make you feel sorry for her, but she does help you understand her. She also tells the hard questions she asked herself that helped her to heal.

Third, this book is all the more compelling for women who’ve been in some kind of abusive relationship. I appreciated that she took her vows before God seriously, and was in no hurry to divorce. I think the parts that most resonated probably say a lot about the reader. (Perhaps I still need to work through feeling guilty about my own divorce?) It’s so easy to see in someone else’s life that it does not glorify God to live in such a hurtful relationship.

Now, Christi’s ex-husband was more overtly abusive than many. And she also was able to see that she’d made a mistake marrying him in the first place. It’s perhaps harder when the emotional abuse is more covert than name-calling, taking forms like blaming or defining your reality. In those cases, it’s all the harder to see clearly that this is emotional abuse and this is wrong. So I still strongly recommend Dr. Patricia Evans’ books on verbal abuse, because they are so crucial to understanding the many different forms abuse can take.

It’s also perhaps harder when the abuse starts in a mid-life crisis situation, rather than at the start of the marriage. You can’t tell yourself that you simply shouldn’t have married him. But that still doesn’t mean it glorifies God to stay in that situation.

Still, as she said:

People often think holding on is what makes you strong, but sometimes it’s letting go. I was committed to releasing all that haunted me from this relationship. I wanted to learn from it, yes, but I was no longer willing to be chained to the memories that made me feel inadequate, insecure, and fearful.

Or in another place:

Each of us has a different story. Not everyone needs to leave her partner. We don’t want to abandon people who need help. Your answer might not be to get out — only you know what’s right in your situation. And my purpose isn’t to demonize people who are abusive. They’re wounded and hurting in their own way. But please hear this: until someone is healthy enough to treat you with civility, dignity, and respect, that person isn’t healthy enough to be in your life.

The part on healing during and after abuse is especially powerful. I strongly believe that one part of healing is coming to a place of forgiveness, and that is much much easier when you can begin to see the many ways good has come into your life through the abuse. Not that abuse is good, but that as you come through it, you grow. Christi Paul shows much of her process of thinking this through, and it’s helpful and healing and thought-provoking.

I loved the way she showed that living through the abuse helped her become a stronger person in many, many different ways. I feel the same way. I like the person I am after coming through the end of my marriage, and it resonated to see Christi Paul write the same thing.

This book is strongly rooted in the author’s Christian beliefs, as you can see in this paragraph:

Hear this loud and clear, my friends: you weren’t put here to be abused. God’s will isn’t for us to wake up each day mired in fear, self-doubt, and condemnation. He wants us to see ourselves the way he sees us — wounded but worthy. To view ourselves and each other with forgiveness and grace. To trust and believe in Him despite where we’ve been, what we’ve done, or what someone told us we are.

This book is a beautiful story of hope and God’s grace, and it gives the reader plenty to think about. I know I’ll be thinking about Christi Paul’s words for a long time to come.

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Source: This review is based on a library book from the Fairfax County Public Library.

Disclaimer: I am a professional librarian, but I write the posts for my website and blogs entirely on my own time. The views expressed are solely my own, and in no way represent the official views of my employer or of any committee or group of which I am part.

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